the one where I’m a john

July 16, 2013

So I’ve been busy. I have been writing and enjoyed good news. I probably should have shared it here earlier. I mean what is the point of having this blog if you don’t share good news when it comes?

The good news?

A play I wrote was selected for a 10 minute play festival.

The better news?

The wifebot is the director.

The bad news?

Well unless you happened to see it over the previous three weeks then you won’t be seeing it. That’s right; it’s come and gone before I ever said anything about it here. I’ve made a list of Cleveland themed writing goals, and this production helped me check one off of the list. The play was part of the 10×10 festival held in The River Street Theatre through Chagrin Valley Little Theatre. If you ever get a chance, check it out because they’re an awesome bunch.

I suppose at this point it’ll be best to mention what would probably be the real bad news. The festival and my play got totally reamed by a reviewer. This of course comes with the territory as a writer. I can easily shrug it off—not that I was hoping for a bad review—but I do deal with a ton of rejection. The reviewer called my play a “tedious affair.”


(note: as I started to write this post in my head but didn’t write till now I’ve forgotten some bit about crying myself to sleep. It was funny I assure you.)

Or rather he thought John Remick’s play was a tedious affair. I feel bad for this John guy. That’s right; he got my name wrong in the review. Now at first I laughed this off as probably a good thing, but the more I thought about it, the more it bothered me.

I mean if you’re going to call someone’s hard work tedious at least get their name right.


Which is what I posted and he responded “yes, that is preferred.”


A great time was had. I enjoyed the production. I wish I had more of a chance to work with the wifebot but that will come. The actors were awesome, and everyone had a good time. That is all that matters. Six of my coworkers even made it to see the show.

In the end, I was thrilled to see my play on stage and lucky enough to have help staying grounded by the terrible review.


Or at least John Remick was.

the week that was in pictures

May 7, 2012






1. what me creating poetry at work looks like.
2. Snicker-doodle yogurt from Menchies w/ Cap’n Crunch & Fruity Pebbles on top.
3. Me dressed for Bal Ingenieux to support Ingenuity Fest
4. The wifebot and I (with whiskey I brought in my flask) at Bal Ingenieux
5. Chilling with The Flash at Comics are Go on free comic book day.

The one tinged with violence

May 25, 2011

I’ve been known (from time to time) to actually get my shit together long enough to submit to places. The act of putting my stuff out there at one point was one of my strengths. Sometimes now it feels like a real chore. I’ve been on a real submission kick lately and well I’ve received some weirder rejection letters as of late.

So join me in a shot (my ritual of taking a shot and then moving on) and enjoy this one:

Dear James

Many thanks for the opportunity to consider your submission. Regretfully we must pass on the poems at this time. At ******** we try our best to return submissions with as much feedback as possible. Our editors were impressed with the raw beauty of your images. The energy throughout your poetry is evident; unfortunately we felt they were not right for us at this time. The poems which you submitted while beautiful at times were simply too tinged with violence. Nevertheless, again we thank you for considering us and send best wishes for you and your writing.

Yours sincerely,

******* **********

Now I won’t post the poems here (because too many these days count that as “publishing” them and won’t except em) but if you’d like to read them you can ask me.

Just be warned they’re crazy violent.

(and if you don’t like em I’ll KILL you.)
(Just playing.)

Thank you for reading and I send my best wishes for you and your other reading. For your benefit I leave you with this awesome and hilarious video about dealing with rejection:

Is this recap on?

August 16, 2010

And here we go. We need to rush right into the weekend recap because there was so much going on.

Wait I mostly sat on my couch all weekend?

Okay then. Those days can be good too. You know just sitting on the couch with your sweetie relaxing.

Oh it was mostly sitting on the couch with my laptop by myself? Well okay then.

Look can we just get through this recap without you asking so many questions? I mean rude. Give me a chance without all these accusations you keep throwing at me. I don’t need this type of abuse!

Anynotfunnyjoke the weekend was a strange mixture of doing things and sitting around. Friday night we had tickets to the Beck Center for the Arts production of ‘The Producers’. There will probably be a bigger post with my thoughts on the show tomorrow (no promises!) It was a fun time though. From there we made our way over to Parnell’s Pub to help the two soon to be newlyweds celebrate but since that plays is like 3 hours long we of course missed them. It was still a good time as always and we celebrated (read drank) with them in spirit. The wifey had 2 Strongbow and got a cute little buzz. She normally holds it better than that but it’s cute when she gets a little loopy up there.

Bed time a robust (what the what?) 2:30am.

And then Saturday we slept till noon. Yeah, for no real reason I slept that late and because of it woke up with a headache. This was a day for complete and utter uselessness. The wifey was on the phone with Dell for a long while (shocking I know.) I tried to get some writing done and shake the headache. I watched some English Premier League matches. We enjoyed our new French press.

Later in the day we went to see A night at the Opera (Marx Brothers bishes) at the Cinematheque. I’m digging the Cinematheque. A good place to watch flicks you can’t find elsewhere and you can bring your own food and drink into the theatre. I still don’t think the membership is all that worth it though but I love the place.

And I’m the Mayor bishes! (I’ll wait while you all yell your hatred for 4square out)

Afterwards we went home and had some delicious dinner. Of course the meal following the diets guidelines of:

1 protein
1 veggie
2 cups of lettuce
1 fruit

4 pounds lost last week which can be added to the previous 6 to make a decent start. Long ways to go but I know that and plan to make it there. It’s been easier this time because the wife has made a good variation of what we can have.

They say variety is the best way to make money in the prostitute business.

Something similar to that. Anyhooking from there we went to you guessed it Parnell’s! This time it was to meet some friends who now live out of this awesome state. We had a few drinks and a bunch of laughs. I got a few good overheard tidbits too. From there it was pretty much home and to bed.

Bed time: 1:00am

Sunday we woke up earlier but it was a lazy day for me (what else is new?) as I watched some more EPL and tried to write. I mostly just worked on some editing and what not which counts.

Is this thing on?

The wife did some cleaning and of course there was the Star Wars marathon on Spike TV. I can’t pass up Star Wars. It was fun to see her bust out with the appropriate famous line for whatever scene was on when she entered the room.

By fun I mean hot. Sexy sexy.

Anynerd then we went to her dad’s house for some grub and family time. Which is always fun, especially since he floated the idea of us going to a Brown’s game. We headed to the big bird for some quick fix to a food for the next day problem. Then we came home made sure to dvr the roast of Hasselhoff and I watched the end of Summerslam.

She went to bed pretty early and I stayed up writing and then doing the dishes.
Don’t ask.

Then I wrote out a post card to send to my Uncle who is in jail. It’s been a while since wev’e talked and I wanted a quick way for him to get something to know I’m thinking of him.

How was your weekend?

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Short and sticky post it note tuesday

April 13, 2010

Go read others here:

and make your own here.

Let’s just jump right on into these post it notes shall we?


Now I’m not saying all directors are weird people, just a majority some of them. I had a glimpse into the trials and tribulations directors had to deal with. The production wasn’t a major one but was hard work. The wifey and I weren’t weird directors but there are plenty of em out there.


The wife and I made a great team of directors. If need be we could be good cop bad cop. Here of course being bad cop. We handled things on the fly and it turned out pretty rocking. We were just like the Coen brothers if you know if one of them was a girl and they were having sex.



I won’t lie I enjoyed wearing the directing hat but writing the play is wear my heart remains. I’d be open to doing it again someday though.


The Hoff hosted Monday Night Raw last night and was awesome. This post it pretty much speaks for itself.

That’s all a short list today because I didn’t write them the night before and I’ve got a lot of things to do today.

It’s a RECAP! or My first week unemployed

March 22, 2010


Run! Gooo. Get to the choppa! ( I use this so much that I finally added “choppa” to the Microsoft word dictionary.)

I’m sorry I’m mixing my movie jokes again.

So my time as unemployed has begun. Like you couldn’t tell, but I digress. It’s been a weird week. I did some writing which was important. Did I make an all out breakthrough with anything? No, not really. I did do a good chunk of writing though and I managed to make some headway in the mess that is the currently play.

Organization is apparently an important thing.

I’ve made some goals. Goals are good right? I mean in soccer they are so they gotta be for me right? Cleveland Public Theatre (A local theatre here) will be receiving lots of scripts and etc from me in the near future. Also I need to be smart and take part in their ‘Dark Room’. It is held on the second Tuesday of every month and I think will be a great tool for any writer and/or actor. Actors and writers show up to a place where there is free Magic Hat beer (!) and writers bring 10 pages of writing to be read. Everyone gets together and bam just like that writers get to hear what their words sound like. Inconceivable!

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Sorry I did that whole random quote thing again. It does bring me to the next thing I did which was go see The Princess Bride at the @capitolw65th. It is part of their late shift that shows cult classic movies twice a month. It was a good time and provided some nice ‘Put my arm around my wife and laugh time’ that can be hard to come by sometimes. The late shift is a good time and cheap. You get some good times (either because you enjoy the movie or because it’s so bad you enjoy laughing at it) and it only cost 5 bucks. They do a good job of making it a fun time. They’ve had cake, ice cream, candy, dress ups and giveaways.

Most of the week has been sitting on my ass. Which yes has been a good thing but it’s also sucked a bit. The main problem was that the unemployment started right as March Madness did. I’ve not been able to watch all of the games in a long time and did not plan accordingly. The weather was nice enough to take walks but since I went about my routine of writing when I wake up I’d miss the chance. I’d write till it was time for the games to begin and by then it was too late to take a walk. My ass rapidly became sore (That’s what she said!) from sitting so damn much.

St. Patrick’s Day has always been fun for me. This year was one where I didn’t have to take it off to have the fun. The wife made cupcakes that are clear proof of Gods existence.
Or that she makes tasty things. Anycupcake. What she made was chocolate Guinness cupcakes with Irish whiskey Ganache filling and bailey’s butter cream frosting. Defuckinglightful! Dinner consisted of Beef and Guinness stew also defuckinglightful. The night consisted of spending time with Julie, Brandon Lindsay and my lovely wifey at Parnell’s Pub. A real fricking Irish Pub! You don’t get no car bombs or green fricking beer at this place. What do you get? Well I got a shirt that says it has the best head in Cleveland. Yeah!

Oh yeah filed for unemployment.

Beachland Brunch on Sunday with Julie, Marc, Brandon, and the wifey was tasty as ever. The wife and I shared a Bloody Ninja bloody Mary there. Yeah I k now the name is awesome! I’m happy that I’m mixing it up with new people. I don’t have many people I let it and I sort of make it hard to get to know me, but I think my group is expanding.

Yeah Progress!

So to sum up: Filing, Sitting, writing, sitting, sitting, sitting, Drinking, shirt buying, cupcakes, stew, sitting, friends, sitting, reading, writing, basketball, basketball, basketball, soccer, sitting, The Princess Bride, sitting, Brunch, sitting,

I’m sexy on myspace

September 30, 2009

Whilst taking a break from having the Devil explain the importance of the balance between good and evil to another character in my play I decided to read some blogs. That is when I came across the awesome shine’s newest post. It is about an email from what has to be the dreamiest catch of a guy ever. It is quite funny. Much funnier than this one will be but nonetheless inspired me to post this one. Partly because this is kind of funny in that creepy why me way and also because the post I was working on his a serious/sad one and I’m not in the mood for it.

So a couple weeks ago I get this message on Myspace (Yeah some are still on there!) from a dude. Apparently my married/straight profile was not enough to detract from the awesomeness I ooze and the sexiness of my beard and poetry. Enjoy:

how are you?im a 32 year old bi curious guy from kent,i like your profile. Are you bi curious too? i see youre married are guys okay then? i hope so. i’m new to here for school are you near here? Can we meet up for some fun or drinks? i like poetry and read it all the time. Words are cool man, good with words here too. bro good with other things too. interested yet? i liked your profile write me sometime if you get bored

And then in a follow up mail a week later he acts as if I’ve responded somehow:

hey man wats going on im not on here much but u can hit me up at 330 690 ****

It is a pretty convincing attempt and I may have to leave my wife for him. I’ve not totally dismissed the idea of pranking him somehow but that would probably make me a total jerk so this will probably be the extent of what I do.

Give me a pen and a pair of pants too!

September 9, 2009

This was supposed to be the recap (finally) of Oktoberfest post but somewhere along the way it changed. I’ve been having trouble writing (pretty documented in other whiny posts) as of late and recently it’s been combined with trouble sleeping. I determined that this lack of sleep would fuel a resurgence of writing, but a few things have happened instead. The first night I put this plan into motion instead of writing I ended up watching Voltron on youtube. The second night rolled around and more Voltron? Nope. This time I watched the Transformers animated movie from 1986, and when that ended I followed Kevin Smith’s 24 hour tweetathon.

*Full disclosure: both of those nights spent up but not writing were spent naked too. I’m sorry but I sleep naked and it would take way too much effort to continually try and put clothes back on.

Needless to say they weren’t very productive. Then today I see an ad for Pandemonium at Cleveland Public Theatre this Saturday night. That means a year ago I was had two short pieces done at Ingenuity Fest and then CPT’s Pandemonium. Professional productions what a playwright craves. This time last year I was sure this would be the moment. I’m not delusional enough to believe those two events would propel me to stardom, but I did believe it would give me the push I would need to write more effectively and submit submit submit. Momentum! Did it? Let’s go to a conversation that took place that night .

A fellow playwright and I waited in a long line in the back where the various artists were set to enter. When we reached the front of it the door guardian asked us for our names and the name of the piece. After telling them they searched the list, only to come up with nothing. They then spoke into their little head piece, as others grumbled. Eventually this conversation took place.

Door guardian: What was your name again?
Me: James Remick.
Door Guardian: I don’t see it here. What is the piece?
Me: We have our plays being done. We are the playwrights.
Door Guardian: So you aren’t artists?
Me: Well that’s debatable.

Eventually someone we knew passed by and let us in. That sums up how my year has gone writing wise. A lot has been accomplished and yet nothing really has. I lost an entire script—I won’t get into how now—too painful. I recreated the script from scraps of notes and somehow made I longer and I feel better. For the most part though in the year since nothing has really occurred. The momentum eventually faded away, and I know that is mostly my fault (read as my entire fault.) Somehow that play though finished on time was not submitted to Big Box like it was designed and now as I sit on the cusp of finishing another full length play I continue to ignore it. I’m not even sure where this post is going anymore (and I’ve a sneaking suspicion that it is simply to avoid working on the script). I did however probably because of this post from Linzi realize that I have a clear fear of failure. I have about 2 scenes to go and The Devil comes to Dinner will be done, but I’ve not worked on it for three weeks now. I think it is very likely because once it is finished it needs to be offered up to those who can reject it. I use to be the one other writers pointed to as the one to be like. I submitted everything anywhere I could with no fear. Now I can’t even bring myself to finish it. It’s been 3 weeks since I’ve worked on any script or poem. I can try and point to the stuff at work as the reason but right now I’m not sure I believe that is so true. And now I end this borefest because I don’t care how it happens I will write today.

I intend to stop being this (when it comes to writing):


and be more like this:

l2 wedding and the cab 053

You might want to wish me luck.

yay for awkward work moments

June 24, 2009

I never miss a beat. Latest email:

Hello James,
Thank you for taking the time to submit your application to Smidge Magazine. We have received an overwhelming response and at this time we are placing your application on standby at this time. In the near furture we may call upon you for an interview.
Again thank you for your time.
***** ******** Editor

I wonder does this count as a rejection? Does this mean the take a shot and shrug it off rule applies here?
Oh was I suppose to wait till you answered to take the shot? Sorry. Let us chalk that up to a learning experience. In other news some random customer hugged me today. Either she thought I knew her or I did know her. Awkward. Here is a very crude (but totally accurate) paint drawing of the event.

awkward work moment

Cus I’m an Alien

May 28, 2009

What is about to follow is the first single from E.T.’s debut self titled album. There is a detailed track listing to come. And yes I mean this guy:


Let’s start at the why: Because that’s how I roll. So my close friend Linzi has an irrational fear of E.T. so of course we exploit this whenever possible. We had a little stuffed doll and well one thing lead to another and he was rapping. Sometime along that car ride I decided I’d actually make his album. Without further adieu or fanfare I’m sure here it is.

Cus I’m an alien

Check that bassline out
From travelling throughout the galaxies
To collecting sample among California trees.
Rollin’ on my own since I was a young pup
Mess with my Boy Elliot n you’ll get f’d up
Who be the only alien you know to knock back a brew?
You know I still be getting it on with Drew

Cus I’m an alien
Cus I’m an alien
Cus I’m an alien

Made Spielberg the hottest thang since Star Wars
Popped on the scene and put Leia on all fours.
Just wanted to get it back with my peeps
But all those G men are creeps.
White suits putting me in plastic tents.
Play me? I’ll gat them and tell em get bentz


Cus I’m an alien
Cus I’m an alien
Cus I’m an alien

All these imitators got to be joking
Red finger to the law cus you know I be smoking
Fools and scientist alike.
When you thought I was dying I said psyche.
I got my own theme park ride what you got?
Nothing you can’t feel me, like the sun I’m blazing hot.

Cus I’m an alien
Cus I’m an alien
Cus I’m an alien

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