The one with the birthday

August 6, 2010

someecards.com - Happy birthday to a sports fan who may just be realizing he's now older than his favorite athletes

That’s right bitches it’s my birthday!

Go, go, go, go, go, go

“Yeah I can get into this.” *Head bob and awkward looking body movement.*

Go shawty, it’s your birthday

“Hey! Don’t call me shor—”

We gonna party like it’s your birthday
We gon’ sip Bacardi like it’s your birthday

“Oh see that’s better. Though rather it be Jack Daniels but you know whatever.” *Cough* Wuss *Cough*

You can find me in the club, bottle full of bub
Look mami, I got the X if you into takin’ drugs

“Uhm drugs? Plus did you just call me mami? You are strange.”

I’m into havin’ sex, I ain’t into makin’ love
So come gimme a hug, if you’re into gettin’ rubbed

“Woah big boy just stop right there with your pervert ideas. I don’t know who you think I am but I’m not into that stuff. Plus you know I really don’t like you calling me short. You spelled it wrong too.
Oh?
You think so? You wanna take it outside tough guy?”

And that’s the true story of how 50 Cent really got all shot up. Yeah I shot 50 cent.
Don’t mess with me I’m a Lawyer!
Sorry this isn’t the movie Hook, but really is my birthday.

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Phonin

May 29, 2009

Here is the second track from the E.T. CD. Yeah I like to avoid real writing.

Phonin’

[Chorus]
I got one big brown head, you don’t pick up I’m gonna be dead.
Baddies bang at the door, Reese’s pieces all ova the floor
This is just a speak and spell with a coffee can, tell me you have a secret plan.
Phonin’ Phonin’ Phonin’

My neck is all stretched out
And Elliot be looking like he got gout.
I learned all my words from Sesame Street.
Time running short, g men on my tail, your boy really be on the hot seat.
Gone are the good times back on Halloween.
I’m big time you know in the clutch I’ll make it out clean.
Give me my celly and drop me in the forest to roam
Excuse me Mr. Officer I just want to call home.

[Chorus]

I dropped the Hershey people a pot of gold.
June 82 I owned you, records knocked cold.
Hands down the best sci fi movie ever made.
May be an analogy for Jesus, don’t mean I can’t get paid.
So big I can have my own time zone, this alien be rich and it shows
Don’t act like my neck don’t bling, bitch even my heart glows!
In my left pocket an IPhone and in the right blackberry curve.
Beat back suckas with ease. Blink and you’ll miss my swerve.

[Chorus]

Worldwide you know I got that dough.
Get in my face and I swing steel like Imma golf pro.
How you gonna act like ET down cap?
Who you to think an alien can’t rap?
Bought my mom a planet with all the royalties.
Every time I come around got Henry Thomas tugging on my sleeves.
Tricked out tie fighters sit in my garage.
No more played out government vans for my entourage.

[Chorus]


Cus I’m an Alien

May 28, 2009

What is about to follow is the first single from E.T.’s debut self titled album. There is a detailed track listing to come. And yes I mean this guy:

et

Let’s start at the why: Because that’s how I roll. So my close friend Linzi has an irrational fear of E.T. so of course we exploit this whenever possible. We had a little stuffed doll and well one thing lead to another and he was rapping. Sometime along that car ride I decided I’d actually make his album. Without further adieu or fanfare I’m sure here it is.

Cus I’m an alien

Check that bassline out
Uh
Uh
UH
From travelling throughout the galaxies
To collecting sample among California trees.
Rollin’ on my own since I was a young pup
Mess with my Boy Elliot n you’ll get f’d up
Who be the only alien you know to knock back a brew?
You know I still be getting it on with Drew
(sigh)

Cus I’m an alien
UH
Cus I’m an alien
Uh
Cus I’m an alien

Made Spielberg the hottest thang since Star Wars
Popped on the scene and put Leia on all fours.
Just wanted to get it back with my peeps
But all those G men are creeps.
White suits putting me in plastic tents.
Play me? I’ll gat them and tell em get bentz

(Why?)

Cus I’m an alien
UH
Cus I’m an alien
Uh
Cus I’m an alien

All these imitators got to be joking
Red finger to the law cus you know I be smoking
Fools and scientist alike.
When you thought I was dying I said psyche.
I got my own theme park ride what you got?
Nothing you can’t feel me, like the sun I’m blazing hot.

Cus I’m an alien
UH
Cus I’m an alien
Uh
Cus I’m an alien


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