Things I learned from last week

February 20, 2012

It’s easier to convince people that I have a twin at the museum than you’d think. That story will be posted in a “conversations with jimi” later.

Volunteering (at work) always gets me punished. I get assigned the worst posts. I really hate checkroom. Most of my coworkers like it though.

If I start poems at work it means nothing if I don’t work on it when I get home. Lately I’ll start working on one and a manager will come in or a bunch of patrons.

I really want to produce my plays. This really explains itself. The wife and I’ve been talking about producing them again.

Scallions are my new arch nemesis. No matter where I order if I ask to have the scallions off they’ll still be on the food.

When I finally use my calendar in my phone it helps if I put the right movie time.

Chris Cornell’s voice is awesome. I knew this but his “I will always love you” cover helped me remember.

Being at a bus stop without headphones means you get to hear a ton of interesting things. I should stop and listen sometimes. It helps with creating characters. At the very least @Overheardohio would benefit.

Being in a room filled with Rembrandts is sort of stressful. I was a little on edge the whole time. It took me a while to get into a groove and feel like I was able to do a good job of making sure nothing happened.

Side note: In Cleveland? Make sure to check out the Rembrandt in America show. It is pretty sweet.

Melt bar and grilled is one of the best ways to cap off a weekend. This time around I had the TMNT Cowabunga Pizza Roll Melt: Cheese pizza rolls deep fried, rich homemade marinara, green ooze basil pesto cream chesse, Provolone and Romano cheese

Awesome cheesy movies with the three shillelaghs (Lindsay and kat) is always a great idea. This week it was Flash Gordon and The House by the Cemetery. They were at the Capitol Theatre and Cleveland Cinematheque

For your enjoyment:

And Lucio Fulci’s The House by the Cemetery:

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What I learned last week: 6/3-6/10

July 10, 2011

What I learned from last week

Group interviews suck:

Ok technically I already knew this. I’d been in group interviews before and they’ve always sucked. Last week I had an interview for a job at a college. I arrived all gussied up and what not. When I checked in I heard group interview and my first instinct was to run. I didn’t I sucked it up and went through with it. It was horridly painful. It ended with each of us having to get up in front and do a “commercial” about ourselves.

Katy Perry is hot.

Ok again something I already knew. I’ve never hid the fact that I have an HUGE crush on Katy Perry. The problem it seems is I also enjoy her music. I mean it’s not my favorite in the world but I dig it and she is way hot. So the wifebot bought tickets to her concert and I went.

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Katy Perry puts on a surprising good show.

She sort of won me over with her performance.
(Okay she had already won me over with her boobs, but still.)
Her show was very theatrical and pretty fun.

Star Trek the Next Generation: The Porn Parody:

Yes there is this. They do appear to have tried to have a real plot and decent attempt at graphics. Kimberly Kane (another crush of mine.) is in it, but unfortunately not really in the trailer. She plays Dr. Crusher.

I REALLY like to talk about my writing:

We all probably knew that, but this week it really stuck out. There was this strange dude at the wife’s show and he heard me say I was a playwright. He asked to talk with me and asked about my writing. I talked and answered all his questions even when it got weird. He seemed to be steering it toward trying to “collaborate” with me.

The wifebot is an amazing actress:

Again already knew this but the shows this weekend were pretty impressive. Plus look what the Sun News said: Catherine Remick (the wifebot) and Natalie Dolezal start off the festival with strong, snarky emotion absolutely crucial to the scene and some of the most capable and natural acting in the production. I got it here.

Going out to see Fireworks can be a good time:

I’ve sort of been lukewarm about going to see fireworks. I mean I enjoy it but this year I had a lot of fun.The three shillelaghs headed over to family fest (I think it was called that) presented by RTA. It was a good time. It was nice to hang out enjoying the 216 on a blanket with friends and random people.

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We’re rock stars:

Two times last week the wifebot and I were singled out for being awesome. As we left for the Katy Perry concert we were stopped by a lady. She said “you two look like you was walking right out of a magazine.” On the 4th of July as we entered the family fest (or whatever) a man stopped us to take our picture. He thought we were “such an interesting couple” and “looked made for each other.”

Finding lost friends:

Just yesterday my meebo app (lets me chat easily on my phone) signed on by itself. My sound was off and I was unaware. It’s connected to my aim (I know right?) and someone who I met thru a band’s message board immed me. I saw it like 3 hours later but luckily she was still online. We talked and it was nice. We’ve made sure to connect in other ways. It was very nice.

Movies on the couch:

It is such a simple joy putting in a movie and cuddling with the wifebot. Perfection.


The one where I’m a vampire Slayer

April 8, 2011

You know what gets old?

Milk.

(I’ll pause why you regain your composure after that side splitting joke.)

(Ready?)

(That was such a bad joke that I’m going to leave it in.)

The job search is getting old. No actually that is a lie it got old a long long time ago. What gets even older and faster? Job search boards and ads can just shove it. They suck. They REALLY suck.

(Also 8 hours? Really you can only guarantee me 8 hours a week? How am I supposed to live on 8 hours worth of money a week?)

That last part isn’t necessarily part of this post, just part of the problem. I mostly was sifting through the local paper’s want ads and going to specific places websites. That worked. The jobs to apply were plentiful (just not calling me) but it felt like I could be doing more. Enter job boards. I hit them up and some of them I still do.

One of the ones I don’t though is jobs.com. I’ve had nothing but crap from them. Every other link had me running through hoops of filling out the same thing over and over. Most times it appeared to end up a bust. It end up just trying to get me to join a “job network” that never really accomplished anything and every time they called or contacted me it’d be about going back to school or training somewhere.

It was annoying.
It was disheartening.
Plus the texts—the mother bleeping texts!

Texts saying to call for an interview for jobs I didn’t apply for and more than once weren’t even in Ohio. Right before I decided to steer clear of jobs.com I got an email from an “employer” and it went like this.

Dear James
I am an employer. My company is looking to hire good people. We saw your resume and were glad you had interest in our field. Are you interested in help going back to school? We can help you do that? It will help you to be better suited for a position with the company.

(It went on but I’ll stop there.)

My response:

Dear Employer
I am a human. I was shocked to learn you were willing to help me go back to school after the last time. Did you not read about it? The events weren’t totally my fault, so I thank you for the second chance. Yes I did burn down the school gymnasium but in my defense I was battling vampires. I managed to kill of that nest of vamps but all anyone sees is the burned gym. It is a sad state.

Their response:

I don’t follow you. I’m sorry.

My response:

Such is the life of a slayer.

Yeah they’ve not responded since. Oh well. Should I put sarcastic/funny email creator on my resume?


The one with a glimpse

March 9, 2011

So I’ve decided to give you a glimpse into the daily jimi.

It will not be pretty.
Trust me.

Sort of like this:

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That doesn’t normally happen. It was part of the Halloween process.

Moving on…

The alarm goes off (generally) at 6:30 in the morning. It sounds like the warning alarm on army bases or spaceships in movies.

I tell the wife it’s 6:30 and it’s time to get up. Depending on the day she’ll either get up or roll over. This is when I let her sleep for another 7 minutes and the alarm blares again. I once again tell her it’s time to get up.

Now this time she actually gets up and either says she hates the world or me. Sometimes both of these things happened.

I stay in bed as gets ready. Sometimes I manage to stay awake until she leaves. On these days she gives me a kiss and we say our goodbyes. Other days I fall asleep and she probably hates me.

When DSN (Digital Sports Network—shows on the internet) was actually broadcasting I’d wake up at 9 am. On these days I’d listen to the show and troll (in the nicest and most awesomest of ways) the chat room. It was a fun creative process that I won’t explain here because nobody ever seemed to get my explanation.

It sort of results in the “oh haha” type answer.

Now that DSN is on hold I wake up between 9:15-9:30.
(Go on hate me if you want.)

It usually involves me waking up with my ass straight up in the air and my face smushed against the pillow. There are almost always big red sleep marks on my face. If you’re thinking of a “gay sex dream” joke save em the wifey has plowed that field already.

WAIT what?

I meant the jokes not actually you know her rogering me in the bum.
Uhm moving on…

So I wake up and of course before anything put water on to boil.

Gots to get my coffee on.

Then I sit down and check my email. Now this is a process sort of done with one eye shut. I open it hoping to not see some form rejection letters. These days they are piling up from publications and possible employers.
It’s at this point (or possibly earlier) that Carissa has hit me up on gchat with WAKE UP or some other witty way of saying that.

(ClevelandPoet@gmail.com if you too wish to tell me to wake up or you know chat.)

I try to scribble some notes or decide what will be worked on (writing wise) that day. When the coffee is ready I try and sit down and tackle my google reader. Some of you are probably on it and I will tell you know when I click it and there are already like 15 of you with posts I curse you. These days I can barely do 2 in a row and you all make me look bad.

Part of the problem is mine are so story based on what is happening and what I’ve done. Since losing my job those stories have tapered off because honestly I don’t do anything now.

AnyFeelingSorryForMyself after reading and sipping on my coffee the job search usually begins. This is where the day usually goes to shit. I had been trying to tackle some writing first. I learned early on the job search/application process really drains me. It ruins the writing on most days. I’d do a couple hours of writing and then the job search.

As it dragged on and I freaked out more I switched it around. It really has destroyed any thorough writing. I was worried though—still am. So I search first and for longer than I actually write during the day sometimes.

This pains me but yet it happens continually.

Did I mention since the chaos of protest began in the Middle East I do all this while watching/listening to Aljazeera English?

Well I do. I’m enthralled by it. I can’t stop. It inspires me and has led to more writing than I’ve been use to as of late. Also it’s led to some fucked up violent dreams. I mean like hours and hours of the coverage would be playing on my computer as I went about my day.

Around 2pm I’d remember that I hadn’t eaten all day and scrounge up some food.

Sometimes (more lately) I’ll search for a bad movie to watch. Recently: Killer Barbys vs. Dracula, Zombie Honeymoon and Lure: Teen Fight Club and (painfully) Zombie Bloodbath

Why?

Because at the B Movie Brigade we watch it so you don’t have to. Zombie Bloodbath is up and the others will be soon.

(Cheap plug)
Also what happens!

I suffer through these bad movies and take detailed notes. These notes have a very detailed key to make sense of them. If you were to look at the notebook it’d be gibberish.

(What else is new?)

Sometimes after some more writing I take a nap. I did this a couple time while listening to Aljazeera English and that was bad idea. We can substitute a nap with going for a walk. This was always a highlight—until winter really hit. I still try to go for at least a short walk during the day.

Then yoga.
Sometimes naked.
The wife likes that for some reason.

She’s never here for it is probably why. At 5 the day swings into more of a sports watching mode with some work on writing thrown in. There was a point or at least a joke I wanted to have thrown in here at the end. The only problem is it has slipped my mind

Jokes on you I guess.


The one with Hoth

January 11, 2011

I think (before we proceed) we need to take a moment and appreciate the fact that I’ve written three posts about this trip and it’s still the first night. Hell we haven’t even reached my friend’s place yet. It is a skill folks.

(It is.)

So after single handedly saving the life of the two women in the stuck truck we were on our way. Music blasting we drove around the city. Everything was clearing up or so it seemed.

(dun dun dun.)

We crossed over the bridge and right into a mini traffic jam. It seems there was a big ole semi stuck (well unable) to make a turn. This would also become a theme of the trip too. A truck a day was stuck or stopped or just generally in our way. I’ll set the scene up for you. This big ole semi was trying to make a left turn and not able to make it full around the bend. He kept trying, failing and then backing up to try again. It may have been the snow. It may have been the steepness of the turn. It may have been there wasn’t enough honking to give him the extra turbo around the corner.

We turned down that side street before it was obvious we would not be going anywhere. Then were quickly pinned in when several others came behind us. Don’t worry they quickly took up the honking slack and he was soon able to push on.

(No he wasn’t.)

The honking and light flashing commenced. Finally we made it through this and were on our way to Bensonhoth….er I mean Bensonhurst.

(I can use the same joke as many times as I like!)

Besides it did resemble the ice planet of Hoth. Just as we were on the verge of truly understanding the scope of the Ice planet he decided he needed another starbucks fix. Luckily for him (not really) there happened to be a drive thru 24 hour one right around the corner from where we were. Despite R2D2’s warning bleeps he made the turn. I could see the famed Cyclone ride that no matter how boring has its name attached to many a thing. Ah the gateway to Coney Island. It looks uhm quaint.

(Yeah we’ll go with quaint.)

Poised to make a u-turn to easily access the starbucks we were confronted with a mini wall of snow. Instead we drove onward to the light and turned around there. As we neared the entrance we could see that it would not be easy (at all) to get in there. Our fearless Sulu was determined to get his expensive caffeine fix and plowed into the entrance. This of course led to us being stuck.

He maneuvered: Nothing.
He shifted: Nothing.
He talked to Brynhildr: Nothing.

I got out to push. Just as I did one big ole 4×4 truck pulls up behind us. Can you guess what they did has I pushed? Yep they honked. I trounced around in the snow to give it another push. They honked again and then drove crazily around us and into the parking lot. As I’m still pushing they blow past us. They laughed as they exited. Finally I got us free and we pull in and around only to find it closed. Of course. They can only keep the doors open so long. They can’t keep waiting for Han and Luke to return it’s starting to freeze.

Star Wars FTW!

Oh right so we continue on our way. We enter his neighborhood or what was left of it. There were tons and tons of snow piled everywhere. There were cars just parked anywhere they could find. Hello Mr. Snow bank. Hello Mr. Stuck Car. The blocks were inaccessible. Not only because of the snow (unplowed) roads of the blocks but because snow was plowed into a blocking wall in front of the blocks. It was crazy. I’m still pretty sure the reason Manhattan was so clear was they pushed the snow over to this neighborhood. His block was totally blocked off. It was clear we’d have to park elsewhere and walk. So we drove.

AND DROVE.

Then we drove some more. There was nowhere to park. Nothing accessible at all. We began to get desperate. There was talk of parking in Manhattan and taking the train in. Then he came up with a worse plan. He (in our desperation) decided we’d just park anywhere (stuck or not) and leave it there. I mean after all there was no way they were plowing with all the cars littering the streets. His first choice wasn’t too far from his place. The problem was it was literally just this huge bank of snow. The idea being just drive into till stuck near the curb. He did. We made it nowhere near the curb. We got 2 tires into the snow mountain and that was it.

Time for me to Hulk up I guess. I got out and pushed forward. Nothing—a whole lot of nothing really. I got back in. We decided to push it back out of the snow trap. A feat easier said than done. I pushed and pushed. We dug (with our hands) a bit. Froze and pushed some more.

The whole time there was wave after wave of people walking and driving past us.

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That crude paint job was pretty much what it was like. After about 15 minutes or more of being stuck I broke out a few extra herculean pushes. We were free but of course had nowhere to park. We drove some more.

Finally desperate again we decided the abandoning type of parking was the best bet. This time we found a better place. It was pretty much triple parked but we were in and not too stuffed in snow or other cars. It was a bit of a walk so we only really took what we didn’t want to leave behind. You know to be stolen or impounded. I had this huge bag so I just took what I thought I’d need. I stuffed pants and a shirt for the next day in my messenger bag and we were on our way. I had my messenger bag around my shoulder, then my computer bag and finally my camera bag. It was cutting off air by the time we made our way down the snow covered street. We navigated the snow blockade and even the icy sidewalks. The home stretch was behind us. My conversed feet were frozen but there would be warmth and relaxation soon.

This is what we arrived to (click for full horror):

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And after walking and weaving through this we arrived to his door:

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See those holes in the snow? Yeah that is us. It was high and not heavy so we sunk right on down. We finally get in and upstairs. Shove off our coats and sit. Of course at this point we realize we have no alcohol at all. That night was a reason to drink if there ever was one.


What I learned from last week

October 25, 2010

What I learned from last week:

I’m working on a piece for here that simply refuses to cooperate. So until then a short little review thang. Mostly I just wanted an excuse to show the picture at the end. Enjoy bitches!

I like to get glassware. Well to be fair I already knew that. Let’s just say it was reaffirmed. It was Cleveland Beer week and many of the events gave away glasses.

I have a problem with The Red Hot Chilli Peppers. This was also not too much of a revelation but as of late I find myself changing the station when they come on. I’ve even groaned one time. It is not that I don’t like them—well at least I did like them. I dunno. I just change em right off the bat now.

I miss painting my nails. Sort of. It causes such a stir still. It just sucks having to take time to do it. It does help me avoid writing though.

God has a sense of humor or irony. The other day in the spirit of spirit day (haha get it) I painted my nails purple. T o show my support of the lgbt (or anyone actually) anti bullying campaign. Not an hour after that I went for my daily walk. Not even 20 minutes into the walk I got heckled by some guy.

Painting your nails makes you “some sort of faggot” See above.

Dracula (1931), Bela Lugosi and Dwight Frye will trump college football. I was going to watch the 2nd half of scheduled college football games but then saw Dracula was playing. Yeah I missed some football for the time it was on.

That I can be ninja like. This may come as a surprise to those of you who have seen me but it is true. Whilst visiting the former employer (to see people I like only) I proved it on more than one occasion. There were former higher ups that I did not want to deal with and each time they came near me my hood was up in a jiffy. Or I was dipping and bolting behind things and it was all avoided.

I still dig meeting people I’ve met because of twitter. Two more off the list: @Q104Rebecca and @BrewersDaughter

That I want halloween soda!

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Jones Soda co. makes it and it be tasty, but of course I’m on a diet.

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The above hat was one of the best buys ever. Ninja Turtle hat FTW

Wow I didn’t really learn anything of consequence did I? Shut up! You learn anything last week?


The one where I get leopardy or

July 1, 2010

You know learn about art.

A brief disclaimer before we begin. I went into this hoping to write a neat little write up of it. I did.
No seriously. Look:

Dear awesome chick I know who works at the Art Museum,

“hey is it cool to bring my camera to the lecture? I thought I’d blog about it so like to snap a few shots.”

See. Ms. Jackson my intentions were good and if I could go back in time to write a more serious one I probably still wouldn’t. What can I say I am who I am? I do want to state for the record no matter what you read below this point (if you read) I thoroughly enjoyed the lecture. It was very interesting and well done. Constantine Petridis, curator of African Art, gave the lecture and I mean no disrespect at all.
I mean no disrespect because the first note I have on the actual lecture was this:

He really reminds me of the character from Ghost Busters II. You know Dr. Janosz Poha? Janosz is the guy who gets possessed by the spirit of Vigo the Carpathian. This guy:

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Of course because I kept seeing him as Janosz lead to two continual thoughts running through my head.

1. I can’t possibly include it in my write up. 2. I wonder if I can get him to say “Soon, the city will be mine and Vigo’s… mainly Vigo’s.” after the lecture.

I almost convinced myself to do it too. Think he would have punched me? Anysequel he spoke very eloquently about the piece and was very thoughtful. He added some bits (and attempts) at humor but that really just enforced the thoughts from above. I did also have this other note written:

“he says ‘unit’ a lot. Tee hee.”

Yes tee hee was actually part of the note.On that note let us really dive on in. Ready kiddies?

It of course was held at the amazing Cleveland Museum of Art. Check them out at that link and or follow them on twitter here. It has been under construction for what seems like forever but there are new galleries open and they look awesome. We get a lot of crap from places but I will say this: Our Art Museum is still free so suck on it bitches.

We arrived at about 6:40 and entered the building. Now I knew the lecture but not where it was being given. The wifey asked the gaggle of security people—do you use gaggle for security people?—she asked them where it was. Bear in mind they were old. It went mostly like this (note anything in parenthesis may not have actually happened):

Securityoldie1: Whaa? LECTURE? (In my day a lecture meant you were in trouble!) You know of a LECTURE? (You know lass in my day we walked 100 miles in the snow and broken glass to get to lectures and on time)
Securityoldie2: No I don’t know anything about lectures.
Securityoldie3: I’m not sure. (If I should be hanging out with these fellas) Ask the desk.
Securityoldie1: Oh yes it is in the African Exhibits. (Damn kids)
Securityoldie1-3: (Get off our lawns!)

We ran from them without are baseball because they told us one more time and it was theirs. Maybe our friend can borrow his dad’s Babe Ruth Baseball.

Bam! Dropping a Sandlot reference on you right there. I just cracked a huge knowledge egg on you bitches.

So we go down (yeah baby) and then through the back halls and up the escalator and around the corners. After we left grandma’s house (and back through the woods) we went to the African exhibits. Where there was nobody. We walked around. Found Morgan Freeman posing as a CMA security guy and he said he didn’t know of it. Pointed us back to the African Art section and there we stood perplexed as the clocked ticked on to 7.

[Insert Benny Hill chase scene here.] Incidentally that note in my book made me download the Benny Hill theme as my ringtone. I’m impressionable.

AnyYaketySax as we stood there near the Stool (bahahah) we realized that the dude giving the lecture was up there too. How did we know? Well he told someone he’s from “The upper vest side” that he knew that they weren’t late because he was the one giving the lecture and that it was downstairs in the lecture hall. Wow a lecture in a lecture hall—who would have thunk? We’re smart!

[Cue Benny Hill chase again]

So the lecture was on African art and specifically: King Kamga’s Leopard Stool.

I’ll pause while you giggle because you just read stool. Oh is that just me? Fine. This is the actual description of the stool (haha I know at least Carissa is laughing with me. High five Carissa!) from their site:

In its homeland in the Cameroon Grassfields this leopard stool is a symbol of high rank and once belonged to the royal treasure. Imported glass beads from Venice and Bohemia were the exclusive property of the king and his retinue, while leopard imagery was reserved for the prestige arts at the royal court. After it was photographed at the feet of its last African owner, King Kamga II of Bandjoun, this stool was brought back by Father Frank Christol to France where it remained hidden in a private collection for more than half a century.

I could use the camera but the room was way too dark without the flash so I made these for you:

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Shown: Seats (Bottom) Screen (left) King Kamga’s Stool (bahaha) (in screen) Janosz and Podium (right)

And this:

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Shown: Screen w/ Cameroon Grassland Map (Left) and Crazy guy (will make an appearance later and his crazy hair (bottom Right)

It was all very interesting. I found it fascinating. He talked about how some of the stuff (such as the Leopard stool) was not originally as highly valued. Apparently the collectors felt the wooden stuff was more expressive than art that was made with beads and etc. I think they are all amazing and very much expressive. The stools made wonderful use of wood, textile and beads.

This one was a traveling stool (though still very large and heavy.) The Leopard was used metaphorically and figuratively (yay redundancy!) The King’s had dual roles both religious and Royal (law). The Leopard represented leadership. The stools were seen as protective as much as useful. The defender would morph into/under the guise of a leopard seeking out trouble and evil doers. Sort of like Darkwing Duck but you not a duck, and nothing like that at all.

Anyletsgetdangerous he kept it short but very informative. He was friendly and answered questions from the audience. The audience wasn’t as big as I had hoped it would be and the questions were mostly lame. This leads me to the crazy hair guy. He was interested in the part where Janosz had mentioned that beaded artifacts weren’t as valuable. He wanted to know if he (the speaker) felt that he (and the CMA) were pioneers in the showing of these artifacts. What he asked was:

“do you feel that because it’s sort of under the radar that you come in like a thief and get the good stuff”

What??

Anyawkwardness he didn’t know how to respond and then went on to explain some of the process of how things get shown and what not. That was interesting too. There are more lectures in the series. If interested check here. I know we’ll be back.

Things in my notes but not mentioned used here:

How it pre dates Christianity (like Joan Rivers)
Boobies! (A slide had a woman with her boobs exposed!)
How a headdress was like the Decepticon Soundwave.
Here is that note: The headdress can be folded in to protect the feathers while not performing. Awesome the headdress is sort of like a Transformer. Yeah like Soundwave except not a robot, no gun and doesn’t turn into a sweet boom box.
The early beads were pretty plain. Just red white and blue.
America Fuck Yeah!

I’ll leave you with some pictures of King Kamga’s Stool:

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And then me plotting:

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