What I learned last week: 6/3-6/10

July 10, 2011

What I learned from last week

Group interviews suck:

Ok technically I already knew this. I’d been in group interviews before and they’ve always sucked. Last week I had an interview for a job at a college. I arrived all gussied up and what not. When I checked in I heard group interview and my first instinct was to run. I didn’t I sucked it up and went through with it. It was horridly painful. It ended with each of us having to get up in front and do a “commercial” about ourselves.

Katy Perry is hot.

Ok again something I already knew. I’ve never hid the fact that I have an HUGE crush on Katy Perry. The problem it seems is I also enjoy her music. I mean it’s not my favorite in the world but I dig it and she is way hot. So the wifebot bought tickets to her concert and I went.

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Katy Perry puts on a surprising good show.

She sort of won me over with her performance.
(Okay she had already won me over with her boobs, but still.)
Her show was very theatrical and pretty fun.

Star Trek the Next Generation: The Porn Parody:

Yes there is this. They do appear to have tried to have a real plot and decent attempt at graphics. Kimberly Kane (another crush of mine.) is in it, but unfortunately not really in the trailer. She plays Dr. Crusher.

I REALLY like to talk about my writing:

We all probably knew that, but this week it really stuck out. There was this strange dude at the wife’s show and he heard me say I was a playwright. He asked to talk with me and asked about my writing. I talked and answered all his questions even when it got weird. He seemed to be steering it toward trying to “collaborate” with me.

The wifebot is an amazing actress:

Again already knew this but the shows this weekend were pretty impressive. Plus look what the Sun News said: Catherine Remick (the wifebot) and Natalie Dolezal start off the festival with strong, snarky emotion absolutely crucial to the scene and some of the most capable and natural acting in the production. I got it here.

Going out to see Fireworks can be a good time:

I’ve sort of been lukewarm about going to see fireworks. I mean I enjoy it but this year I had a lot of fun.The three shillelaghs headed over to family fest (I think it was called that) presented by RTA. It was a good time. It was nice to hang out enjoying the 216 on a blanket with friends and random people.

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We’re rock stars:

Two times last week the wifebot and I were singled out for being awesome. As we left for the Katy Perry concert we were stopped by a lady. She said “you two look like you was walking right out of a magazine.” On the 4th of July as we entered the family fest (or whatever) a man stopped us to take our picture. He thought we were “such an interesting couple” and “looked made for each other.”

Finding lost friends:

Just yesterday my meebo app (lets me chat easily on my phone) signed on by itself. My sound was off and I was unaware. It’s connected to my aim (I know right?) and someone who I met thru a band’s message board immed me. I saw it like 3 hours later but luckily she was still online. We talked and it was nice. We’ve made sure to connect in other ways. It was very nice.

Movies on the couch:

It is such a simple joy putting in a movie and cuddling with the wifebot. Perfection.


Sleeping with my wife Part VII: The New Blood

March 1, 2011

Hello,
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?

I’ll give you a moment to recover from the vague Pink Floyd reference or the coughing fit caused by the dust of 10 straight days without a post. Go on take your time.

(Don’t take your time we haven’t got all day. I’m sure YOU should be working.)

(Slackers!)

As you know (from the title) it’s time for another installment of slepping with my wife. You also would see that I’m still awesome at making vague horror movie references!

No my wife is not Jason Voorhees.

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Today we return to the fertile ground that is my lovely wife. It’s her birthday tomorrow so wish her a happy birthday on twitter!

Last Friday night was a very weird night. I want you to know I resisted the urge to quote the Katy Perry song ‘Last Friday Night’ there.

It was hard though.

(That’s what she said!)

Swoon. So hot.

(Shut up)

Okay so last Friday (during the day) was mostly uneventful. I was mostly searching for jobs and battling the gloom bug. Around the time the wifey came home (about 4:45 or so) I decided I’d be taking a nap. That really turned out ugly and I slept essentially till 8. Grub and tv time followed.

The time came to get into bed.
(Bow chikka bow wow)

The wifey (as most usually) was asleep pretty much as soon as her head hit the pillow. I had a bit more trouble, which of course made sense. I after all did sleep like 4 hours during the afternoon. The only problem was I was VERY sleepy. I felt like I could sleep for days but sleep never came. I was a lump of wide awakeness on the bed. The kitties joined me but they too quickly went right to sleep.

I was alone.
All alone.
(You say awwww now.)
(Do it.)

I listened to sports radio. I got up and had some water. I tried my left side, I tried my right side. Nada. I got up and watched some bad TV and did a little bit o writing. A very little bit. I got back in bed. I was still just a lump of sleeplessness. Then as I tried to plunder dream land the wife sat up.

Then she got off the bed. She stood there for a split second and then began to chuckle.

Me: Something funny.
Her: Yeah.
(Chuckles.)
Me: Gonna share?

(Now she’s on the move. She went around the bed and stopped near the door. She laughs some more.)

Her: I can’t believe I forgot. So much to do. (Laughs.)
Me: What are you doing?
Her: I forgot about it.

(She goes out of the bedroom and looks back in. Then she slowly closes the door.)

Me (to one of our cats): Should I go get her Rasputin?
Rasputin: ….
Me: Good answer.

(About a minute or so later she came back in.)

Me: What were you doing?
Her: I don’t know…I thought….

Then she was in bed and back to sleep. I however didn’t sleep again until about 9 in the morning. She apparently had a dream that people from work were coming over and she forgot about it. She thought she needed to get busy cleaning because they’d be there soon.


The one with the ear junk

September 17, 2010

What a nice chilly Cleveland morning we have today. The gray skies and gloom is back and I won’t lie I always miss them. They comfort me. The clouds and grayness are old friends who treat me so much better than the sun. Don’t believe me?

Well non believer see exhibit a:

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Somehow I got sunburned in the oddest of ways. On each leg there was a long boomerang shaped burn and then two little clam shaped burn marks on my chest. Yeah I have no clue how it happened that way. I do blame the wifey though. That is neither here nor there though.

Speaking of the wife (I love you honey—she doesn’t actually read this) she insisted I write up this story. When I told her about it she laughed (rather loudly—like she was watching True Blood) for about a minute and a half.

A few days before we went on our Hunt for the key master tour I went for a walk as per my usual. Every day I try to go for at least an hour walk. This time was no different. The only problem was I couldn’t find my headphones. I scrounged around and finally found a new pair. I stuffed em in and went for my walk.
It was a longer than normal walk but still rather uneventful. Except that I heard this:

“As a drug addict you saying you’re “jonesing” for a turkey sandwich really offends me” — 1 worker to another as they worked on a lawn.

That was awesome and of course posted to @overheardohio. I hope you follow it!

Shamelessssssssssssss plug FTW!

Anywalk I returned home and sat down to a huge glass of water and some writing. I dropped the headphones off on the table and got down to business.

Writing you perverts! Yeah writing.

Anymasturbationjoke I got some good work in and the walk and headphones faded from my mind. My ear was very itchy. I scratched at it and something was in my ear. I gave it an itch and something plopped out. It landed on my notebook. It was a weird discolored white chunk of something.

I stared at it.
Stared some more.
And some more. I had no clue just what it was. I mean at all. It looked odd and resembled nothing.
I started to freak out just a bit. I pushed at it with my pen.
What the fuck is wrong with my ear?
Seriously?

Then I realized it was a piece of the headphones that came off in my ear. Enjoy your weekend bishes!

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The recap where I’m lazy

August 30, 2010

The weekend has once again come and passed. I didn’t want Monday to show its face and ruin everything. I dreaded it all night. Okay pause. I just wanted all you employed folk to feel better about your dreading and dragging. Me? I’m sitting here in my boxers sipping coffee and listening to the radio. What is Monday?
Anyunemployed the weekend was not really filled at all. I think I left the apartment 3 times since Friday.
Yeah I’m lazy I’ve learned to love and accept it. Saturday we headed over to Astound! to finally make our comic book run and I had 40 bucks of comic books waiting for me.

Friday meant it was time to see Lou Motherflipping Barlow. The show rocked the Grog for something like 2 hours. It was awesome. It was way fun to hang with Silliebean and the lovely Camilla. It was fun yelling “do it” at Lou Barlow with her. It was also fun to hear her heckle someone she likes.

Good times.

Such as silliebean leaning in and telling Camilla’s friend that she heard that the people from Great Lakes Brewing Company are dicks and he replied:

I work there.

It was awesome! Now pictures:

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Yeah that’s all. I did say I was lazy. If you haven’t read the other story from Friday night read it here.

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The one with the guy who thought he was smooth

August 28, 2010

No it’s not me. I know I’m not smooth.

At least not 100 % of the time.

The following takes place at the Lou Barlow and the Missing Men show at the Grog Shop. It really has nothing to do with the show itself. That post will come later. The story is about a guy. A guy who clearly thinks he is smooth with women but most clearly is not. He was as generic normal looking as the next college guy hitting up a show at the grog shop.

(I’m pretty sure he practices fist pumping in the mirror.)

AnyJerseyShoreReference I was in the men’s bathroom when I first encountered the tool young man—oh who am I kidding he was a tool. I was at one of the three urinals making a sissy (ha take that wife!) and there was another guy at another one.

Side note: The grog means bathroom is set up so that there are 2 urinals on one wall and a 3rd directly on the opposite wall. Here crappy drawing to confuse and horrify you:

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So keep that horrible paint shop chicken scratch in mind. So Douche O’Tool saunters on into the bathroom. There is a guy washing his hands and (as said before) two urinals being used. I’m at urinal A and there is a skinny dude at Urinal C. Now the quarters are close but unless you are precious (bad form peter) or fat bastard you can get in there easily. You know in and to the urinal without you know touching another dude and becoming gay because of it. He says:

O’Tool: Woah! A line in here what is this the woman’s room?

(No line not sure what he was talking about.)

O’Tool: I’m not going to that urinal and that guy is at the sink or I’d pee there.

At this point someone comes in and O’Tool says to him:

O’Tool: You see that chicks tits?

Guy: No, who?

O’Tool: Some chick out there.

So now I go to wash my hands and he runs to the urinal and pees. As I finish and leave he zips ups and hurriedly squeezes past me. As he does a girl is rounding the corner to go to the ladies room. She is wearing a cool Dinosaur Jr. Tee:

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He stops her as she reaches the door.

O’Tool: That’s a dope shirt.

Chick: Thanks.

O’Tool: That’s a shirt that says “date me” all over it.

Chick: No thanks.

(She pushes door open.)

O’Tool: Hey mebbe we can xchange digits?

Chick: I don’t know about that.

O’Tool: Oh. You want me to wait out here?

(She goes inside the bathroom)

Yeah that actually happened. And yes I actually stopped to listen to this—pretending that I was texting someone—because I knew O’Tool wouldn’t let me down.

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The one where I sell Land Sharks

August 27, 2010

So today I was going to discuss some stuff that was depressing/stressing me, but you don’t want that gloom on your friday do you?

Oh as long as it’s my suffering you are on board?

(Jerks.)

Anybadstart I was going to until something faboo occured. A friend from high school chatted me up on aim. I know who uses aim anymore?

Oh wait I do. God you guys are mean.

(cyber bullying is wrong!)

She immed me and well she has always been slightly awkward to talk with. Well from the get go I pretty much decided I’d get some stress relief out of this convo. So I present to you one of the reasons it probably sucks to know/interact with me in any way.

Friend from school: HI.
Me: Oh my god your caps just broke my eyes!
F: What??
Me: I’m sorry I can’t see what you said because my eyes are broken now. Press 2.
F: Why?
Me: I see you didn’t press 2. I still can’t see though.
F: Why can’t you be serious?
Me: Because I was born a preemie.
F: You were? I didn’t know that.
Me: Oh I sent a memo out from the incubator, check your spam folder.
F: Liar.
Me: Burnt orange crayon.
F: What the heck?
Me: You called me a name so I called you a name.
F: Oh. How have you been?
Me: Still trying to get over the trauma of being a preemie.
F: lol. Sorry.
Me: Sorry doesn’t bring back my lost buddies. I saw em die man.
F: Anyway, I’m finishing up school…
Me: You don’t know you weren’t there.
F: Okay….what about school?
Me: They don’t let preemies in schools.
F: I have on semester left and then I dunno what I do.
Me: You stop going.
F: No. One more semester.
Me: No after you finish you stop going.
F: Yeah and find my job.
Me: Check in the last pair of pants you wore.
F: For?
Me: For your lost job?
F: I didn’t lose it.
Me: I can’t deal with your propaganda.
F: What?
Me: Nothing….
F: What is your job?
Me: Don’t spy on me.
F: What?
Me: You say that a lot.
F: You say weird things.
Me: You say things like a burnt orange crayon.
F: I don’t know what that means.
Me: Preemie slang.
F: Oh.
F: What is your job?
Me: Land Shark.
F: I don’t know what that is….
Me: I sell em.
F: What?
Me: Land Sharks. Door to door.
F: I don’t get it.
Me: No money no sharkie.
F: But what is it?
Me: Of the land variety. You see that Saturday night sketch with the guy in a shark suit?
F: Yeah I think…
Me: Well I sell people guys in sharks suits to go around and you know say “Land Shark”
F: Why?
Me: My preemie officer says I need money.
F: Who?
Me: Top men.
F: o….
Me: *ding dong* “Land shark here”
F: Okay…
Me: No you don’t answer the door he’ll eat you.
F: Who?
Me: Whoever the hell you paid me to give you in a land shark.
F: Oh…they come to the door?
Me: well it won’t work if they don’t. Then you wait till they say “united way collecting money for the needy” or you know some such thing and you open the door.
F: What do they give me?
Me: They eat you.
F: Funny.
Me: I think you lied about seeing it. Pay me for the Land shark now.
F: Maybe I didn’t
Me: No shark if you don’t hand over the bark.
F: What?
Me: “Land shark”
F: Phone…
Me: That’s not my name!
F: On phone.
F: BRB.
Me: My eyeeeeeeeeees. They shattered again!

I hope you enjoy your Friday and weekend bishes!

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The one that happened because of twitter

August 21, 2010

Wiktionary defines a tweetup:

A real-life meeting organised on the social networking site Twitter.

While I’ve heard this one more than a few times:

“People who have nothing to do meet up with people they tweet when they have nothing to do.”

Both are flawed in that they don’t involve alcohol.

Got’s to have my Jack bishes!

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Anydrinking you may gather from this that I attended a “tweetup” last night. Well that or I spend my Saturdays looking up definitions of things. You know whichever. Probably both of them.

So the legend goes that I had convinced the wifey to go to a local wrestling promotion. It was for Absolute Intense Wrestling (AIW): The World is not Enough. It was being held at a bar in Broadview Hts. The place is called Jockos sports bar. It was pretty understood that she was not going to enjoy it nearly as much as I was.

Side note: She enjoys it more than she lets on.

Anytights this had been planned for weeks. Everything was fine. We were going and I was paying for it. We’d be pretty even when it comes for the tit for tat aspect of marriage. I mean I’ve gone to more than a few musicals just for her.

Compromises bishes!

Then twitter struck. People I dig (and have met before) started planning something. Okay I’d like to see them. I like hanging with them so I have a tiny pause in my plans. No AIW on the 20th! Then they chose my favorite place—Parnell’s Pub.

Damnit.
Then there were more people going.
Damnit.

Then I freaked out about money or you know lack thereof. I figured how I spend my money has to mean something good. Spending money on a ticket for someone who didn’t really want to be there didn’t seem the best way to spend it. Spending money at a place I love, with people I dig did. So I changed my mind. We headed over to Parnell’s at about 7pm. But back that shizzle up for a second. First a bit about my day:

I woke up and made coffee.
Then I went outside to get my paper.
It of course wasn’t there.
I cursed whoever took it. I wished that whoever took it had shards of glass coated in salt shoved in their pee hole.
Looked for a job.
Emailed some jobs.
Wrote some samples.
Reviewed notes for a review I was going to do.
Realized it was time for Yoga.
Did my yoga (45 minutes bishes)
wondered why I use bishes so much did some weights.
I went for a walk. This walk lasted about an hour and a half.

Nowhere in there did you see eat right? Yeah that’s because I forgot to eat. What the heckers?

Uhm did I really just use “what the heckers?”?

So went to Parnell’s and I got to get a nice buzz because I had no food in me whatsoever. It was a fun time. It was cool to hang with Dave and Alicia again. I got to meet some new peeps too.

@willgoldstein
@katatvandy
@AllLacqueredUp
@PuckingGoalie
@tripsdad

It was a good ole time. We stayed till a few minutes after midnight. This of course was problematic since we had no dinner (and I no food all day!) and being midnight not many options. We had not cheated on the diet, but we did last night. Guys pizza to the rescue. I don’t believe this will hinder the diet at all. The next day we are back on track and ready freddy to continue on it.
There were two pictures taken during the fun times:

First there is Admiral Ackbar making sure the sharpie was not a trap.

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Then the bartender took a picture of all attendees:

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Don’t we look so happy?

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