the one with an island

August 25, 2014

The weekend has come and gone quickly once again. When one of the weekend days always involves being at work the weekend will go fast. Oh well. I was happy that we managed to get some DDP Yoga in on both nights. Sunday I was at work all day. It went pretty smooth and I met some first time visitors who were awesome.

Saturday was packed though. It was time for our yearly trip to Put In Bay. We started off with breakfast at Luna Bakery Café. This is where every roadie big or small starts. If you’re in Cleveland (and especially Cleveland Hts) get there. They are singlehandedly to blame for my recent obsession with making homemade granola. Then off to PIB and coming up with a name for it. Last year it was The Three Shillelaghs Naughty Nautical Adventures.

This year it was The Three Shillelaghs Naughty Nautical Adventures: The Second one. (Sharknado 2 reference bitches)

Amazingly and unplanned we ended up going on Commodore Perry’s birthday. OHP as we Shillelaghs (Kat, Linzi) call him. He is an honorary member of the Shillelaghs (along with NPH and Rivers Cuomo). We made it over to the island and stopped to get our golf cart.

(How else would we tool around the island?)

We were assigned Darth Vader. Everything was coming up Shillelaghs!

It was the SLOWEST cart ever….

There were musket demonstrations.
There was carronade firing demonstration:

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It was awesome and loud. The wifebot managed to (mostly) get a video of it while she plugged her ears. Check that out here.

As if all that wasn’t cool enough: OHP was in the house.

OHP! Everything was definitely coming up Shillelaghs.

This guy:

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There was an actual person there playing the role of Commodore Oliver Hazard Perry. He was a Professor who researched/created a one man show. He was pretty awesome. I regret that we didn’t manage to get a picture with him.

How does that happen?

We headed up Perry’s Victory and International Peace Memorial. It sure is pretty up there. From there we can see all the islands the Shillelaghs own. I think this year we made it a goal to hang out on Starve (island) at some point.

Nothing could go wrong with that idea. Here is a photo of me trying out my poet’s gaze on the monument (Walden filter):

 

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Looking pretty fit, no? And check out that rad beard.

Of course we had to head to Key West and get some fruity girly drinks. I had something called a bushwacker

(bow chikka bow wow)

Then a not so proud moment happened. As we walked to The Round House bar a woman face planted right in front of me. Now before I could even think to help her I swerved right around her and kept on going. What a gentlemen.  #JimiFail

(Yeah I used a hashtag.)

We ended up going to the Beer Barrel Saloon. Because if the shillelaghs are going to go to a bar it better be the longest bar. Here we (wifebot and I) had an Electric Lemonade Bucket. It looked like this:

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It was like blueberry vodka, blue Curaçao, lemonade, and something else. It was terrible.

 

TERRIBLE.

 

I’ll sum up the trip with some more photos.

 

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Hope you’re weekend was fun.

 


best of overheardohio Nov-Jan

February 17, 2014

ohiosaywhat2

I’ve been slacking on the best of @Overheardohio. Me slacking on this is a big shock to all (one) of you huh? With that in mind (and since January only had 3—though they were pretty funny) I give you a top three for the months of November, December and January.

Honorable mention:

“my mom saw the text where I told my girlfriend I wanted to put pudding on her.”-high schooler @McDonalds

Now my picks for best.

3.  “It would be sweet to be jesus. Your parents could never get too mad at you. You’d be mom cut me some slack I’m going to be crucified”

2.   Older lady “you’re nuttier than a pet sandsquatch” guy: “a what?” Older lady “a pet sandsquatch…you know a Bigfoot”

And:

1.  “You know I’m straight & godly but if my husband’s secretary wanted to have sex I’d let her lesbian me up”–woman drinking a giant margarita

Have any favorites? If in Ohio make sure to follow @overheardohio and send in what you hear. If you don’t live here follow and enjoy.


the week that was in pictures

May 7, 2012

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1. what me creating poetry at work looks like.
2. Snicker-doodle yogurt from Menchies w/ Cap’n Crunch & Fruity Pebbles on top.
3. Me dressed for Bal Ingenieux to support Ingenuity Fest
4. The wifebot and I (with whiskey I brought in my flask) at Bal Ingenieux
5. Chilling with The Flash at Comics are Go on free comic book day.


the week that was through cellphone pictures

March 19, 2012

 

 

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1. Night passing the Earth to Day. (At Wade Lagoon)
2. St. Patrick’s Day tie. Appeared to blow the minds of coworkers (They aren’t very creative I guess.)
3. Incense holder filled with the remains of incense and matches.
4. My new Cleveland Clinic Fitness Center ID (Wifey thinks I look Mountain Manish.)
5. A Church on Euclid early morning.
6. Csonka sleeping on Mark Twain’s Autobiography 1910-2010.
7. Beef & Guinness stew (Our St. Patrick’s day dinner tradition.)
8. Guinness & Jameson at 7:00am @Parnellspub (My new St. Patrick’s day breakfast tradition?)

 

 

Now a few cool snaps from my camera:

 

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At Lake View Cemetery

 

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The perfect pour at Parnellspub


October’s best Overheard Ohio

November 4, 2011

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The best of Overheard Ohio for the month of October! There are plenty others so go check them out. Now in no particular order:

Guy A: “She’s kind of young.” Guy B: “Well she shouldn’t be so developed if she doesn’t want me staring at her.”

“That baby so dumb he kept calling the dog daddy. I wish the dog was its daddy.”–Black dude smoking outside a BP.

“If you don’t stop hitting me with your bag I’m going to take this shit I’m holding in on your feet.”–Guy in packed bus.

Drunk guy: “I wish there was a big hamburger in my vagina…in my stomach right now.” Friend: “Dude did you just say in your vagina?”

Girl 1: “I’d fuck a Pharaoh.” Girl 2: “Yeah but you fucked our high school janitor.”


the one where I’m a drunk Nancy Reagan

July 14, 2011

Let’s take a little trip back in time.

(Oh come on if you’re reading this you clearly don’t value your time.)

It won’t be a far trip (or particularly entertaining one—damn got to work on my selling technique) I promise. I won’t even use my usual “where we’re going we don’t need roads” Back to the Future joke.

(Ha sorta did so take that!)

AnyTauntingMyTwoReaders we’re going all the way back to Sunday. Close your eyes and picture what you were doing last Sunday night at about 10pm east coast time. Got it? Good, now forget it because this is about me and what I was doing. I was sitting pretty much where I am now. Where?

(nosy.)
(Oh I should be painting you a mental picture?)
(Fine.)

I was sitting at the table in what we call our library. My computer is open just like it is now and I had a glass of water. The window was open and I had a fan on the floor next to me. I was wearing a Miami Dolphins tee shirt and boxers. These boxers sort of have a malfunction where the little pee flap thingy is. The thing caught on the drawer (the same one that tried to bugger my bum.) and now the flap is a little bigger than needed. With this in mind I positioned the fan and my legs so that the air would blast right into there. Ah nice and cool man bits.

(See what happens when you want a picture painted?)

So there I was being all Fitzgeraldly and typing away:

Typey typey type type.

When I needed a break. So I went on google+ and there was nothing new posted in the last like 5 hours, so I headed over to the twitter. I happened to see a tweet from the lead singer of a band, posting a link to summer tour dates/album info. The band is Patent Pending. Now these guys were here couple months ago and are part of warped tour. I’ve not missed a Cleveland show of theirs in 5 years but warped tour doesn’t count. stream theier latest album here or check out The Magical World of Joe. We decided a long time ago (after attending one and being trampled by a migraine while there) that festival shows are a no go. The other reason is you know unemployed and all can’t just spend tons of money all the time.

So I was going to ignore the link because I knew when the album was due and figured they wouldn’t be here anytime soon. Eventually I was curious (thinking maybe near the end they’d return) and clicked.

Me: Holy yoda’s green little balls! Patent Pending has a concert tomorrow night!

(Probably didn’t say it that way but I wanted you thinking of yoda’s little green balls. You’re welcome.)

It was to be at Peabody’s which we hate but will go there to see Patent Pending any old day. It turned out it was in the tiny Pirate’s Cove (inside Peabody’s) which brought back mostly fond memories. They wifebot (when she was just the girlfriendbot) and her friends would go there for 80’s dance night. I’d attend (no dancing) and sit at the bar drinking and writing.

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So we show up and are pretty much the only (non people working there/playing) drinking at the show. The show was awesome and I consider Joe (lead singer) a friend by now. By the end of it I was carrying a nice buzz. We headed on home but had to stop at Walgreens for cat food. After telling all the workers in there they are awesome I grabbed the kitty chow and stopped at the cheap movie bin.

Training Day was calling my name. From there I walked toward the cold drink section. As I did this happened:

A lady woman storms passed. Her children like 6 steps behind.

Little girl: Mom…mommy you said you needed medicine the drug section is back there.

Mom: Shut up. (she goes on to inspect the soda pop section.)

Me (tapping little girl on the shoulder): Say no to drugs and you’ll be awesome!

(Thumbs up.)

Little girl: ….

Me: Awesome. (thumbs up)

I left her there to ponder my wisdom.

Next time I’ll go with this:

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donks, cops, creepy uncles and puking on books

July 1, 2011

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What’s this? Posting the best of Overheard Ohio for June on the first day of July? It’s a miracle! If you’re not following it on twitter, what the hell is the matter with you?

(You may be what we like to call “a bit touched” in the head. See a doctor about that.)

Without further insult (seriously I love you guys.) here are my favs in no particular order:

“Yeah she was hot but I think she was the one who took a crap by the bed.” –dude drinking @XYZtheTavern

“I told this white dude that SMH meant slicing my hand and those who say it are really depressed.”

“maybe I could become a doctor but you wouldn’t give me no dollar for the bus.” guy not wearing shoes to dude who wouldn’t give him change.

“My Uncle asked me to pick up some “supplies” when I went grocery shopping but his list was: Pepto-Bismol and condoms.”–Girl in parking lot

“Is this the bookstore that you puked on the books in the science fiction section that time you got wasted on @molsoncoors at like 3pm?”

Mom-“this is kind of a ghetto area” Son-“Well mom its not like we’re gonna get out of the car & have a fucking picnic”

“Not every cop is trying to fuck you in the ass guys.”–cop to some young guys.

“Son that is what we call a donk.”–Older guy to his son about a woman getting off the bus.


Pig man at the Summer Solstice Party

June 28, 2011

One of the first things I fell in love when I moved to Cleveland was the Art Museum. They have some great pieces, awesome lectures, and it’s free every single day. Here and here are a few posts on some of the lectures they’ve had. They also have probably my all time favorite “La Vie”.

Sometimes, when I didn’t have to be at work after school I’d get off the bus at University Circle and walk on over to the museum. I’d spend an hour or so in there and generally end up sitting in front of “La Vie.” I’d pull out my notebook and just write sitting there.

It had been a goal for a while to make it to their Summer Solstice Party. This is essentially a huge party in the museum. How awesome an idea is that? The set up is tiered. If you are (or know someone who is) Mr. Moneybags you can start the party at 6pm (Eventide) for the $175 ticket. This will get you in for the whole night and includes food and open bar. The ticket prices drop the later in the evening you show up. If you’re unemployed like me you can get 20 dollar tickets.

(15 for us cus we be members’ bitches!)

This gets you in at 10pm and includes a cash bar, which is fine because we had a pregame plan. What? Simple: Find a parking space and the drink absinthe out of plastic glasses before walking over to the event.

(Brilliant.)

Lindsay and Kat got all prettified and I wore my boring dress pants and shirt. Only Pig Man took over.

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Within two minutes I was followed and pulled aside by 2 girls. They were pretty drunk (or on the edge of it) and wanted to know why I was wearing the pig nose. The only thing was I hadn’t officially come up with the story yet.

(I wasn’t even calling myself pig man yet.)
(or talking in third person.)

Both of them pulled me off the escalator and each held an arm. They were really close to my face and played with pig man’s nose.

Girl1: I LOVEEE IT!
Girl2: Is there a reason you’re wearing it?
(Pig Man shrugs.)
Girl1: Is it a statement?
Girl2: Or just accessory.
Pig man: Just my nose so an accessory I guess.
Girl1: Oh mah gosh.
Girl2: Nooooo it has to mean something. Like performance art or something.
Girl2: Yeahhh.
Pig man: Like for Sugardale?
Girl2: YES, It has to be for SOME reason.
Girl1: I think it’s so cute.
(Pig man see’s his wife waiting/looking for him.)
Girl1: Byyeeeee
Girl2: Byeeeeee

For the rest of the evening pig man referred to himself in third person.

“Pig man’s so hot in here he’s gonna turn into bacon soon.”
“Pig man thanks you for your kind words.”
“Pig man appreciates you holding the door for him.”

At another point out in the huge dancing crowd a woman came up to pig man and stroked his snout.

Snout stroker: I love your nose!
Pig man: I’m sorry baby pig man’s already got a wife.

Later on pig man entered the bathroom. As he saddled up to the urinal another dude noticed him.

Bathroom talker: Oh man you’re the guy wearing the pig nose they were talking about!
Pig man: This is pig man’s real nose Pig Man ain’t wearing no nose.
Bathroom talker: Awesome man!

I didn’t bring the camera because I didn’t want us carrying it around all drunk and etc. We did hit up their photo booth.

(A photo booth! How awesome is that?)

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The whole night women (some drunk and some not) just had to touch my nose. Some grabbed it, some tapped it. So what did we learn? We have definitive proof that chick’s dig a guy in a pig nose.

Pig Man don’t mind one bit.


the one with hoochie mamas, strippers and paste

June 17, 2011

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The long awaited Top Overheard Ohio sent in May. Once again in no particular order but my favorite probably is:

“We decided to stop having sex till our wedding night to make it special but after 2 months I may pound her into paste.”–drunk guy at bar


“we’re friends and I like you, but not enough to buy you cocaine.”–Frat boy to roid ragey looking frat boy.

“The hot new secretary walked in as I was doing the ‘up my ass’ monologue from Pulp Fiction but all she heard was ‘up my ass’ & she ran out”

“Mom and tits don’t belong in the same sentence, unless it’s to say thanks for my new tits mom”- big haired chick in lobby @CleMarriottDwtn

“You remember the time we stopped in the middle of sex to go get some @Tacobell? From now on either smoke pot or drink Patrón but not both.”

“excuse me, does my daughter look like a hoochie mama? bc she is actually really intelligent” Lady in fitting room

“no we’re East Cleveland, but nobody likes us there so it’s the Heights for breakfast.” -East Cleveland police officer @ The Inn on Coventry

“Don’t hate on strippers with c section scars. Those are the ones with tight pussies.”


The one with the Cleveland Creep

June 13, 2011

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Finally I’m getting around to posting this. Way back on June 4th I had the privilege of being part of a Books for Bloggers event. It was held at Visible Voice Books in Tremont and allowed an intimate conversation between Cleveland bloggers and Cleveland mystery writer, Les Roberts.

When I received the email invitation I was excited. It allowed for me to bring a guest and I chose my lovely Wifebot, who of course could have attended as a local blogger herself.

A little bit of honesty time. When I first move to Cleveland way back in 2002 someone suggested I read one of the books in Les Robert’s Cleveland series. It went something like this:

Person: Hey yo you’re into writing and new to Cleveland. There is like this author who writes mysteries set in Cleveland.*

(*Nowhere near how it happened.)

I looked up the name and picked the first book in the series—Pepper Pike. I read it pretty fast and really liked it. I decided right than that I was going to get to know Milan Jacovich real well, but you know things come up. I hadn’t read another in the series since. I sort of forgot all about it until I received the email.

The event was to promote his new book, The Cleveland Creep and was sponsored by Roberts’ publisher Gray & Company.

Les met with us in Visible Voice Books’ quaint upstairs meeting room. I was happy to see the room because I’ve been considering it for a reading of one my plays.

(More on that later bitches!)

It was intimate and the author easily fell into a back and forth conversation. It wasn’t long before he was weaving story after story for us, and it felt like we were all old friends. He (obviously) can really tell a story. It was interesting to hear about how Cleveland grew on him and you could tell the love he had for the city.

The meet and greet was very lighthearted and filled with humor. He answered questions and signed the books.

(Free bitches!)

I was happy to meet @ADHicken who I’d enjoyed on the twitter.

(Wait that didn’t come out right.)
(T.W.S.S)
(Not her but you know the royal her–nevermind!)

And her blog Clue Into Cleveland is always a fun read. It was cool to meet her hubby @ScottHicken and @timzaun (who you’ll see more from down below.)

(That’s what she said!)
(Sorry.)

Roberts’ has lived in both Chicago and L.A. but fell in love with Cleveland and couldn’t leave. He’s lived here 21 years and tells how the city has influenced him and his writing. When asked about what needs to be done for the future growth of the city his first reaction was said with humor and care:

“Oh Boy”

After a chuckle he dove into what he felt needed to be done. I snagged this from TimZaun.com because it was a little more thorough than my notes. His site is a very good read. He snapped the picture above too (Hooray for lazy jimi!)

• We need to stop the brain drain of Cleveland’s upcoming talent-young residents or transplants, choosing to be educated here; and then leaving town for larger, more progressive cities.
• Government needs to make it easier for businesses to locate here with tax incentives, etc.
• Officials who embody the “What’s in it for me?” mentality need to be replaced with individuals committed to helping Cleveland thrive.
• We need more writers to promote Cleveland’s assets.

The Cleveland Creep is Roberts’ 25th book and more importantly 15th featuring Cleveland private eye Milan Jacovich. I will have a longer review up soon but I will say that it is an excellent read. Once you talk to him it is hard to hear his voice as you read. It was near me and I opened it up just to read the first few pages and was instantly hooked. The story is a fast and smooth read. The book is filled with some wonderful prose. Jacovich’s humor and love for Cleveland mirrors that of Roberts. There is a tinge of sadness to the pages as the Cleveland private eye deals with age and loss. This only adds to the gritty realism and edge the series has.

Les Roberts will return in 2012 with Whiskey Island. The story will revolve around a Cleveland city councilman—who is corrupt—sound familiar?


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