Conversations with Jimi: Volume 20

April 21, 2014

I say things.

Many things.

A lot.

So here are a few of the betters ones recently.


coworker annoyed (thinks they’re snobby) with a group of visitors.

coworker: is it true what they say about the French?
me: the kissing thing? yeah.
coworker: what are you talking about?



As we start the work day.

me: instead of going to my assigned gallery I’m just going to stand in the atrium and read poetry
manager: like to yourself?
me: no at visitors.
manager: to visitors?
me: no AT them.


And a special one to show why you too wish you were married to me.

Me: (in bed awoken from sleep.) What are you doing?
Wifebot: uhm…getting in bed.
Me: you’re like ruining the balance of the world right now.

the one with resolutions

January 2, 2013

This is the time of year when we are legally obligated to write a resolution post. Right? Here is mine sort of.


2013’s Mother Clucking  goals!

Convince more people I have a twin at work.
So far it’s been 4 (2 in ’11 and 2 in ’12.) I thought I had posted about this at least once but I can’t find any posts. Visitors have seen me in one gallery and then another. When they bring it up I attempt to convince them I have a twin that also works there.

Get drunk and watch She-Ra: Princess of Power or He-Man on mute, adding commentary and voices.
This happened on New Year’s Eve with some friends. The term “exclusively anal” was used a lot.

Attend/read at more readings.
What the hell, how did this serious one get in here?

More naked yoga.
I really just wanted to force that visual on you. You are welcome.

Smoke cigars and say “I love it when a plan comes together” EVERY time.
A-Team bitches!

Get drunk on absinthe and make YouTube videos of me reading Poe.
Sounds like fun, no?

Compile list of poo named after movies list.

Write a play with a bear in it!
Really would be a guy in a bears’ jersey or a cubs’ hat. Etc.

Get 100 rejections.
Lol the more rejections means the more I’m submitting. So, really: SUBMIT more.

Finish the wrestling themed/inspired book of poetry.
Follow at Love is a Donkey

Finish a chapbook of Lego men coming alive and overthrowing humans poetry.
Lego men coming for us all!

Watch more bad movies.
Follow that shiz at

Buy a Dex-Starr action figure.
Dex-Starr is a Red Lantern and a cat!



Happy Fricking New Year everyone!


pictures from last week

April 30, 2012





1. A blurry Señor Mango.
2. My celebratory cigar (A tasty Dominican.) This poem was what I was celebrating.
3. The wifey sharing the cigar. It went out while she did.
4. The wifebot and I at the Patent Pending show at Peabody’s.

Bonus: Video of Patent Pending rocking faces off with “Shake weights and moving crate”  in Cleveland

Me billy and willy

May 21, 2010

I bet you didn’t know me and Billy Corgan are total BFF’s. Yep it’s true.


We use to just you know sit around and talk for hours and hours. This picture was snapped when he was going through his “Wouldn’t it be cool if in every picture I took I was eating something” phase. This was way before Brad Pitt did it in “Ocean’s Eleven” cause you know Corgy and I are trend setters.

So yeah we were pretty much inseparable for a while. One of the main things we had in common was we both loved William Butler Yeats. Heck my good ole pal told me that Yeats was one of the most inspirational poets on his writing.

Of poetry.

I asked him that question. You know one day while eating some nachos in the park.
Or ok maybe it was when I was getting this:


So yes I was at his book singing for his much heralded (ok it wasn’t heralded) book of poetry: Blinking with Fists. Yeah I bought the book and went to his book signing (by myself like a grown up) years and years ago. As he signed it I asked him “who was one poet that was most inspirational to his poetry?” And he answered Yeats. Notice the Yeats clearly written on the bottom?

What does this have to do with anything? Insert one of my I don’t remember type jokes here. Actually it has to do with a trip to the theatre the wifey, Pelvic Joann and I made last week. The play we went to see was Open Mind Firmament: An Evening of W. B. Yeats at Cleveland Public Theatre.
Yeats can be considered a Symbolist poet and he used allusive imagery and symbolic structures throughout his career. He chose words and assembled them so that in addition to a particular meaning they suggest other abstract thoughts that may seem more significant and resonant. I mean he after all is a freaking poet after all. His symbols are rather physical. They are words that are full and heavy. What I like about him is his ideas on theatre. Yeats’s dramatic art focused on the highly poetical, static, and esoteric style. His later plays were written for small audiences; and truly experiment with masks, dance, and music, and were profoundly influenced by the Japanese Noh plays.

I love his poetry and enjoy his plays, which are generally considered to be unproducable. They are often cited as too “poetic” for audiences. I really don’t understand how that can be. I hope to some day to produce them in some fashion at our theatre. Now on to the show we saw.

Cleveland Public Theatre’s produced a mix excerpts of the plays and Yeats’ muscular poetry, the subtle gestures of the Japanese Noh theater that fascinated Yeats, and the lectures and written works of scholar Dr. Barton R. Friedman, Professor Emeritus at Cleveland State University.

What results is a chaotic burst of words and movements. Accentuated by the lighting–lighted in stark lights and darks by designer Trad A Burns . The poetry and stories are heightened by ladders, shrouded in sheer scarves—the cast and play is a dreamlike melange of playfully sensuous memories.

The story arc emerges mysteriously from several directions and mediums and eventually builds itself into a soft meditation on the nature of the writer as hero of his own work. Yeats becomes the author of his own life and anticipator of his own death.

This is a cast show. Though some individuals have more lines, the entire cast works as a unit. They are all an integral part of the complex movements and sounds. Bobgan has molded them into a cohesive and organic piece. He takes a complex story and makes it a visual cacophony of sounds, movements and sights. Ladders magically stand without support, and are used to weave actors and ideas through a flow of precarious movements. Water flies freely to anoint. Chants set moods. Every part of the theatre, which has been transformed into a series of platforms, levels and ramps, is used. The actors sing and emote above the audience’s heads, besides them, and even verbally confronted the attendees. The story is told by a scholar (maybe Friedman, himself), the poet (Yeats) speaks, and Cuchulain’s (The hero of Yeat’s Plays) life (and that of Yeats) is acted out.

The play hurtles you in and out of the Poets life and the life of his hero (bits of his plays) relying heavily on movement. For some this is the type of play theatre haters (or theatre virgins) joke about. You see it in movies and televisions shows. A man is unwillingly brought to a play and suffers through an hour of dance and strange movement. Open Mindweaves a story into the movement and song which does a nice job of holding your focus. If you know little or nothing about Yeats or his work, just let the production overtake you and your senses. It can if you let it and afterward you can Google him (huzzah Google) or pick up one of the informative limited-edition programs Cleveland Public Theatre has made available in the lobby. Then go to the library and get some of Yeats actual work. Don’t know what to pick just listen to the cast at the end as they whisper some recommendations before running off


Me, Billy, Yeats and Robert Smith just hanging out one day.
ah good times. Good times

Hot Dogs can make you a better person too

April 19, 2010

Last week the misses and I went out. I know this isn’t exactly the biggest of news. I mean it happens now and then, but this was also a part of the betterment of jimi experiment. In fact the night’s festivities sort of included a 2 for 1 in that department.

Experiment: Putting myself out there when it comes to playwrighting/trying new things.
Event: Cleveland Public Theatre’s Dark Room

I’ve semi talked about this before. The Dark Room is an open mic of sorts for Playwrights. [From CPT’s website] It is put together by CPT and The Cleveland Theatre Collective and affords emerging and veteran playwrights the space and resources to develop new works. It offers a venue to workshop plays, novels, poems, or any other written work in a supportive, yet critical environment.[End]

This is a nice way to get to know fellow writers and actors. The readings are a good networking event and an easy way to get to hear your work. Ideas and suggestions can be batted around but hearing actors read the words you write is invaluable.

There is an opening period for the open mic and then there is a featured reading. You can submit a longer piece to them to be the featured reading.

There is free Magic Hat beer too!

Drinking, talking writing, workshopping and networking all rolled into one. So last Tuesday we hit this up for the first time. Now for this one it wasn’t held in the place it usually is. This time it was held in a smaller space and ironically it had a very large crowd. There were some new (to us) people there and some very familiar faces. The wife got to see Actors she’s worked with before and of course people she knew from interning there. There were a few writers I knew and that is always cool. A sort of comforting knowledge, ya know?

There was a long list of readings for the open mic portion. I did not bring anything this first time. I know I know. Shut up. The wife was okay with me not bringing anything which means you can be too. Next time will be fine. This was a feeling out visit really. Kat read for someone’s piece and it was an interesting one.
I got to see her do an impression of a frog person. I’m going to try and get her to let me video her doing it. Hit her up on twitter and tell her to do it (@kittenkaboom)! The other highlight was when the reading called for her to be pulled offstage screaming and she did scream. Now she is the scream queen (yeah she won that contest) and can uncork some good ones. This one I’m sure she did at much less than full volume but it still stunned the dude dragging her froggy butt off. It was priceless.

Result: A success. There were people there eager to have me bring stuff and I enjoyed the process. It really seems like a great thing to be a part of. Next month I will be bringing some work along.

Experiment # 2 of the night: Trying different foods.

So from the dark room we walked over to meet the awesome @sweetsweetjulie at the Happy Dog. The Happy Dog is a pretty sweet bar where you can enjoy a brew or a band or both! Now you can enjoy some good grub there too. We headed over there for some of the grub, and I decided I would get something decidedly different than I normally would.

The fair: A hot dog. Settle down. I said settle down! I know what you are thinking “A hot dog that doesn’t sound unjimi at all!” and you’d be right. I love me some wieners!

That’s what she said!

Anyhotdog this is different. At the Happy Dog you start with a quarter pound all beef hotdog and then have an assortment of things to top it with. Like what you ask?

• house made ketchup
• chipotle ketchup
• traditional yellow mustard
• dijon mustard
• whole grain mustard
• black truffle honey mustard
• momocho’s habanero hot sauce
• kansas city style bbq sauce
• saffron aioli
• creole remoulade
• sriracha hot chile sauce
• killer steak sauce
• garlic & tomato jam
• hot pepper relish
• brazilian chimichurri
• thai chile & garlic sauce
• marcella’s grape jelly and chile sauce
• chipotle hollandaise
• oaxacan red chile & chocolate mole
• chunky peanut butter
• fruit loops
• warm pineapple-ginger-currant chutney
• sliced tomatoes
• spanish onions
• caramelized onions
• dill pickle spear
• cucumbers
• vodka sauerkraut
• “alien” pickle relish
• bourbon baked beans*
• tomatillo salsa verde
• hot bananna pepper rings
• habanero pickled red onions
• marinated portobello mushroom
• korean kim chee
• potato chips
• bacon spiked southern greens*
• baby bok choy coca cola stir fry
• garlicky escarole
• french brie cheese
• nacho cheese
• smoked gouda cheese
• cheddar cheese
• american cheese whiz
• caribbean coleslaw (spicy)
• bleu cheese coleslaw
• chorizo chili*
• garbanzo bean chili
• fried egg
• applewood smoked bacon*
• * contain pork

So take that! Now I looked at this list and tried to come up with something I normally wouldn’t have. My first dog (and after it and all the tater tots my only one): vodka sauerkraut, killer steak sauce and garlic & tomato jam.

Results: Found a new place to grub. It was delicious. Very delicious!

If you be in the Lakewood area hit this joint up. Cheap and tasty bitches! Next time I go I will try even more but the first one I get will be what I’m dubbing the Ninja Turtle Dog: That’s right despite Kat’s telling me I cannot I will be getting my dog with fruit loops.

Cowabunga dudes!

I feel Rambo’s pain

April 16, 2010

Going out of my way to do (social) things and take advantage of opportunities on my own experiment #2

Event: Paul Muldoon Poetry reading.
Where: John Carroll University
When: 7:30pm

Obstacle: You may or may not know this but I’ve got like 5 (1 being my wife) actual friends. So the problem went like this. 1 of them never heard of Paul Muldoon and was busy. The one who knew who Paul Muldoon was couldn’t make it. The wife had class and well the other two—I wouldn’t even ask because they’d just laugh and laugh like stoned hyenas. cute little friends* So I had to go it alone.

To save time I had the wife drop me off down at the campus. What? It made things easier—I’d have to take 2 buses to get down there and I’d rather not. So she dropped me off but it was of course about 2 hours early. So I sat outside the University in the sun to read. It was nice out and there was sort of a breeze. I pulled out first a book of his poetry and then after the first person interrupted me to talk boring shit I switched to On the Road.

It was weird. There were way too many children there for whatever reason. Also dogs—one of which was being carried in a girls book bag. So as I sit there a dude comes up on his phone and this happens:

Dude: Hey is your name Steve?
Me: Yeah.
Dude (to phone): Hold on a sec. (to Steve): Yeah? We had Mr. So and so (not actual professor name) in such and such class (don’t remember that either)?
Steve: Totally.
Dude: You remember his hair? Big and like—
Steve: It was crazy.
Dude: Well I gotta run but see you around…
Steve: (goes back to reading)

That interaction was sort of fun but I guess it was wrong too, because it opened the flood gates. I guess that was karma? I dunno. The thing was from that point on little kids would talk to me for no reason and other people would too. I kept getting weird looks like nobody ever sat outside and read. So when I heard the statement “good choice in reading” I was ready to be not again! I somehow didn’t register the Irish accent until I looked up to see Paul Muldoon. Yeah! I got to talk to one of my favorite poets about the beat poets and etc for a few minutes! Double yeah.

Anypoet I tired of sitting because that’s really all I do these days. I decided to take a little walk, accept I really just sort of wandered around in front of the business down the block. I was writing some notes on some poems I was working as I did. When I passed a bunch of these older couples they all sorta stared at me and seemed bothered by me. I took up residence near a no loitering sign because of this. After a few more minutes of reading and some looks one of the people went into the business establishment. About a minute after the customer came back (not that I know they asked the guy to but it was a neat coincidence) to the table an older dude wearing an apron came out and:

Guy in apron: “Time to move on?”
Me: What?
Apron fucker: Did you need anything? I saw you walking back and forth?
Me: I’m just waiting for something to start at the school.
Apron Fucker: Oh well if you need some help or something.

What the hell did I walk into Rambo remake (albeit a lame whimpy one where he is a poet) or something? I was waiting for Brian Dennehy to offer to give me a ride outta town. I must say I was pretty menacing with my Star Wars messenger bag and my tye dye Lake Eerie Monsters tee. Then hilariously as I walked back toward the campus I’m pretty sure a student driving off yelled “hippie” at me.

Anystallone I get back in and find it starts at 7:30 and not 7pm. Oh well. I read and listen to people talk until I see my arch nemesis former professor. I did well to overcome this obstacle and avoid her for the entirety of the reading.

Was that the last obstacle of the night? No. The next one was sitting through the young guy making sure the lights and mic worked. He felt the need to discuss everything from dreams to poetry to comedy. He thought he was funny (and I suspect desperately hoped he was) but he was not. He offered to speak in an Irish accent (Muldoon is Irish) and then proceeded to use the worst one almost ever. Then he went into an old Billy Crystal sketch. I still don’t know why. He was painful to watch. I bet he drinks his breakfast and will soon eat the barrel of a shotgun.

Damn that was harsh.

Finally the poet was in front of the room. He graciously read for about 50 minutes and was wonderful. Hearing the motivation behind the poems was great. After the reading he hung around and signed books and just chatted with you. I got to talk to him for about 10 minutes. It was pretty awesome.

The verdict: A major success. I mean sure it got a little odd there and I had some weirdo yell at me on the bus for telling him I didn’t go to John Carroll. He was all “whhhhhaaaaaat whaddaya mean. The nerve of some people!” but I suppose that was fun too.

*Stems from an incident in which I tried to share a poem that meant a lot to me (and really hit home) from one of my favorite poets. Paul Muldoon. The only problem was that the two silly laughing twins wouldn’t let me get past Paul Muldoon, without laughing. I of course made the mistake of continuing to try and read the poem and of course they found this funnier and funnier. It wasn’t helped by the fact that they thought his name was Robert and I tried to tell them they were wrong but they wouldn’t believe me. Now when they remember I have to sit through calls or tweets of Roberrrrrrrt.

I’m sexy on myspace

September 30, 2009

Whilst taking a break from having the Devil explain the importance of the balance between good and evil to another character in my play I decided to read some blogs. That is when I came across the awesome shine’s newest post. It is about an email from what has to be the dreamiest catch of a guy ever. It is quite funny. Much funnier than this one will be but nonetheless inspired me to post this one. Partly because this is kind of funny in that creepy why me way and also because the post I was working on his a serious/sad one and I’m not in the mood for it.

So a couple weeks ago I get this message on Myspace (Yeah some are still on there!) from a dude. Apparently my married/straight profile was not enough to detract from the awesomeness I ooze and the sexiness of my beard and poetry. Enjoy:

how are you?im a 32 year old bi curious guy from kent,i like your profile. Are you bi curious too? i see youre married are guys okay then? i hope so. i’m new to here for school are you near here? Can we meet up for some fun or drinks? i like poetry and read it all the time. Words are cool man, good with words here too. bro good with other things too. interested yet? i liked your profile write me sometime if you get bored

And then in a follow up mail a week later he acts as if I’ve responded somehow:

hey man wats going on im not on here much but u can hit me up at 330 690 ****

It is a pretty convincing attempt and I may have to leave my wife for him. I’ve not totally dismissed the idea of pranking him somehow but that would probably make me a total jerk so this will probably be the extent of what I do.

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