The one with the lettuce

October 28, 2010

Hello kiddies. It’s time once again for us to delve back into the gross and disgusting. This TMI Thursday happened last night. It usurped the TMI post I had planned to write about. Today would have chronicled the making of Brownaconda: Dead Duck but that can come next week.

No today’s post is by special request by the wife.

It's A Trap Pictures, Images and Photos

I know this. I know it’s a trap. How? Well the reason she wants me to post this is she wants it to shine a bad light on me. She wants all of you to be on her side. It also proves how funny she actually feels it was, and it really was.

Last night was the Cavs home opener. It was a blast. I of course went with (and thanks to) the rizza. We pre-gamed at Cleats because the beers at the Q are 7.25. There we had 2 miller lights and a shot. I guess the blood work that was done earlier helped the buzz because my head was nice and warm when we left. From there we cheered our asses off for our Cavs. They won! This is not the point though. We shared 2 beers. To celebrate we all went to get a drink after the game.

The wifey and I headed home and to our chipotle salad bowl dinner. We watched an episode of HIMYM as we ate. Then we just sort hung around with the tv on. She of course was staying up too late yet again. When she finally decided to head off to slumberland I was still enjoying the remnants of my buzz. I sat on the couch and she straddled me. That’s right.

BOW CHIKA BOW BOW

Finally another TMI sex post. No I’m just kidding. It was just time for a kiss or two, or so I thought. Instead she started to shake my head and face whilst talking to me like I was the cat. She flipped her fingers on my lips to cause the blub blub blub sound. Then a kiss on the cheek and lips and a hug. Soon it was back to the above face shaking.

She is a weird one.

Then one big kiss right on the lips. Hold it. Hold it. And then she opened her eyes wide and held the kiss. Staring creepily into my eyes with her lips on mine. At this point I could feel a piece of lettuce in my mouth so as pay back I pushed it out of my mouth and onto/into hers.

I then said “did it..” when she freaked.
“Yeah it worked! I was hoping that would happen!” But she flipped!

I mean FLIPPED (Probably rightfully so but still it was funny.) Now to be fair I was not attempting to put it in her mouth but you know hey that happens right? She like jumped off and ran off. She ran off through the hallway yelling gross the whole way. Right into the bathroom she went. She started putting water in her mouth and spitting out.

She started to brush her teeth furiously and then even gargled. The whole time she was telling me I was gross and that I was sleeping on the couch. Which only made it seem funnier. I was going to say sorry but she was making me laugh. Then for a second she cracked a smile but then in an ultimate actress stunt began to over exaggeratedly gag.

Exaggerated gag.
Exaggerated gag.

And you guessed it exaggerated gag. We got in bed and she claimed she’d never ever get the thought of it out of her head. It would haunt her for the rest of her life.

Over exaggerated bed gag. (bow chikka bow bow)

Finally she calmed down as she lay in bed. I told her this was too funny not to TMI. She said that I should because then you all could see how disgusting I was, and be mad at me too. This morning I decided I’d rather do the Brownaconda post but she insisted I do this one.

I still maintain it was funny.

*Ackbar photo from Utepeis

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The one that happened because of twitter

August 21, 2010

Wiktionary defines a tweetup:

A real-life meeting organised on the social networking site Twitter.

While I’ve heard this one more than a few times:

“People who have nothing to do meet up with people they tweet when they have nothing to do.”

Both are flawed in that they don’t involve alcohol.

Got’s to have my Jack bishes!

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Anydrinking you may gather from this that I attended a “tweetup” last night. Well that or I spend my Saturdays looking up definitions of things. You know whichever. Probably both of them.

So the legend goes that I had convinced the wifey to go to a local wrestling promotion. It was for Absolute Intense Wrestling (AIW): The World is not Enough. It was being held at a bar in Broadview Hts. The place is called Jockos sports bar. It was pretty understood that she was not going to enjoy it nearly as much as I was.

Side note: She enjoys it more than she lets on.

Anytights this had been planned for weeks. Everything was fine. We were going and I was paying for it. We’d be pretty even when it comes for the tit for tat aspect of marriage. I mean I’ve gone to more than a few musicals just for her.

Compromises bishes!

Then twitter struck. People I dig (and have met before) started planning something. Okay I’d like to see them. I like hanging with them so I have a tiny pause in my plans. No AIW on the 20th! Then they chose my favorite place—Parnell’s Pub.

Damnit.
Then there were more people going.
Damnit.

Then I freaked out about money or you know lack thereof. I figured how I spend my money has to mean something good. Spending money on a ticket for someone who didn’t really want to be there didn’t seem the best way to spend it. Spending money at a place I love, with people I dig did. So I changed my mind. We headed over to Parnell’s at about 7pm. But back that shizzle up for a second. First a bit about my day:

I woke up and made coffee.
Then I went outside to get my paper.
It of course wasn’t there.
I cursed whoever took it. I wished that whoever took it had shards of glass coated in salt shoved in their pee hole.
Looked for a job.
Emailed some jobs.
Wrote some samples.
Reviewed notes for a review I was going to do.
Realized it was time for Yoga.
Did my yoga (45 minutes bishes)
wondered why I use bishes so much did some weights.
I went for a walk. This walk lasted about an hour and a half.

Nowhere in there did you see eat right? Yeah that’s because I forgot to eat. What the heckers?

Uhm did I really just use “what the heckers?”?

So went to Parnell’s and I got to get a nice buzz because I had no food in me whatsoever. It was a fun time. It was cool to hang with Dave and Alicia again. I got to meet some new peeps too.

@willgoldstein
@katatvandy
@AllLacqueredUp
@PuckingGoalie
@tripsdad

It was a good ole time. We stayed till a few minutes after midnight. This of course was problematic since we had no dinner (and I no food all day!) and being midnight not many options. We had not cheated on the diet, but we did last night. Guys pizza to the rescue. I don’t believe this will hinder the diet at all. The next day we are back on track and ready freddy to continue on it.
There were two pictures taken during the fun times:

First there is Admiral Ackbar making sure the sharpie was not a trap.

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Then the bartender took a picture of all attendees:

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Don’t we look so happy?

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It’s a RECAP! or My first week unemployed

March 22, 2010

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Run! Gooo. Get to the choppa! ( I use this so much that I finally added “choppa” to the Microsoft word dictionary.)

I’m sorry I’m mixing my movie jokes again.

So my time as unemployed has begun. Like you couldn’t tell, but I digress. It’s been a weird week. I did some writing which was important. Did I make an all out breakthrough with anything? No, not really. I did do a good chunk of writing though and I managed to make some headway in the mess that is the currently play.

Organization is apparently an important thing.

I’ve made some goals. Goals are good right? I mean in soccer they are so they gotta be for me right? Cleveland Public Theatre (A local theatre here) will be receiving lots of scripts and etc from me in the near future. Also I need to be smart and take part in their ‘Dark Room’. It is held on the second Tuesday of every month and I think will be a great tool for any writer and/or actor. Actors and writers show up to a place where there is free Magic Hat beer (!) and writers bring 10 pages of writing to be read. Everyone gets together and bam just like that writers get to hear what their words sound like. Inconceivable!

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Sorry I did that whole random quote thing again. It does bring me to the next thing I did which was go see The Princess Bride at the @capitolw65th. It is part of their late shift that shows cult classic movies twice a month. It was a good time and provided some nice ‘Put my arm around my wife and laugh time’ that can be hard to come by sometimes. The late shift is a good time and cheap. You get some good times (either because you enjoy the movie or because it’s so bad you enjoy laughing at it) and it only cost 5 bucks. They do a good job of making it a fun time. They’ve had cake, ice cream, candy, dress ups and giveaways.

Most of the week has been sitting on my ass. Which yes has been a good thing but it’s also sucked a bit. The main problem was that the unemployment started right as March Madness did. I’ve not been able to watch all of the games in a long time and did not plan accordingly. The weather was nice enough to take walks but since I went about my routine of writing when I wake up I’d miss the chance. I’d write till it was time for the games to begin and by then it was too late to take a walk. My ass rapidly became sore (That’s what she said!) from sitting so damn much.

St. Patrick’s Day has always been fun for me. This year was one where I didn’t have to take it off to have the fun. The wife made cupcakes that are clear proof of Gods existence.
Or that she makes tasty things. Anycupcake. What she made was chocolate Guinness cupcakes with Irish whiskey Ganache filling and bailey’s butter cream frosting. Defuckinglightful! Dinner consisted of Beef and Guinness stew also defuckinglightful. The night consisted of spending time with Julie, Brandon Lindsay and my lovely wifey at Parnell’s Pub. A real fricking Irish Pub! You don’t get no car bombs or green fricking beer at this place. What do you get? Well I got a shirt that says it has the best head in Cleveland. Yeah!

Oh yeah filed for unemployment.

Beachland Brunch on Sunday with Julie, Marc, Brandon, and the wifey was tasty as ever. The wife and I shared a Bloody Ninja bloody Mary there. Yeah I k now the name is awesome! I’m happy that I’m mixing it up with new people. I don’t have many people I let it and I sort of make it hard to get to know me, but I think my group is expanding.

Yeah Progress!

So to sum up: Filing, Sitting, writing, sitting, sitting, sitting, Drinking, shirt buying, cupcakes, stew, sitting, friends, sitting, reading, writing, basketball, basketball, basketball, soccer, sitting, The Princess Bride, sitting, Brunch, sitting,


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