the one with garlic

September 9, 2013

There are many important things that are being discussed today. There are all sorts of topics to discuss like Jobs (still!!?), Fracking (bow chikka bow wow) and just what should we do about Syria?

Today I’d like to discuss something that’s very important.


More specifically the Cleveland Garlic Festival. What is the Cleveland Garlic Festival you ask? From their own website:

Funds from the Cleveland Garlic Festival allow North Union Farmers’ Market to operate markets weekly throughout the year in Greater Cleveland. We administer and expand our educational and charitable market programs, which continue to be very important complements to our market season (Food Stamp enhanced purchases/EBT-SNAP, Music at the Market, Chef at the Market, Mighty Locavores K-2 educational programming in Cleveland Municipal School District and much more). With the help of 150 loyal farmers and producers, North Union Farmers Market will bring fresh, local, healthy food to more than 275,000+ customers this year.

That is the basic reasons and good stuff that come from it. I’d call it a celebration of the yummy deliciousness that is garlic. We love garlic and put it in almost everything we make. We tried to go once before but for whatever reason we let it slip by. This year it seemed like that would happen again. We had other plans Saturday and of course like always I would be working on Sunday. Then I came across a post on Bite Buff giving away tickets. I gave it a whirl mostly because all you needed to do was post one comment.

Easy peasy is my style!

Spoiler alert: I won.

I’d like to thank the academy…

So we juggled things around to make sure we could go.


That picture doesn’t have anything to do with the garlic festival but was cool. It was near where we parked.

Our first stop was @ChillPopShop for some delicious ice pops. We opted for the Agave and Garlic one because when in Rome you choose garlic. Wait…


We weaved our way through the many Many vendors. We stopped to be shown how to plant our own garlic. They even gave us the garlic and plantable pot.


Straight from there we went over to a raffle by Meyer Hatchery. It was a raffle giving away a chicken coop and two chickens. We’d been talking about getting chickens for a while and Kat is really excited to. I dropped a dollar in for the raffle and we went away hopeful.


We ran into @AllLacqueredUp  @EatDrinkClev and @BiteBuff and chatted it up for a bit—mostly about the possibility of chickens. Always nice to run into twitter peeps but we had to make our way to the Mason’s Creamery spot for some ice cream. If you’ve not tried them you simply have to. They are some of the nicest people and their ice cream is heavenly. We had a scoop of Earl Grey and a scoop of butterscotch.

They are rapidly becoming my favorite way to spend money in Cleveland!

I was too busy trying all the various garlic centric things to take pictures but there were awesome oils, jellies, hot sauces there. Later over dinner we mentioned the Festival to the wifebot’s dad and stepmom. We even mentioned the chicken raffle. They decided to head on over to the fest. While there they put in for the raffle and long story short we are now the owners of a chicken mansion and two chickens.

Say whaaaaat?

Good times and thanks to Katrina at Bitebuff!

What is going on with the sky in this picture?


last week in pictures

April 11, 2012

last  week was a pretty good time.

1. my current reading stack: Speaking with the Angel, Stealing Rembrandts, The Subterraneans (rereading), Breakfast of Champions (rereading), Crisis on Infinite Earths, American Gothic: Sixty years of horror cinema

2.  Finally fixed these glasses.

3.  Easter tie: Thrift Store find!

4.  B.J. Whitmer after his brutal street fight match for Absolute Intense Wrestling

5.  A bloody B.J. Whitmer.

6.  Tim Donst after he put someone else through that table

the week in phone pics

April 2, 2012

Week that was in pictures



1.  Swiss chard and sweet potato gratin made by the wifebot.
2.  Starbucks Refresher: Raspberry Pomegranate. Made w/ green coffee bean extract.
3.  The wifey in her newly made doily hoodie.
4.  Soccer ball bank. Columbus Crew ticket seed money?
5.  Glitter Easter egg that a coworker gave me. I’m not sure why.
6.  Heart shaped bird poo.
7.  Godzilla at Big Fun.
8.  Note to self on left over Animal Frites from Greenhouse Tavern 
9.  Bombshell Blonde Ale at Greenhouse Tavern
10. Coventry Arch

day four and my junk

August 10, 2011

Get your flippers and goggles on cause we just gonna jump right into Day number four at work. Want to catch up on the earlier insanity? Day 1 had John Waters and Goblins. Everyone had a laugh with day 2 and jimi eating geese. You may be asking “where is day 3?” or “damn Jimi can’t you even count to 4?”

(Nothing gets by any of you.)

Day 3 was pretty much uneventful. I walked to work and my leg really was hurting by the end. I’m not sure why though. I had some more training and made an epic joke. The guy doing the training didn’t get it, but that is par for the course. That joke will be revealed in the next Conversations with Jimi post. So kiddies we skip ahead to day four because something funny happened. Not so funny for me, but yeah I suppose I can look back and laugh.

This was my first day to wear my big boy blazer and work a gallery all by my lonesome. Despite my manger’s inability to get my name right I was hopeful. I was assigned the Early Christian and Western Medieval galleries. These two aren’t exactly the most popular ones and so were a bit easier. I settled in for my first 8 hours alone.

The main thing in these galleries (in terms of protecting) is the floor mosaics. There are four of them in all, with 2 of them being at child level. They seem (apparently) very inviting for kids to touch. One has been damaged and we’re told to pay close attention to that area.

The shift was going pretty smoothly. I’d had lunch and was feeling pretty content. I remember thinking “ah today isn’t too bad, maybe I’ll be okay in this job.” A couple of families made their way into the gallery with the mosaics and I made sure to park myself nearby. Two kids were listening intently to what their adult was saying. Another girl was with a woman. She was paying attention to the little girl and all was okay.

Then the girl (bored or maybe just happy) started to twirl. Now she was with her mom and not near art so I stayed back. I figured I’ll let the mom handle it, so as to not appear to be telling her how to handle her kid. I decided to see what happens and if she did it again without being told to stop I’d step in. She walked on.



I started to step forward. The mom saw her twirling and told her to stop. The girl stopped immediately. The problem? I was nearing her and her hands didn’t stop in time.


Little girl hand meets jimi’s junk.


What came out (softly): ugrherdddddf.

For her part the little girl said sorry as soon as it happened. The mom apologized many times too. You know as I fell into the fetal position on the floor.

Okay it didn’t hurt that bad but it hurt. Those tiny fingers managed to find the right spot to cause most pain.


the one with greaser geese

August 5, 2011

Today I will further chronicle the first week back at work. This is the craziness that happened on day 2 of employment. Feel free to read the trial and tribulations of day 1 here. It is unique in its adventures but really can’t hold a candle to the story I’m about to write here for you.

(I’m not sure why I’m sharing this.)
(Actually I know why I’m sharing—it’s pretty funny.)

So on day 1 I tried walking and it didn’t turn out all too well. The very next day I had to be at work at 5 pm sharp. I decided to take the bus just to get a good start and erase the painful experience of the first day walk. There is still about a 10-12 minute walk to get to the staff entrance from where the bus drops me off.

The bus would be dropping me off at 4:30 (it claims 4:29 but if you’ve been on a bus before you know how that smells goes. If all went to plan I’d get to work with about 15 minutes to spare.

(Why would it go smoothly?)

I wore my work pants but had my blazer and shirt hung neatly on a hanger. I waited for the bus and I waited for the bus. It came late and got me to the stop with about 17 minutes to spare. As I walked (rushed) I decided it would again be best to put my uniform.

(Who needs a phone booth?)

I made my way through the lagoon, greeting the joggers as I did.

(Greeting= grudgingly made eye contact with one of them and nodded.)
(I may have also thought: I hope she isn’t raped/killed and I’m the last person to have seen her.)
(No dear reader I DON’T know what is wrong with me.)

AnyPotentialSVUepisode I continued on. There were two men feeding geese some bread. It was a calm almost pretty scene. I weaved around them, through some trees and kept going on my merry way. Suddenly two geese, wearing leather jackets and carrying switchblades broke from the pack. They started following me. I thought nothing of this as I cheerily, and eagerly thought of work.

(Yeah right.)

They were gaining ground on me and soon began to taunt me. It wasn’t long before they overtook me.

Goose 1: Where you off to?
Goose 2: Hey youse deaf er something? My buddy here asked youse a question.
Goose 1: So where you headed boy?
Me: Work.
Goose 1: Oh, look at him mr. worker. Where you headed?
Me: Work.
Goose 1: You sassing me?
Goose 2: I think he is Hollywood.
Hollywood: Can you believe this Two-bit? He really is sassing me.
Two-bit: He’s sassing you for sure.
Me: No sirs.
Two-bit: You know what Hollywood?
Hollywood: What two-bit?
Two-bit: He looks tasty; bet he tastes better than those Socs.
Hollywood: He does look delicious.

And that’s when I should have run away. Why? That’s when they started trying to eat me. One (Hollywood) even latched onto my messenger bag and simply wouldn’t let go. I sped up (which if you’ve seen me move fast is funny in and of itself.) trying to shake Hollywood off. It took nearly 6 steps (while avoiding two-bit’s bites) to get him off.

(That’s what she said!)

Finally the geese gave up and went off to drown a Soc or save some kids from a fire or something. I still had 6 or 7 minutes of a walk left to get to the entrance. As I hurried along I cursed Zagara’s Market (old employer), this new job, fowl of all kind and the world in general. Those greaser geese had stolen all my extra chill time. I was flustered and happy to just make it into the building. Hot and disheveled I busted through the doorway and right into a group of my new workers. This group included one of my managers.

Day 2 had a shaky (or should I say bitey?) start to it. I can only look back at it and laugh (though not in front of my geese masters of course) and share with all of you. If I didn’t the wifey would anyway. She still laughs about it today.

And what would a blog post here be without some sort of horribly photo shopped picture?


The one where I’m Scrooge McDuck

May 3, 2011

So if you read yesterday’s post (and you did because you are all faithful readers) you know 2 things. One we have an odd marriage (probably already knew that.) and two that I had an interview.

(The interview seemed to go pretty smoothly.)

The day started out like any other with some coffee and then breakfast: Generic Captain Crunch.

Yep Berry Kid’s Crunch.


This of course led to generic top of mouth being crunked up.

That’s fine. It happens. I’ll take it in stride. Oh the cats spilled my coffee? That’s fine. I had to leave anyway. I throw on my Parnell’s hoodie and head on out into the sunny gray Cleveland day.

Are the gray skies an omen? Probably not, I mean Cleveland can be gray. The temp was just right at about 54 degrees. I can dig that. I put my sunglasses away and hit up my Pandora station. I was good to go. I got onto the bus and decided I’d rather read. Off came the headphones and out came the book. I noticed an older couple was eying me.

Old dude: You never see young people reading on the bus.
Old chick: I know. What’s he reading?
Old Dude: Oh it looks like he’s reading Poe!
(Yep it was a collection of Poe stories.)

I got downtown with about 30 minutes to spare before the interview. The sun greeted me as I stepped off the bus. It struggled clawing at the clouds but soon pushed them to the side. With a smile I pulled out my sun glasses. Wearing funky sunglasses always makes me feel better. They seem to boost my confidence. I walked around east fourth soaking the sun and people in. I leaned against a wall to jot a few lines of poetry down.

As I did this a man in an old Cleveland Indians jacket walked up to me. We made eye contact and I knew what was going to come next.

“Hey big man.”

Why do they always start that way with me? You probably know that I’m essentially a smurf. I mean I am small. No matter what guy is asking me for something it’s always “hey big man.” Or “big man let me ask ya something.” Is it just me or do they start the same way with others? Maybe they’re all fans of ironic nicknames? Perhaps they think it’ll make me more likely to give them some change. Maybe they think they’re helping me fulfill some “I wish I was taller” fantasy. It could be they’re calling me fat but that doesn’t seem like a smart technique. I dunno but it never fails.

Dude: Can I ask you for some help big man.
Me: You can but I’m not really in a position where I can help.
Dude: Those other people looked at me like I didn’t exist.
Me: That sucks.
Dude: I just need a couple of bucks today.
Me: I would but I spent all the cash I had on me on my bus pass.
Dude: I’m homeless but I’m still a person.
Me: I agree. I’m sorry.
Dude: I lost my job I just need a couple bucks.
Me: I’d help if I could. I lost my job too, down here trying to get a new one.
Dude: A dollar? Anything?
Me: I would if I had it but I don’t.
Dude: Bullshit you look like Mr. fucking Moneybags.
Me: Well you read me wrong. (I cross the street.)

Yep he had me pegged. I’m a real Scrooge McDuck over here. Now if you’ll excuse me it’s time to go swim in my vault of gold coins.


Excuse me maam: Game time

November 1, 2010

First go check out the latest Monday’s Maniac over at The B Movie Brigade.


Yep. I get called “miss”, “maam” or “her/she” so often that I’ve turned it into a reoccurring segment here. Hooray for easy peasy posts to bore you with. Because if jimi is one thing she’s lazy

Damn. I mean he. Crap. Moving on.

The Cheap Seats is littered with posts about being called a girl. Sift through em if you like.
No? Yeah I feel ya, I was too lazy to get em for you too. Oh well. Hooray lazy. What was the point of this again? I mean other than me wanting to make a stick figure have my head on it.

(Horribly done by the way) Oh there he goes with the parenthesis again. What are those suppose to be an aside or something?

Notice the prominent beard?

Don’t worry nobody else does either. The Rizza, the pole smoker and yours truly had just walked into the crowded lobby area of the Q. She (The Rizza) went off to the “you have a purse so need to be checked out line. We being men went to the quick lanes.

A side note: The Q (Quicken Loans Arena—where the Cavs, Monsters and Gladiators play) and its staff appear to enjoy holding me up. Almost every single time (or actually whenever I attend with the Rizza) they’ve found another reason to slow me down. The pens in my pocket, my belt buckle, a notebook and etc etc.

This night was no different. In terms of holding us up I mean. I walked self assuredly (but with a manly brisk walk!) to the ticket scanner.

“Good evening my dear.” Ticket in one hand pointed at the scanner and keys in my other hand for the security to see as I pass through the detector. I left all pens and belt buckles at home. Success!

“Hmm.” She pulls the ticket into her hand. Scan.
Scan some more.

“I knew I should have brought my personal ticket scanner.” Flash my hairy smile. Her face does not brighten however. “Damnit Jimi did you flash the grimace again instead of the smile?” I thought as she pointed over to the side.

“I’m going to need you to stand off to the side over there sir.” And then she was already on to the next customer.

Soon a squirrely looking guy walked over to her and she talked to him and pointed over at me. “Could you see him please sir.”

“For you anything.” I walked over. He smiled. I smiled (perhaps grimaced?) and the dance began. He took the ticket. He used his big boss ticket scanning scanner and of course our old buddy


Yeah, so he looked at the ticket some more. He scanned it again. Nothing but blrrrp. He looked up into my face and presumably my hypnotizing dark brown eyes. He chuckled.

“HMMM.” A stronger version of their go to answer. He read the ticket and then ripped the bottom part of and handed it back to me.

“Well okay that was fun.”

He looked up at me from the scanner and then tapped “Florence” which is probably not her name but I don’t really care.

“Okay you can go on and let her through now. She’s good to go.”

I tugged my beard once. I tugged a second time. He stood there. She stood there. “Well thank you Flo.” I said as I passed through her line one last time.

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