The one with a lady intruder

March 18, 2011

St. Patrick’s Day.

Not like I need an excuse to drink but any reason to get together with friends and be around Cleveland is good enough for me. This year the 216 was beautiful. The sun was shining. The temperature was nicely in the 60’s. There was the parade. Downtown was filled with people. I was with good friends. I got fondled on the bus—

Wait what?

You read that right. We decided the best way to tackle getting to the parade was the RTA. Of course we weren’t the only ones to think of this—nor did we think we were. We boarded the first bus. It was a tight fit.

(Understatement.)

The middle doors opened and there was just one mass of arms, legs everywhere. The front was better and we at least were able to walk in without pushing people. This wouldn’t be the case with other passengers and other buses.

One stop (maybe 2?) people looking to get on included 2 people in wheelchairs. The whole front was filled. Those in the seats where the wheelchairs would need to get up. They did so with no fuss. Those of us in the front got off the bus so the driver would have room to work. As we waited we decided it might be best to catch the next bus.

And then that bus came and it was way worse. We managed to get on without pushing or hitting or making too many uncomfortable. The next stops people didn’t just pile on, they torpedoed their way on. These new riders shoved bodies every which way to get on. They of course than proceeded to complain the rest of the way that it was too packed.

We were crushed against everyone. It slowly began to get hot and stinky. Somewhere along the way a hand shot out from the crowd and fondled me. This hand didn’t just grab my chest but rubbed it before vanishing.

I won’t spend time on the parade. Just a brief list:

Floats.
Old people waving.
Old people not waving.
Kids.
Kids looking bored.
Dogs.
Bands.
Idiots in the crowd.
Drunk girl needing two people to help her walk at 4pm.
Baby getting beer spilled on it.

We did make a stop at Erie Island Coffee Co. over on East 4th. It was my first time there. I was thoroughly amused how strict they were about making sure you only used the restroom after purchasing something. I get why. I do. I don’t even have a problem with the thought (especially on a day where so many people would be out there) but still thought it was funny. They were barking it at anyone who even seemed remotely to be headed that way.

I got a chai frappe and it was delicious.

Back on the bus—this time a bit less packed. We made our way to Parnell’s Pub, because there really is nowhere else you should celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. I mean you should go there year round but they are authentic Irish. Good times as always.

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After I got a real nice buzz (bordering on nicely drunk) this happened:

I walked on over to the men’s room and opened it to find a very short haired woman wiping her hands. I said “oh” and closed the door. In my head I was thinking damn am I so drunk that I just tried to go in the ladies room? They are directly opposite from one another. As I contemplated this she opened the door.

Intruder: No you were right this is the men’s room.
Me (said with a curious ah ha tone): You’re a (came out more Youra) woman, woman.
Intruder: Yeah. I just used the men’s room—
Me: A woman!
Intruder: Oh and I kinda stopped up the toilet so I hope you don’t have to sit down.
Me: Because youra woman.

She leaves and I enter. I of course look down at the toilet before heading over to the urinal. The water was swirling closer to the edge and what was floating in there but a tampon.

Me (to the empty room in a Seinfeld voice): Woman!

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The one that happened because of twitter

August 21, 2010

Wiktionary defines a tweetup:

A real-life meeting organised on the social networking site Twitter.

While I’ve heard this one more than a few times:

“People who have nothing to do meet up with people they tweet when they have nothing to do.”

Both are flawed in that they don’t involve alcohol.

Got’s to have my Jack bishes!

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Anydrinking you may gather from this that I attended a “tweetup” last night. Well that or I spend my Saturdays looking up definitions of things. You know whichever. Probably both of them.

So the legend goes that I had convinced the wifey to go to a local wrestling promotion. It was for Absolute Intense Wrestling (AIW): The World is not Enough. It was being held at a bar in Broadview Hts. The place is called Jockos sports bar. It was pretty understood that she was not going to enjoy it nearly as much as I was.

Side note: She enjoys it more than she lets on.

Anytights this had been planned for weeks. Everything was fine. We were going and I was paying for it. We’d be pretty even when it comes for the tit for tat aspect of marriage. I mean I’ve gone to more than a few musicals just for her.

Compromises bishes!

Then twitter struck. People I dig (and have met before) started planning something. Okay I’d like to see them. I like hanging with them so I have a tiny pause in my plans. No AIW on the 20th! Then they chose my favorite place—Parnell’s Pub.

Damnit.
Then there were more people going.
Damnit.

Then I freaked out about money or you know lack thereof. I figured how I spend my money has to mean something good. Spending money on a ticket for someone who didn’t really want to be there didn’t seem the best way to spend it. Spending money at a place I love, with people I dig did. So I changed my mind. We headed over to Parnell’s at about 7pm. But back that shizzle up for a second. First a bit about my day:

I woke up and made coffee.
Then I went outside to get my paper.
It of course wasn’t there.
I cursed whoever took it. I wished that whoever took it had shards of glass coated in salt shoved in their pee hole.
Looked for a job.
Emailed some jobs.
Wrote some samples.
Reviewed notes for a review I was going to do.
Realized it was time for Yoga.
Did my yoga (45 minutes bishes)
wondered why I use bishes so much did some weights.
I went for a walk. This walk lasted about an hour and a half.

Nowhere in there did you see eat right? Yeah that’s because I forgot to eat. What the heckers?

Uhm did I really just use “what the heckers?”?

So went to Parnell’s and I got to get a nice buzz because I had no food in me whatsoever. It was a fun time. It was cool to hang with Dave and Alicia again. I got to meet some new peeps too.

@willgoldstein
@katatvandy
@AllLacqueredUp
@PuckingGoalie
@tripsdad

It was a good ole time. We stayed till a few minutes after midnight. This of course was problematic since we had no dinner (and I no food all day!) and being midnight not many options. We had not cheated on the diet, but we did last night. Guys pizza to the rescue. I don’t believe this will hinder the diet at all. The next day we are back on track and ready freddy to continue on it.
There were two pictures taken during the fun times:

First there is Admiral Ackbar making sure the sharpie was not a trap.

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Then the bartender took a picture of all attendees:

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Don’t we look so happy?

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Post it note Tuesday

June 29, 2010

So yeah now that the World Cup is winding down and my sister’s visit is over (love ya sis!) I can get back to regular posting.

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That’s right as most of you lovelies know our 3 year wedding anniversary just passed. You can read her wedding recap here. It wasn’t the traditional celebration but it was rather fitting for us. We woke up really early and went to breakfast and then headed over to Parnell’s Pub to watch the USA vs. Algeria match. The wife was happy with doing this—though I recognize her absolute awesomeness for it. Best wife ever.

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It was a lot of fun sitting in a packed pub watching the world cup. There was singing, screaming clapping and stomping. It was a wonderful atmosphere. We lived and died together. When we scored and when we won we hugged and high-fived and celebrated with one another. Even the misses got into it. She cried when we won!

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There was a real douche bag who when Asamoah Gyan scored for Ghana in the 103rd minute he basically wished his (Gyan’s) family would fall victim to genocide. Thank you sir for being a complete and utter moron. I was bummed he scored too but come on! The worst part was he was clearly just some sort of bandwagon jumper because listening to him discuss footy was painful.

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See what I did there with the red font? Clever boy. Yes finally as my last pair of converse were barely held together. If the sky even looked dark my feet would get wet there were so many holes.

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Oh yeah back to my green chuck roots! Oh how I missed green ones. Can’t find em anywhere but fate was on my side. We tried Foot Locker on the off chance. When I asked the guy he said no we had to order them and then he said wait what size do you wear. I told him and he went to the back. They had 1 pair my size because some other guy had them ordered but he ordered the wrong shoe size. Big thanks to my sister Lisa for my chucks!

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Got vote for Lilu because she is awesome. She is seriously top 5 funny people I read! Why vote for her? Well I do believe she harnesses the awesome power that is unicorn farts. Imagine the good that can be done with that? So click here and do what ya gotta do!


Post it note Tuesday: the titleless one

June 8, 2010

Just a short list of post it notes because I forgot to do them last night.

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That’s right its World Cup 2010 time! It starts exactly 2 days 21 hours and 18 minutes from when I’m typing this. I cannot wait. Can you tell? This is the only perk of being laid off and still having no job. I will be able to watch every single match.

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The above countdown being right means there is only 3 days till the USA vs. ENGLAND match. That match I am really looking forward to. This week has been hate England week or at least don’t like England for this week week. I will be at Parnell’s Pub for the match and I’ll probably be there from 7am on!

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Seriously someone pay me. I’m good at making out you know working and stuff.

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I get a bunch of emails from people instead of them leaving actual comments on here. Yesterdays post prompted and email from someone who was apparently pissed at me. Said emailer had a problem with the post and let it be known to me. They also said they hoped my wife divorced me. I found both the post and the email funny. Look for the email to be posted sometime soon.

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This one really speaks for itself.


Short and sticky post it note tuesday

April 13, 2010

Go read others here:

and make your own here.

Let’s just jump right on into these post it notes shall we?

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Now I’m not saying all directors are weird people, just a majority some of them. I had a glimpse into the trials and tribulations directors had to deal with. The production wasn’t a major one but was hard work. The wifey and I weren’t weird directors but there are plenty of em out there.

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The wife and I made a great team of directors. If need be we could be good cop bad cop. Here of course being bad cop. We handled things on the fly and it turned out pretty rocking. We were just like the Coen brothers if you know if one of them was a girl and they were having sex.

What?

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I won’t lie I enjoyed wearing the directing hat but writing the play is wear my heart remains. I’d be open to doing it again someday though.

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The Hoff hosted Monday Night Raw last night and was awesome. This post it pretty much speaks for itself.

That’s all a short list today because I didn’t write them the night before and I’ve got a lot of things to do today.


Post it Note Tuesday Vol. 6

January 26, 2010

So I skipped Post it note Tuesday (oh man I think I may need to refer to it as PINT from here on out!) Yeah I skipped it because I wrote about a gajillion of them the day before and then lost the sheet of paper I wrote them on. Okay it was really just like 5 of them but they were good. I think. Anypint I didn’t want to rush like 6 day of so I did a little skipola. All that being said it’s time once again. Here I go again on my own. Walking down the only road I’ve ever known. Like a drifter I was born to walk alone……what? Yeah I did just break out a White Snake reference for no real reason at all. I mean seriously it had nothing to do with the PINTS. Just read em if ya like.
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