the one with resolutions

January 2, 2013

This is the time of year when we are legally obligated to write a resolution post. Right? Here is mine sort of.


2013’s Mother Clucking  goals!

Convince more people I have a twin at work.
So far it’s been 4 (2 in ’11 and 2 in ’12.) I thought I had posted about this at least once but I can’t find any posts. Visitors have seen me in one gallery and then another. When they bring it up I attempt to convince them I have a twin that also works there.

Get drunk and watch She-Ra: Princess of Power or He-Man on mute, adding commentary and voices.
This happened on New Year’s Eve with some friends. The term “exclusively anal” was used a lot.

Attend/read at more readings.
What the hell, how did this serious one get in here?

More naked yoga.
I really just wanted to force that visual on you. You are welcome.

Smoke cigars and say “I love it when a plan comes together” EVERY time.
A-Team bitches!

Get drunk on absinthe and make YouTube videos of me reading Poe.
Sounds like fun, no?

Compile list of poo named after movies list.

Write a play with a bear in it!
Really would be a guy in a bears’ jersey or a cubs’ hat. Etc.

Get 100 rejections.
Lol the more rejections means the more I’m submitting. So, really: SUBMIT more.

Finish the wrestling themed/inspired book of poetry.
Follow at Love is a Donkey

Finish a chapbook of Lego men coming alive and overthrowing humans poetry.
Lego men coming for us all!

Watch more bad movies.
Follow that shiz at

Buy a Dex-Starr action figure.
Dex-Starr is a Red Lantern and a cat!



Happy Fricking New Year everyone!


the one where my cats suck at picking Oscar winners

February 27, 2012

And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for.

(or at least you there in the back have.)
(okay nobody at all.)

It’s time for the cat vs cast vs wife pickem league. The CCWPL if you will. The first match started with the Super Bowl. You can see about that here.

Csonka raced out to the lead picking The Giants. Next up was going to be the NBA All-Star game but then I decided to have them pick the Oscars too. It was a pain in the ass to get them to make that many picks. Halfway through they’d lose interest in the scraps of paper.

(If you have a phobia related to poorly done paint drawings skip over this.)


The Oscar picks:


Cinematography: Tree of Life
Supporting Actor: Branagh
Adapted Screenplay: Moneyball
Original Screenplay: The Artist
Supporting Actress: Chastain
Lead Actress: Streep
Lead Actor: Bichir.
Director: The Artist
Picture: War Horse


Cinematography: The Artist
Supporting Actor: Branagh
Adapted Screenplay: Ides of March
Original Screenplay: Midnight in Paris
Supporting Actress: Bejo
Lead Actress: Close
Lead Actor: Oldman
Director: Tree of Life
Picture: Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

The Wifey:

Cinematography: War Horse
Supporting Actor: Branagh
Adapted Screenplay: The Descendants
Original Screenplay: Midnight in Paris
Supporting Actress: Spencer
Lead Actress: Close
Lead Actor: Dujardin
Director: The Artist
Picture: The Artist

Csonka: 1-9
Rasputin: 3-7
Wifey: 7-3

(The clear winner is the wifey. I’m sure the cats will retaliate by throwing up on her clothes.)

And now the NBA All-Star game picks. Watching the cats bat at scraps of papers was probably more entertaining than NBA All-Star weekend.

Rasputin and The wifey picked the west. Csonka hates LeBron for passing up a shot (picked the East)

Updated CCWPL standings:

Csonka: 1-2
Rasputin: 1-2
Wifey: 2-1

Things I learned from last week

February 20, 2012

It’s easier to convince people that I have a twin at the museum than you’d think. That story will be posted in a “conversations with jimi” later.

Volunteering (at work) always gets me punished. I get assigned the worst posts. I really hate checkroom. Most of my coworkers like it though.

If I start poems at work it means nothing if I don’t work on it when I get home. Lately I’ll start working on one and a manager will come in or a bunch of patrons.

I really want to produce my plays. This really explains itself. The wife and I’ve been talking about producing them again.

Scallions are my new arch nemesis. No matter where I order if I ask to have the scallions off they’ll still be on the food.

When I finally use my calendar in my phone it helps if I put the right movie time.

Chris Cornell’s voice is awesome. I knew this but his “I will always love you” cover helped me remember.

Being at a bus stop without headphones means you get to hear a ton of interesting things. I should stop and listen sometimes. It helps with creating characters. At the very least @Overheardohio would benefit.

Being in a room filled with Rembrandts is sort of stressful. I was a little on edge the whole time. It took me a while to get into a groove and feel like I was able to do a good job of making sure nothing happened.

Side note: In Cleveland? Make sure to check out the Rembrandt in America show. It is pretty sweet.

Melt bar and grilled is one of the best ways to cap off a weekend. This time around I had the TMNT Cowabunga Pizza Roll Melt: Cheese pizza rolls deep fried, rich homemade marinara, green ooze basil pesto cream chesse, Provolone and Romano cheese

Awesome cheesy movies with the three shillelaghs (Lindsay and kat) is always a great idea. This week it was Flash Gordon and The House by the Cemetery. They were at the Capitol Theatre and Cleveland Cinematheque

For your enjoyment:

And Lucio Fulci’s The House by the Cemetery:

The one where I should cut n paste

August 23, 2010

Before I fully get started a bit of business. I want you to head on over to the B Movie Brigade to check out the latest Monday’s Maniac by yours truly. Follow the brigade on twitter @bmoviebrigade!

With that done shall we recap one another?

Don’t worry I’ve been tested.

Well Friday you can read about it in this post from Saturday. It’s quite a fun post.

(I can’t actually back that statement up)

Saturday like most of the previous ones included a whole lot of sitting down and doing nothing. The wifey dropped the car off to have it checked out for the 3 shillelaghs big roadie to Key West. This caused some great concern and some anxious moments. News came back of what needed to be taken care of and now we wait to see how much it is.

Ah waiting is so fun isn’t it?

Anyhatewaiting I watched some nice soccer yet again. I really should just start cutting and pasting these things.

Can you say phone it in!

After the EPL match I managed to get some writing in. The MIL (I need to give her a nickname because MIL makes me want to type MILF and well I won’t be going there) wanted to take me to dinner as a late b-day dinner. We headed over to the Aladdin’s for some grub. Sticking to (and getting back on track with) the diet I had a Shish Kabob salad. I ordered it with the Tahini Yogurt Dressing (like always) but with a side of the Zesty Sweet Tomato one too. I had been interested in trying that one and felt it was time to pull a “do it already jimi!” It was a delish meal. Here is a pic snapped before devouring it:


Looked exactly like that except more like an actual salad and less like a man with veggies on. Plus you know like not at all. That is from ATHF by the way. If you don’t like that show I will break up with you.

Like seriously.

We had a nice long talk with ILM (In law mother) which was cool because it’d been a while since we had one. Plus you know I don’t turn down free stuff.

Afterwards we (wifey and I) went back home and I planted myself in front of the tube to watch the Browns pre season game. Watching lead to this exchange:

Disclaimer: I don’t normally yell at pre season games.
Me: Oh come on jeez!
Wife (from other room): What?
Me: Sports.
(She made me institute a rule of saying sports after yelling at the TV so she knows nothing “real” is wrong.)
Wife: See this is why I hate you watching football.
Me: Why?
Wife: You yell so much.
Me: I yell at soccer.
Wife: No you don’t

*That didn’t actually happen. Don’t send me anymore emails about my wife leaving me angry email sender it hurts my feelings**

**It doesn’t actually.

We then headed over to the Capitol theatre to see “This is Spinal Tap.” Oh man there is nothing better than seeing a movie you love on the big screen and for 5 bucks. That was at midnight. When we got home and settled down it was about 3 am and we hit the hay.

Sunday started off as one big fail. First I woke up about 10am to a wicked headache. Then the cable remote wasn’t working. Once I got that taken care of the TV wouldn’t work right. Finally I got all 3 to obey me.

Soccer time yeah!

Then a trip to Aldi’s which was only worth mentioning because of the young kid there. He was walking around pointing this like lollipop necklace thing at people going:

“laser. Laser.”

I do believe he was shooting people (including the wife and I) with it.

Awesome and funny.

Of course Sunday was time for the finally Marx Bros movie being played at the Cleveland Cinematheque. Good time as always. Watch em bishes (and you thought you’d get away without me using that!) cause they’re great.

Once home we settled in together to be romantical. Syfy was showing Predator 2 and we snuggled up. Okay actually she was cleaning up around the living room but we snuggled up in spirit and soul. Interesting note: It stars Maria Conchita Alonso who we saw in The Vagina Monologues.

She found a card from me that had this in it: ‘I wouldn’t change what we have for all the tiny magical gnomes I could fit into a suitcase.”

I dropped some poetical shit on you bishes (haha 2 now!) with that line there.

Hope you had a good weekend and feel like telling me about it. DO IT!

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Is this recap on?

August 16, 2010

And here we go. We need to rush right into the weekend recap because there was so much going on.

Wait I mostly sat on my couch all weekend?

Okay then. Those days can be good too. You know just sitting on the couch with your sweetie relaxing.

Oh it was mostly sitting on the couch with my laptop by myself? Well okay then.

Look can we just get through this recap without you asking so many questions? I mean rude. Give me a chance without all these accusations you keep throwing at me. I don’t need this type of abuse!

Anynotfunnyjoke the weekend was a strange mixture of doing things and sitting around. Friday night we had tickets to the Beck Center for the Arts production of ‘The Producers’. There will probably be a bigger post with my thoughts on the show tomorrow (no promises!) It was a fun time though. From there we made our way over to Parnell’s Pub to help the two soon to be newlyweds celebrate but since that plays is like 3 hours long we of course missed them. It was still a good time as always and we celebrated (read drank) with them in spirit. The wifey had 2 Strongbow and got a cute little buzz. She normally holds it better than that but it’s cute when she gets a little loopy up there.

Bed time a robust (what the what?) 2:30am.

And then Saturday we slept till noon. Yeah, for no real reason I slept that late and because of it woke up with a headache. This was a day for complete and utter uselessness. The wifey was on the phone with Dell for a long while (shocking I know.) I tried to get some writing done and shake the headache. I watched some English Premier League matches. We enjoyed our new French press.

Later in the day we went to see A night at the Opera (Marx Brothers bishes) at the Cinematheque. I’m digging the Cinematheque. A good place to watch flicks you can’t find elsewhere and you can bring your own food and drink into the theatre. I still don’t think the membership is all that worth it though but I love the place.

And I’m the Mayor bishes! (I’ll wait while you all yell your hatred for 4square out)

Afterwards we went home and had some delicious dinner. Of course the meal following the diets guidelines of:

1 protein
1 veggie
2 cups of lettuce
1 fruit

4 pounds lost last week which can be added to the previous 6 to make a decent start. Long ways to go but I know that and plan to make it there. It’s been easier this time because the wife has made a good variation of what we can have.

They say variety is the best way to make money in the prostitute business.

Something similar to that. Anyhooking from there we went to you guessed it Parnell’s! This time it was to meet some friends who now live out of this awesome state. We had a few drinks and a bunch of laughs. I got a few good overheard tidbits too. From there it was pretty much home and to bed.

Bed time: 1:00am

Sunday we woke up earlier but it was a lazy day for me (what else is new?) as I watched some more EPL and tried to write. I mostly just worked on some editing and what not which counts.

Is this thing on?

The wife did some cleaning and of course there was the Star Wars marathon on Spike TV. I can’t pass up Star Wars. It was fun to see her bust out with the appropriate famous line for whatever scene was on when she entered the room.

By fun I mean hot. Sexy sexy.

Anynerd then we went to her dad’s house for some grub and family time. Which is always fun, especially since he floated the idea of us going to a Brown’s game. We headed to the big bird for some quick fix to a food for the next day problem. Then we came home made sure to dvr the roast of Hasselhoff and I watched the end of Summerslam.

She went to bed pretty early and I stayed up writing and then doing the dishes.
Don’t ask.

Then I wrote out a post card to send to my Uncle who is in jail. It’s been a while since wev’e talked and I wanted a quick way for him to get something to know I’m thinking of him.

How was your weekend?

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the one where I get recappy again

July 26, 2010

Just as I mildly and lovingly poke fun of the Monday weekend updates I find myself on the verge of doing a second consecutive one. I still didn’t do anything fancy enough to really warrant a recap but that is what makes it funny, no?

Probably not.

Our adventure starts on Thursday because it can. As I’ve said a few times (I think?) since being laid off most days blur into one another. Basically my week consists of three days now: Monday, Friday and Sunday.

Jimi’s unemployment week study guide:

Monday registers for 2 reasons: I file my weekly claim for unemployment and Monday Night Raw (Wrestling comes on)

Friday: Because the wife is all “I’m soo glad it’s the weekend” This day is also known as the start of the ‘often having to wear pants period’

Sunday: The wife says “I don’t want to go back to work tomorrow.” This is also the beginning of the “not having to put pants on period.”

Anypantless back to Thursday. The Three Shillelaghs headed over to the Cinematheque for the Marx Brothers Monkey Business. This was the movie that brought the wife over to the good side when it comes to The Marx Brothers. It also I believe cemented her love for Harpo.

What’s not to love?


Honk. Honk.

This newfound enjoyment of the Marx Brothers has spawned a possible Halloween costume. We could be the three Marx Brothers. Wifey: Harpo. Lindsay: Groucho and Me: Karl.

I’m not explaining that joke. You either get it or can Google that shit.

Friday night the wifey and I had dinner at her dad’s house. It was a good time and delicious dinner as usual. From there we headed over to the movie theatre to watch ‘Inception’ I saw three people I use to work with and 1 of them actually tried to talk to me which you know sucked. After an appropriate amount of jokes about having our minds being blown and the previews we enjoyed the movie-thoroughly.

Can I just say ‘The Town’ with Ben Affleck looks painfully bad?

Saturday I got to go back to my no pants wearing for most of the day. I relaxed at home and worked on some writing and what not. The wife spent some time with her mom and sis. That night we went to see BOOBIES! We went to Touch Supper Club to see some Burlesque.

Or as it was saved in my calendar: TATAS!

I should have taken some pics but it was a good time and there were lots of boobies! Big and naked ones! Wooo! Okay I’m done. I won’t really go into too much detail about the show cus the wife is going to review it. I will say the venue left a lot to be desired. It was tiny (That’s what she said!) and cramped and not run too smoothly.

Sunday was a nice lazy (mostly) Sunday with the wife. We lounged on the couch drinking coffee and reading together. After that we headed to the store and then again over to her dad’s house. Now since both he and her step mom are retired they got involved with the local Democrat movement. The wife (as am I) is happy about this because they wanted to do something and stay active. This led though to the wife roping me into some stuff. She agreed to help them do some canvassing. Which you know could suck and all that. Perhaps a longer post will come about that because it was definitely interesting.

From there we ran off to scott’s (clevoplanner) for a “tweetup”/ house warming bbq. It was a good time to just sit outside and chat with people. A beer in hand is always a good thing. We got to meet some people we’ve talked to on twitter. It was a good time—never going to complain when I’m surrounded by a whole lot of lovely chicks. There were more people not from twitter there and it was funny how things shaped up:


There was a hilarious separation between the two sets. Yes that picture confirms that all tweeters look alike.

All in all a good weekend.

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The time I was Quick Draw McGraw

June 7, 2010

When you are done here go check out the B Movie Brigade where I profile a Maniac for your pleasure.

This past Saturday night my life as I know it changed forever. I had a run in with the law.

Like WOAH right? I hope you all channeled your inner Ted for that one.

This however is serious business. It happened around 11:30 as the wife and I were buying some nourishment for midnight showing of The Evil Dead. Nothing beats seeing it on the big screen in all its 35mm glory. There were about 15 minutes of truly awesome Grindhouse type trailers before the flick.

Anygore all that was after. We need to focus on the events that took place at Walgreens. As I stated earlier we were there stocking up on snacks for the movie. I grabbed some Mike and Ike: Lemonade Blends and the wife picked up some Milk Duds.

We walked up to the registers just as the manager guy pulled the till out and began counting the money. One of the cops that regularly help keep it safe at night was talking to him. The nice manager fellow informed us that the register was closed but one of the regular cashiers took us at the other register. She knows us as we go there a lot. As the wife paid my mind began to wander.

It happens quite a lot.

My mind roamed and went from random thought to random thought. I know you are all quite shocked. As this happened my eyes did to, until they came upon the cop. More specifically my eyes came across the gun on his hip. He (the cop) was still speaking to the manager and there was a free shot at his gun.

“I can totally grab his gun.” I thought.

Then I looked up and the manager was looking right at me. He was looking at me as I was thinking “I can totally grab his gun.” He knew just what I was thinking. I was caught. I’m pretty sure that our cashier had seen me too but my back was to her. I was doubly caught and there was only one thing to do. So I snatched the gun. I grabbed it and well you know said police officer was not too fond of this. There was really no alternative but to then say: “You’ll never take me alive coppa”
This is about when I sort of snapped out of it and realized that the manager was sort of looking at me still. The coppa I suppose interested in what he was looking at turned around just as I snapped out of this thought process.

When we left I began to tell my lovely wife the story. I postponed it till we got outside of the store. Then I postponed it again once I saw a lady sitting in her car with the windows down. Once in the car I told the wife the story. She told me that she would then divorce me.

I think you all should go tell her on twitter or on her blog how horrible of her that is. I mean what happened to support from one’s spouse? The conversation went from there:

Me: How dare you?
Wife: What you ruined your life not mine.
Me: I just grabbed a cop’s gun you think it’s safe to divorce me?
Wife: You’ll be in jail.
Me: No I’d be on the lam. It’s clear that after a statement like that I’d have to shoot him
Wife: What is wrong with you?
Me: I’m not going to jail. I’d shoot him, then the manager. I’d take the money and then since you’re not supportive try me some chubby black cashier.
Wife: What?
Me: I’m not going to jail. I’d shoot him, then the manager. I’d take the money and then since you’re not supportive try me some chubby black cashier.
Wife: What is wrong with you?
Me: What?
Wife: She’d probably be into it too.
Me: Hell yeah she’d be into it.

So yeah so most of this took part in my head and in conversation form. That second sentence was clearly hyperbole but I thought maybe you’d like a glimpse into what is apparently my sick mind.

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