New Poem: Blueberry Ale

November 2, 2010

Here is another poem. It is part of the book titled: Love is a Donkey. Now for some interaction (should you choose to accept your mission.) from you all. The poem is titled Blueberry Ale (right now) but the wifey thinks it should be titled “The Art of Giving Blow Jobs”. What say you dear reader? As always any comments appreciated.

After the third bottle the topic turned to sex.
This was usually the case but never with so many people
mulled and munched veggies. The party should’ve been over.
Rick finished off the hummus by himself. It was thick and homemade.
We found him on the toilet a joint in one hand and the other knuckle deep in the bowl.
“At least he’s not jacking off again” Johnny offered. He was right.

Two years from now he’d jump off a highway over pass.
His body smashed through the windshield of a brown Taurus.
He always had to take someone down with him. A pocket full of peach schnapps’
I got drunk at his funeral. “I always hated smooth tongued Johnny Ray.” I quipped
to the pretty girl at the bar. I undressed her with my eyes.
It turned out to be his sister.

At one point I must have met her. She may have even been at the party.
Pieces of poetry and scraps of art were thrown about.
It was the last of its kind. The only one where we were all friends and artists
If we had known that it may have changed things.
Of course in the end we’d still be high and debating the art of blow jobs.


Sundays with Ginsberg

October 22, 2010

I know. I know another cheapy post with a poem. Those of you who hate poetry I’m sorry. I’m working on some new posts and hope to have one up this weeked–or at least something. Until then have a great Friday and again any thoughts (good or bad) welcomed.

Sundays with Ginsberg

Pockets and pockets filled with pills.

We dined on tables, made of trash cans turned upside down;

to see the truth in everything. Poems and cognac covered the ground.

We ate our weight in chicken wings and

left finger shaped BBQ stains on the couch

oozed with bodies as the sun rose and slept crept in the window

witches were drawn in ashes. I named mine Piqué.

It started a chorus of boos and murmurs. She was the bell of the ball

-ed up condoms became art. And when my wife called I almost always took it.

A gem in the hand

September 23, 2010

So quite a few have asked that I post my writing here. I’ve sort of been a little iffy on posting stuff such as poetry here, because I don’t want you to get your grubby hands on it.

Just kidding.

Or am I?

I am just kidding. “When the hell aren’t you?” you may be asking and to that I say: I don’t know.


Anywriting the request for it have been nice and makes me feel good. I was unsure as to put it on here because I didn’t want to force feed poetry (or other writing) down readers throats. I mean some peeps just don’t dig on the poetry and that’s not okay you jerk faces okay. If you don’t I’m sorry. If you do well gold stars to you (I love all of you anyway.) Sometimes I will provide notes to the poetry on when and where (perhaps shading why) it was written and etc…

All that being said any and all feed back is appreciated. Really it is.With that said jump on board and let us take a ride down poetry lane!

A gem in the hand

He shook awake. / His dream fresh / sweat on his brow. / The cave empty / stomach tight. / He stepped out of his cave. / Relieved his bladder in the bush / and choked / there was no moon / plucked from the sky in his dream / that felt like a nightmare. / He could see the hand / still and strong / a face on its thumb. / it flicked / opened and swallowed it whole / moments went by before he closed his robe / but did not move. / blinked. / once. / twice. / but the dark purple remained / moonless / he cried / “was it me father?” / he called out. / Only an owl answered from a distance.

Post it Note Tuesday Vol. 6

January 26, 2010

So I skipped Post it note Tuesday (oh man I think I may need to refer to it as PINT from here on out!) Yeah I skipped it because I wrote about a gajillion of them the day before and then lost the sheet of paper I wrote them on. Okay it was really just like 5 of them but they were good. I think. Anypint I didn’t want to rush like 6 day of so I did a little skipola. All that being said it’s time once again. Here I go again on my own. Walking down the only road I’ve ever known. Like a drifter I was born to walk alone……what? Yeah I did just break out a White Snake reference for no real reason at all. I mean seriously it had nothing to do with the PINTS. Just read em if ya like.










I’m sexy on myspace

September 30, 2009

Whilst taking a break from having the Devil explain the importance of the balance between good and evil to another character in my play I decided to read some blogs. That is when I came across the awesome shine’s newest post. It is about an email from what has to be the dreamiest catch of a guy ever. It is quite funny. Much funnier than this one will be but nonetheless inspired me to post this one. Partly because this is kind of funny in that creepy why me way and also because the post I was working on his a serious/sad one and I’m not in the mood for it.

So a couple weeks ago I get this message on Myspace (Yeah some are still on there!) from a dude. Apparently my married/straight profile was not enough to detract from the awesomeness I ooze and the sexiness of my beard and poetry. Enjoy:

how are you?im a 32 year old bi curious guy from kent,i like your profile. Are you bi curious too? i see youre married are guys okay then? i hope so. i’m new to here for school are you near here? Can we meet up for some fun or drinks? i like poetry and read it all the time. Words are cool man, good with words here too. bro good with other things too. interested yet? i liked your profile write me sometime if you get bored

And then in a follow up mail a week later he acts as if I’ve responded somehow:

hey man wats going on im not on here much but u can hit me up at 330 690 ****

It is a pretty convincing attempt and I may have to leave my wife for him. I’ve not totally dismissed the idea of pranking him somehow but that would probably make me a total jerk so this will probably be the extent of what I do.

fun friday…maybe?

September 4, 2009

Is it possible to be suffering from the winter doldrums the first week of September? Maybe or maybe I’m just in the biggest funk of my life. Now being a writer I apparently have the disposition to be moody and brooding (or perhaps broody?) No? Okay. So I get in the gloomy moods, the brooding moods, the woe is me starving writer mood, but I always pull out quickly.

Ed note: Not too quickly ladies. What’s that you say? I’m married? Oh yes of course. Quite happily too!!

Where was I? Hoping my wife doesn’t read my blog? Oh stop that. Ah being the gloomy writer. I’ve had that aspect of my personality for well as long as I can remember. It is a part of me that I’ve grown to accept and deal with. I can usually snap right out of it. I mean with a wife like this:

and a bestie who will do this:170

how could I not? Plus it usually can disperse with a few angry texts to the L-rizz. I get into funks that’s a given. Usually some reading, drinking, writing (hell all three!) can take care of it. This is like a super funk—the Godzilla of funks. Sure it has a lot to do with the changes that I’m not happy with at work, and probably that I’ve not seen my closest friends in a while. Oh and several rejections—England simply does not like my poetry—these I shrug off with a shot or two. None of the usual things have worked. I haven’t read or written in basically a week (blog reading/writing aside). I’ve done the drinking but it’s been of the home alone at 10 am variety. This text with L-rizz sums it up perfectly:

Me: How did I use to fight despair because I forgot?
L-rizz: Well you had to do something

But what? Can it be I actually had some sort of way to ward these funks off and really forgot it? Do you have something, some sure fire way to get out of funks? If so let me know, maybe it was the thing I forgot. Yesterday helped a little. I did a lot of organizational type stuff for my writing. I submitted to places (not in England) and worked on some writing.

All that leads me to Fun Friday! This weekend needs to be fun even if I am working for 8 hours on Saturday and 8 more on freaking Sunday!

This weekend I’ll be going to Oktoberfest! You know when not working the entire weekend! Bastards! I will also be attending Fast Times At Ridgemont High at the cedar lee of course.

Anyhoo this week’s fun Friday suggestion other than those two things is go to a toy store. It needs to be a fun retro toy store like big fun if you can find one. Once there soak it all in baby, and then buy you some animal noses. They are a ton of fun. You can create a collection.

pig nose

yay for awkward work moments

June 24, 2009

I never miss a beat. Latest email:

Hello James,
Thank you for taking the time to submit your application to Smidge Magazine. We have received an overwhelming response and at this time we are placing your application on standby at this time. In the near furture we may call upon you for an interview.
Again thank you for your time.
***** ******** Editor

I wonder does this count as a rejection? Does this mean the take a shot and shrug it off rule applies here?
Oh was I suppose to wait till you answered to take the shot? Sorry. Let us chalk that up to a learning experience. In other news some random customer hugged me today. Either she thought I knew her or I did know her. Awkward. Here is a very crude (but totally accurate) paint drawing of the event.

awkward work moment

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