The one with hipsters

September 22, 2010

This is a review of the Best Coast show.
I promise. Sort of.

Well you’ve probably read me enough to know what the case is. This is a review of the Clovers/Male Bonding/Best Coast show that took place at the Grog Shop last night.

Technically.

I was there. I will review it but really this is a show that will be discussed in terms of the things (read conversations) I heard. There are no pictures except for poorly drawn ones that I probably won’t post. Actually I lie there is this:

Photobucket

The only picture I took last night. It is of Admiral Ackbar with Stiller #2. After the show sitting at the bar I pulled him out (and the Admiral Ackbar too—Heyooo!) and stood him on the bar. John K who enjoyed the sentiment made the “It’s a trap!” cup soon after.

I’m getting way ahead of myself.

Like that is the end of the night and I haven’t even discussed the beginning.

You know the sex that took place beforehand. I’m just kidding.

Or am I? No really I am

Or—I know I know shut up and get on with it before you all leave.

Hello?

Anylamejoke before the night could begin we had to move the car from where it was. As we walked over to it a lady in an overalls shorts combo thing stopped us.

Lady: I’m gonna keep it real. I just got out of the Cleveland Heights jail cell. I just want a few bucks so I can get a beer and a cigarette. I’m just keeping it real you know what I’m saying.

The wife gave her a buck. I think.

On our way to the Grog Shop this happened:
Girl 1: “Remember the time we stole that wheelchair?”
Girl 2: “Yeah that was when we were stalking Dennis Kucinich”

We met Pelvic Joann out front and before we could get an old black dude said “Hey how you doing?’

Old black dude: Can I sing something for you?
Me: I dunno can you? (I’m such a dick.)
Wife: No. (The whole time she never looked up from twitter on her phone.)

He proceeds to give a mumbled low (if not somewhat creative) rap about Halloween. We headed in and there were a few minutes before the first band (Clovers) was to take the stage. As the lovely ladies I was with ordered the drinks I listened to the crowd.

A digression: I never saw so many people holding PBRs before. It was like every other person had one. Also someone was drinking wine at the grog shop? Really?

Apparently I should have worn v neck whit tee’s and skinny jeans. This conversation actually took place.

Guy in trucker hat: Dude. What is this band again?
Hipster in skinny jeans: Best Coast.
Trucker hat: What kind of music?
Skinny jeans: Hipster rock/pop.
Trucker hat: What the fuck is hipster rock.
Skinny jeans: A normal rock or pop show but you know by hipsters.
Trucker hat: Why do I hang out with you?

Now normally I may have sympathized with the trucker hat dude except it was a Budweiser trucker hat and he kept lifting up his shirt (you know “nonchalantly”) when chicks passed. Oh and he tried this line on a chick who was trying to snap a pic of her friend and herself: “You’re too pretty for a picture like that. You need someone who can capture that beauty.”

Anylameguy Clovers had a long set for an opening act at the grog. They weren’t too bad either. They had some catchy stuff but nothing that stood out too much. Number one problem with them was never said one word to the audience—other than “thank you”—at the end.

The next band Male Bonding was billed as a punk band but really did not come off as all that punk. I kid you not skinny jeans also at one point called them “Hipster Punk.” I left his area then. They too were not bad but not really memorable either. They tried a little more stage presence but couldn’t muster much.

The crowd surged for Best Coast. They played their known stuff and mixed in other (not as good—too harsh?) pieces too. The show was fast paced and hustled along. This was also because of a lack of interaction and connection, other than an awkward bit about her cat that has seizures. Best Coast came off a little heavier than what I had heard. I dug that.

I had no real connection to the band (other than liking what I had heard prior) and chose to not fight the crowd and stayed back. I scribbled some poetry in my book while letting the music and words float to me.

A strange but cute (I love you wifey!) blonde chick in an odd dress asked if I wanted to dance. When I politely declined she offered me some water. I don’t get it either. The whole time this was happening on twitter:

@Clevelandpoet (me duh!): @grogbrit now if I’m at the @grog_shop shouldn’t you be? If only for the fact that I am.

And eventually her hilarious response:

@grogbrit: @kittenkaboom @clevelandpoet – god, how do i explain? spastic girl running around, blue sweater, jeans, little heels? write that on my grave about 14 hours ago via web

Now unbeknownst to me (I couldn’t get my twitter to work—that sounds bad) I was actually chilling right next to the lovely Brittany for most of Best Coast. After the show we got her replies and eventually asked John K to help find her.

Or the wifey scared John K by saying Grogbrit! Then grabbing him by the shoulders and saying it again. He was like “what happened!” and then when explained pointed her out.

I must say the highlight of the evening was finally meeting her. I say this not just because there were free drinks involved but because she was way awesome! There had been several attempts that always fell through. This time was a success and good times.

Hooray for twitter.

Wait what was the point of this post again? Who knows but check out @overheardohio to see the funny shit that is heard daily.

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The one with the birthday

August 6, 2010

someecards.com - Happy birthday to a sports fan who may just be realizing he's now older than his favorite athletes

That’s right bitches it’s my birthday!

Go, go, go, go, go, go

“Yeah I can get into this.” *Head bob and awkward looking body movement.*

Go shawty, it’s your birthday

“Hey! Don’t call me shor—”

We gonna party like it’s your birthday
We gon’ sip Bacardi like it’s your birthday

“Oh see that’s better. Though rather it be Jack Daniels but you know whatever.” *Cough* Wuss *Cough*

You can find me in the club, bottle full of bub
Look mami, I got the X if you into takin’ drugs

“Uhm drugs? Plus did you just call me mami? You are strange.”

I’m into havin’ sex, I ain’t into makin’ love
So come gimme a hug, if you’re into gettin’ rubbed

“Woah big boy just stop right there with your pervert ideas. I don’t know who you think I am but I’m not into that stuff. Plus you know I really don’t like you calling me short. You spelled it wrong too.
Oh?
You think so? You wanna take it outside tough guy?”

And that’s the true story of how 50 Cent really got all shot up. Yeah I shot 50 cent.
Don’t mess with me I’m a Lawyer!
Sorry this isn’t the movie Hook, but really is my birthday.

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Top Ten Commercial list

March 13, 2009

This post has been a long time in the writing phase or in other words it was left in my blog folder to rot but here it is. Commercials can be really good or really bad. I’m going to focus on the good right now (spoiler alert worst commercial blog coming up soon.) Now these are the best commercials no debating needed (I mean in my opinion of course) that are from between 2006 and last year. Totally separate from the likes of the McDonald’s Filet o’ Fish ad of 2009 that would blow away the competition.

10. Brooke Shields Routan boom.

There’s an epidemic spreading and its hilarity. This commercial wrapped in the guise of a PSA was just the beginning. It was on the bubble but when I read so many nuts being angered by it, I just knew it had to crack my top ten.

9. Espn Monday Night Football Mc Hammer.

ESPN may do many bad things (read force feed us Chris Berman) but they hit the mark with a few of the MNF commercials. How can you go wrong with MC Hammer? It needs to be on here for the “Hammer don’t hurt him” line. Oh and Hammer just so you know it wasn’t my beeper that kept on beeping and beeping.

8. Jack Links Beef Jerky Messing with Sasquatch

One thing is for sure the creators weren’t messing around when they came up with this little gem. The whole set of “messing with sasquatch” ads are great. I went with the old shaving cream on the hand gag one because of its educational value. It can help sure that future generations know a classic way to get their sleep deprived friends. Just make sure if you do that they can’t clothesline you into next week.

7. Warren Wallace “into the wall” GEICO

Now I’m not a fan of racing but this commercial transcends it. This commerical came to win. The kid in it plays the lines beautifully. Well written and at least the gecko isn’t in them. “When it comes to Mike Wallace the story ends with me putting him into the wall.”

6. Mr. T World of Warcraft

Much like with MC Hammer one can never go wrong with putting Mr. T in a commercial. If this was a top ten of video game commercials list this one would beat down the competition. You never know Mr. T “may be pretty handy when it comes to computers.” I do know that I pity the fool who doesn’t think this commercial is funny.

5. Bruce Campbell “hungry like a wolf” Old spice

Bruce Campbell. Nothing more needs to be said.

4. Sony HD tv “I don’t like sports”

 It gets points from the get go for use of person in animal costume. The San Diego Chicken and Peyton Manning in one commercial is almost too much to handle. Their bit may end with “Chicken No!” but I’m say commercial yes!

3. N.P.H old spice commercial Neil Patrick Harris. What more can you ask for? This commercial is perscription strength awesome!

2. Berries and cream

Ah starburst makes an appearance. Their commercials are as off the wall as anyones. This is just plain awesome. You want a laugh or just odd looks break out with “I’m a little lad who loves berries and cream”. Brilliant I tell you! “Pardon me what kind of starburst did you just say? Ber…berries and what else?” I wasn’t a fan of the berries and cream starburst but I’m a little lad that loves berries and cream commercial!

1. Skittles singing rabbit

This just may be the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. It has it all. Culture (the opera singing) use of animals, emotion (the pain of losing his skittles) tension (will he get them back?) and even action (running in the rain). Hell even a bit o violence (the rabbit really gets him good).Skittles probably need to be crowned Kings of the commercial world. Now this one in particular gets special treatment for the sentimental value it has (we imitated the bunny all throughout or VACA in Chicago.) It wins mostly because there is a singing rabbit and there will never be a time I won’t laugh when seeing it. Plus the bunny bites him at the end!


Messy Magazine Issue #3 theme

February 12, 2009

ISSUE #3 THEME!!

Hello messy magazine fans.
It’s time for your next challenge!

There are always situations that arise after the cloud of pretty words blows away and you realize that you are left standing exposed out in the light.

How did you not see it before?

Were your eyes really that heavy with sleep?

Did you choose not to see the inevitable or were you too content or misguided to even care?

Why didn’t anyone in your family TELL you that you were tone deaf BEFORE you tried out for American Idol and saved you humiliation in front of millions? Now you’ll NEVER get a recording contract… or a date.

Maybe we never lose that last shred of innocence that makes us happily believe all that we are told when we really, really want to hear it.

We could just be sadists and enjoy living that lie, you know, so Issue 3’s long awaited theme is…The Happiest Lie

When your ex said they would love you forever…but forever was instead measured in months, not eons.

How everyone said when you turned 18 you were an adult, yet you still had to take the garbage out for your dad.

How the back of those diet pills said your ass would melt away (just checked, it’s still there).

Maybe it was a moment when you felt caught up and moved, only to realize that wasn’t where you were supposed to be at all and you grabbed the wrong pair of pants in the process (hello awkward).

Perhaps all of the above examples are not necessarily bad things…Instead they could be masked motivation for you to see through the façade…Maybe we like being lied to.

We like fibs, tale tales, fables, and fabrication. Hell, maybe we thrive on it and need it to exist. Besides, if there were no happy lies, we’d all be a bunch of heavy, rude, cynical assholes…and who needs more of those? The world already has plenty.

We look forward to receiving your submissions for Issue 3. (We’re not lying). For more information on submission types, a quick refresher can be found on our website.
Go to messymagazine. org and click on ‘submit’ for details!

Submissions for Issue 3, The Happiest Lie, are due Thursday, February 26, 2009 by MIDNIGHT.

Please send work to info@messymagazine.org or submit online at messymagazine. org.

Issue 3 will arrive in your inbox March 15, 2009.

As always, if you have any questions, please contact us.

DON’T FORGET: Be on the lookout for the messy magazine SPECIAL FILM ISSUE on February 27, 2009. We are a proud media sponsor of the 33rd Annual Cleveland International Film Festival March 19-29th at Tower City Cinemas.
Check back at messymagazine. org for film fest ticket giveaways, blogs and more!

Many congrats again to Issue 2’s contest winners…..Stephanie Stonemetz was the winner of the C.L.E. Clothing t-shirt! Be sure to add C.L.E.
Clothing on Facebook and Myspace! You can also shop at their website: http://www. cleclothing. bigcartel. com.

And congrats to Louis DiLullo the winner of The Bubble Process Prize Pack! This prize pack includes a hand printed Girl Talk poster and other Bubble Process goodies.
Check The Bubble Process out at http://thebubbleprocess. com and myspace. com/thebubbleprocess for cool posters and other fun merchandise!

Confetti in the air for all!

A few extra notes….please be sure to title your work if it is not Untitled, it helps us ensure that proper credit is given to the creator.

And if you haven’t signed up for our mailing list PLEASE do so at messymagazine. org.
And tell your friends! Thanks and hope you get extra messy with this one.

Lauren. Vanessa. Genna. Michael.

Find us on Facebook and MySpace!

Remember you do not need to live in Cleveland in order to submit. messy magazine and its founders call Cleveland home and enjoy the city, but that does not mean that you, out-of-towner, will have your work excluded. messy magazine is open to all.


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