coworker annoyed (thinks they’re snobby) with a group of visitors.
coworker: is it true what they say about the French?
me: the kissing thing? yeah.
coworker: what are you talking about?
As we start the work day.
me: instead of going to my assigned gallery I’m just going to stand in the atrium and read poetry
manager: like to yourself?
me: no at visitors.
manager: to visitors?
me: no AT them.
And a special one to show why you too wish you were married to me.
Me: (in bed awoken from sleep.) What are you doing? Wifebot: uhm…getting in bed.
Me: you’re like ruining the balance of the world right now.
It’s Tuesday so you know what that means right? It means that damn whimpy owes me for that burger I gave him.
Or you know Post it Note Tuesday. Make your own here. This week it’s love themed because of Valentine’s day.
I work Friday nights (museum stays open till 9) it’s pretty set. I’ve missed lots of art openings and theatre stuff because of it. Don’t even get me started on the fun I’ve missed with the wifebot and or friends. I’ve decided money be damned to be better at taking nights off to really enjoy things. Valentine’s Day I took off and we went to The Stupid Cupid show at Doubting Thomas. It was fun and then we headed for dinner at El Carnicero.
Speaking of El Carnicero: It is delish. We shared among other things the machaca: coffee + ancho braised beef brisket.
I’ve done the open mic at Loganberry books for two straight months. It’s growing and I’m getting better (THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID) If in the Cleveland area check it out.
The wifebot bought me a Bone Palace Ballet by Charles Bukowski for Valentine’s Day. Where? The awesome Loganberry books of course!
We just sped through watching Hannibal season one to be able to start watching it with season two. There are many cooking scenes and now I pretend to cook human too. Love seeing Gillian Anderson (swoon) no matter how brief. Now that we love the show it’ll probably get canceled.
Hope you had a great Valentine’s Day or just a great Friday. Enjoy your Tuesday!
I’ve been slacking on the best of @Overheardohio. Me slacking on this is a big shock to all (one) of you huh? With that in mind (and since January only had 3—though they were pretty funny) I give you a top three for the months of November, December and January.
Honorable mention:
“my mom saw the text where I told my girlfriend I wanted to put pudding on her.”-high schooler @McDonalds
Now my picks for best.
3. “It would be sweet to be jesus. Your parents could never get too mad at you. You’d be mom cut me some slack I’m going to be crucified”
2. Older lady “you’re nuttier than a pet sandsquatch” guy: “a what?” Older lady “a pet sandsquatch…you know a Bigfoot”
And:
1. “You know I’m straight & godly but if my husband’s secretary wanted to have sex I’d let her lesbian me up”–woman drinking a giant margarita
Have any favorites? If in Ohio make sure to follow @overheardohio and send in what you hear. If you don’t live here follow and enjoy.
Conversations with Jimi are generally a glimpse into the very odd place that is my mind. This edition is no different, except you get to delve into the hilarity that is our marriage too. This is a short one and I thought about holding off for TMI THURSDAY. I love this one because it shows how perfectly paired the wifebot and I are.
Set the scene: We were on the couch watching some TV. A commercial comes on for (I don’t even remember really) CSI or NCIS or CSI:NCIS:LMNOP or whatever.
I know it wasn’t NTSF:SD:SUV::
(that show is funny though)
(watch it)
(thank me later)
So this commercial comes on and it’s all dramatical and all.
Commercial: WHAT IF IT HAPPENS TO ONE OF YOUR OWN. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN ONE OF YOUR FAMILY GOES DOWN.
Kat/Jimi (complete unison and both thrusting hands toward respective crotches): YEAH GOES DOWN!
It must be hard (yeah baby!) to see what we have and not be totes envious.
First a little bit of back story. I’ve talked more than a few times about how much I watch wrestling. I believe this is how this initially came about and if it didn’t well maybe I am….
AnyRepressedSexuality my sister was visiting and as we lazed about I put on WWE Smackdown. Now there is a wrestler who when a heel (bad guy) I enjoy. His name is Alberto Del Rio. He plays a heelish, pompous Mexican aristocrat. The story in my head goes my sister made a comment about him being attractive. The wifebot was not onboard. I chimed in with
“Come on Alberto Del Rio is a pretty good looking man.”
If that really isn’t how it started and I simply blurted that out well Lucy gots some splaining to do…
Flash forward to every SINGLE time he would come on the tee vee the wifebot would say “here comes your boyfriend.” Or some variation of that and I’d reply “always with the gay jokes.”
FLASH FORWARD to last week.
I’m watching some wrassling and out strolls ADR. He’s wearing his traditional long black scarf (and he previously would come out with a long white one.) What happens next was pretty funny. The part in parenthesis is what I had heard.
Me: I need a fancy shmancy long scarf.
wifebot: what are you talking about?
me: one of those long fancy scarves.
wifebot: (like his white one) Like your boyfriend’s?
me: yeah!
Her eyes get big, as does her smile. We look at one another.
Pause.
Pause.
Pause.
me: wait did you say boyfriend?
I will never here the end of this. He is pretty handsome.
Way back in the day I took part in something called Post it Note Tuesday. That sort of fell to the wayside and not just on my part. It turns out that people were clamoring for witty internet made sticky notes from yours truly. So back by popular demand post it note Tuesday.
Uh hello?
Okay fine it’s just back. Mostly because the Rizza said she missed them and I figured it’s an easy way to keep my lazy self posting. You can make your own here.
Last week I got 5 rejection letters. 2 of the 5 letters came on the same day.
Yeah that was an emo jimi day.
I saw a posting for making your very own Lando Calrissian moustaches. I’ve now set a new goal for making Lando staches and going around Landorizing peoples and places.
First Katy Perry and this little girl tried. (I barely even noticed Katy’s boobs) and then my coworker on his last night comes over and says “Keep writing that wonderful poetry and stay creative.” Come on people!
So my awesome sister flew up from Florida last week. She apparently brought the snow with her. The temp dropped and the snow fell basically as soon as she landed and on her last day we warmed up (you know to a warm upper 30’s.) It was awesome to have her up here for her birthday and then Thanksgiving.
This could be a post about family, or Thanksgiving or what I’m thankful for but it isn’t. It’s about the awesomeness that is this:
And the added awesomeness of the different reactions it gets. My sister pretty much gave it to me the moment we walked in our door. I of course immediately put it on. Despite the fact that it was probably (slightly) above hoodie weather I wore it out that night. Where to? A special church Thanksgiving dinner that we were guilt tripped invited to attend by her sister. Now we are not church goers but have no problem with churchies—I mean people who attend church.
Me being me I wore it to the dinner. I walked in with it all the way up and the looks were amazing. I’m not a total dick so I unzipped it soon after entering. Then the looks were probably who the heck are these guys but everyone was nice. I left the hood up. The hoodie being up cause the awesome half Peter Parker half Spidey look the comic uses a lot.
See?
On the street I wore it fully zipped but added some pretend web slinging/shooting at buildings and people.
Reactions:
Spidey what’s up?
What the fuck?
Did he just throw something?
A couple people in starbucks tried to snap pics.
The other day I came into work with it fully up and started to unzip it as two managers walked down the hall.
one: Oh it’s Remick.
two: Like you really needed to ask who it was?
I guess since my sister gave it to me this post was about family and what I’m thankful for.
Once when attempting to get into the building for a show my play was a part of this happened.
them: are you one of the artists? me: Yes I’m the playwright. them: so you aren’t an artist? me: that’s debatable.
Well jokes on you sucker because now I’m an artist too. That’s right Cleveland not only do I write bad blogs, poetry and plays but now I make bad art too.
As of late I’ve seen things…
(Dead people)
differently. Not every flash of an idea is solely on the stage or a poem. I’ve become fascinated by how objects can change words. My first foray was for the staff art show. The name of the piece is Hope Springs.
That’s right I have a piece of art in the Cleveland Museum of Art. The staff art show is up through December. Check it out because we have some talented artist there.
And then there is the Altered Octavos show.
This month in celebration of Octavofest, Loganberry Books is holding an altered book show/contest called Altered Octavos. The show is up now in their Annex gallery and runs through October.
For my piece, Jesus Always Bets The Over, I turned a bible into a reliquary.
It explores how football has become the new religion. Apparently cutting up a bible is still shocking to people. The show is pretty sweet and has two other Museum employees. Loganberry Books is awesome. If you get a chance stop by and check it out.
Last week I worked a lot. I mean a lot. In fact I missed an opening of an art show that I had a piece in because I was working. More on that show tomorrow because today I give you another peek into my marriage. Okay it probably says more about me then my marriage. Although honestly she married me so perhaps it really says something about her.
I don’t know. What’s that old saying sometimes a conversation is just a cigar?
What?
Read on at your own risk.
We were talking about important things.
The Government shutdown
paying bills
who was going to make the coffee.
I don’t eggs or something what do I look like memory guy.
The point is we were having a conversation. At the very least it was a semi intelligent one with words and such. As we chatted as married couples tend to the wifebot subtlety looked down at her boobs.
So I grabbed her boobs. I’m pretty sure she screamed. More than likely it was because of the electricity of my touch.
Her: You just grabbed my boobs.
Me: You totally gave me the signal.
Her: What signal?
Me: The “I want you to grab my boobs” signal.
Her: I didn’t.
Me: You did! You looked down like “grab my boobs” that was the signal.
Her: That isn’t a signal.
Way back in August (that really seems far away) my birthday rolled around. It turns out the Miami Marlins were playing the pirates in Pittsburgh on my birthday. The rest of the shillelaghs were on board to come with. We decided to make it a day and then stay the night at a cheap motel and leave in the morning.
It was a beautiful Tuesday. We started the same as all our roadies: with a trip to Luna Bakery Café. It’s a tradition and delicious. On our way we still hadn’t decided where we were going to hit up once there. It was a safe bet it’d be art related. There’s the Warhol museum, the toonseum (cartoon museum–visit it’s awesome!) I’ve never been to the Carnegie Museum of art so it seemed the logical choice but that’s not how we roll. We did a simple equation:
August 6th is jimi’s birthday x August 6th is Warhol’s birthday = going to the Warhol.
We had been to the Warhol before but it had been a while. There were a bunch of different things and many more ways to interact. One way was doing your own screen test.
From the Warhol museum:
Warhol’s Screen Tests, which number approximately 500, are revealing portraits of hundreds of different individuals, shot between 1964 and 1966. The subjects are both regulars of the Factory scene and new visitors—both famous and anonymous. They were all asked to pose to be captured by Warhol’s stationary 16mm Bolex movie camera on silent, black and white, 100-foot rolls of film. Each screen test was exactly the same length, lasting only as long as the roll of film, about 2 ¾ minutes. The resulting films were projected in slow motion so that each lasted approximately four minutes. For exhibition, Warhol strung the Screen Tests together in a sequence, inducing an almost hypnotic reverie that could “help the audiences get more acquainted with themselves,” as he once said.
You know the shillelaghs weren’t going to pass that up. Watch below for some silent, black and white awkwardness.
Posted by ClevelandPoet 
From the cheap seats 