It’s a RECAP! or My first week unemployed

March 22, 2010


Run! Gooo. Get to the choppa! ( I use this so much that I finally added “choppa” to the Microsoft word dictionary.)

I’m sorry I’m mixing my movie jokes again.

So my time as unemployed has begun. Like you couldn’t tell, but I digress. It’s been a weird week. I did some writing which was important. Did I make an all out breakthrough with anything? No, not really. I did do a good chunk of writing though and I managed to make some headway in the mess that is the currently play.

Organization is apparently an important thing.

I’ve made some goals. Goals are good right? I mean in soccer they are so they gotta be for me right? Cleveland Public Theatre (A local theatre here) will be receiving lots of scripts and etc from me in the near future. Also I need to be smart and take part in their ‘Dark Room’. It is held on the second Tuesday of every month and I think will be a great tool for any writer and/or actor. Actors and writers show up to a place where there is free Magic Hat beer (!) and writers bring 10 pages of writing to be read. Everyone gets together and bam just like that writers get to hear what their words sound like. Inconceivable!

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Sorry I did that whole random quote thing again. It does bring me to the next thing I did which was go see The Princess Bride at the @capitolw65th. It is part of their late shift that shows cult classic movies twice a month. It was a good time and provided some nice ‘Put my arm around my wife and laugh time’ that can be hard to come by sometimes. The late shift is a good time and cheap. You get some good times (either because you enjoy the movie or because it’s so bad you enjoy laughing at it) and it only cost 5 bucks. They do a good job of making it a fun time. They’ve had cake, ice cream, candy, dress ups and giveaways.

Most of the week has been sitting on my ass. Which yes has been a good thing but it’s also sucked a bit. The main problem was that the unemployment started right as March Madness did. I’ve not been able to watch all of the games in a long time and did not plan accordingly. The weather was nice enough to take walks but since I went about my routine of writing when I wake up I’d miss the chance. I’d write till it was time for the games to begin and by then it was too late to take a walk. My ass rapidly became sore (That’s what she said!) from sitting so damn much.

St. Patrick’s Day has always been fun for me. This year was one where I didn’t have to take it off to have the fun. The wife made cupcakes that are clear proof of Gods existence.
Or that she makes tasty things. Anycupcake. What she made was chocolate Guinness cupcakes with Irish whiskey Ganache filling and bailey’s butter cream frosting. Defuckinglightful! Dinner consisted of Beef and Guinness stew also defuckinglightful. The night consisted of spending time with Julie, Brandon Lindsay and my lovely wifey at Parnell’s Pub. A real fricking Irish Pub! You don’t get no car bombs or green fricking beer at this place. What do you get? Well I got a shirt that says it has the best head in Cleveland. Yeah!

Oh yeah filed for unemployment.

Beachland Brunch on Sunday with Julie, Marc, Brandon, and the wifey was tasty as ever. The wife and I shared a Bloody Ninja bloody Mary there. Yeah I k now the name is awesome! I’m happy that I’m mixing it up with new people. I don’t have many people I let it and I sort of make it hard to get to know me, but I think my group is expanding.

Yeah Progress!

So to sum up: Filing, Sitting, writing, sitting, sitting, sitting, Drinking, shirt buying, cupcakes, stew, sitting, friends, sitting, reading, writing, basketball, basketball, basketball, soccer, sitting, The Princess Bride, sitting, Brunch, sitting,

Is that a banana in your pocket or just TMI Thursday?

February 18, 2010

It’s that time again kiddies. You know what time. No I’m not going to make another Back to the Future joke or even one of those wait…what? pauses I do constantly. If you guessed it’s family disclaimer time than you are right.

You’ll get nothing and like it!

So family (though I’m pretty sure the only one who consistently read it is my sis Lisa) you’re gonna not wanna read on after the break. Sorry. It’s just after much thought on what to post and the wife telling me one idea was just gross and would cause loss of readers I settled on the banana story. So again you probably don’t want to read on. I did think of you. Readers read on but family click the links and enjoy.

Steve Nash is the most ridiculous man in the world.
Patent Pending’s parody of Jersey Shore.

Actually everyone should click the links sometime and enjoy the videos.

Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

TMI Thursday

This one takes us back to the pre wifey days. A dark scary time. Despite their victory over the Galactic Empire with the destruction of the Death Star, the Empire’s forces have driven the Rebel Alliance into hiding…

Yes Star Wars Reference! Okay so truth be told it wasn’t all that bad a time period. I mean it was high school and that went semi ok all in all, but at least I was getting some seemingly more than anyone else I knew. I mean this chick was insatiable. That’s right it goes way back to the crazy ex who sexed up a chicken pox filled sick virgin. As much as I enjoyed the sexy I cannot stress she was crazy. Okay but onward I go. I believe her parents were away and she told me to come over. There was some mention of watching some really horrible sounding chick flick—which almost had me cancel.

Of course when I got there she opened the door with one tit (purposely) sticking out of her tank top and he hideous jean shorts already unbuttoned. As soon as I was in the door she was kissing me and rubbing little jimi. After a little bit of playing right up against the door we made our way into her bedroom. As she stripped off the rest of her clothes in the door way she mentioned something about adding something to make it even more fun. She then exited and returned with a plastic bag. I kid you not when I write this but she wrote on the bag:


I’m seriously. So she tells me that she bought some food to make it fun (SEXI) today. Now I’m a fatty loompa so you know food for me is always good, but was still skeptical. I thought maybe she’d pull out some whip cream or something. The first thing she pulled out was a banana. It looked like this then:

So before I could ask just what exactly she wanted done with said banana she jumped in bed and was all gob on my knob. Then it proceeded to some petting and rubbing and she moaned “use the banana on me.” So a tad skeptical but always eager to please (because that’s how I roll) I reached for the banana. Now some time between the sucking and the petting she peeled it. Why would she peel it? Why? So I questioned and she said “just stick it in me.” I looked. “Fuck me with it!” and with the quickness of a sicko ninja she stuffed that half peeled banana in her coochie. Now it went in and smushed. She kept me pumping it in and on her astronaut drink. Bazinga!

Anyways she slammed her astronaut drink up at it and my hand kept pushing it in and on it (why?!) and finally she moaned and told me she was so close and begged me to eat her out. So I look down there and her crotch looked like there had been a war between the banana people and the astronaut people. Banana carnage was everywhere. I won’t get into too much more detail but she had quite a black bush and it was now tangled with the corpse of the poor banana. Banana afterwards:

Yes those little black squiggles are pubes. It was a broken browning pube infiltrated mess. Soon she began rubbing her hand all around her astronaut drink and asking me to go down on here. I won’t get into any more detail and I’ll let you guess as to if I went down on her or not. I really hope someone got the astronaut drink thing! As a closing note I will tell you what else was in the bag. The SEXI FOOD consisted of Strawberries,another banana (Why?!), cherries, and an apple.

Wait an apple? What the hell??

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