Just a few things. Some (mostly those who are friends with me over on the facespacebook) may have seen these. Worth sharing here because art trickery had been slow.
And then this happened:
(2 guys are talking near a Monet and Manet paintings. I walk past.)
guy 1: can you settle something for us?
guy 2: he says Manet is just a diff way to spell Monet. They’re different people right?
me: you’re both sort of right. There’s a controversial theory that Monet was Manet.
guy 2: what?
me: Monet was Manet just with a fake moustache and a fake scar.
guy 1: That can’t be real
guy 2: Is it?
me: Google a book From Monet to Manet and the madness in between.
guy 1: wow.
guy 2: that is freaking cool.
Oh and also this:
(two visitors walk in and see Portrait of Jean Terford David)
visitor 1: is that napoleon?
visitor 2: looks like him but probably not.
me: you both are sort of right. it is napoleon’s twin brother. yapoleon.
visitor 1: i didn’t know he had a twin!
visitor 2: that is a weird name.
Oh and then:
Visitor: Where do you have the impressionist.
me: actually…our Director has never been a fan of the impressionist and so he’s been trying to weed them out for awhile.
visitor: how can he not like the impressionist?
me: I know? He’s traded them all for like one Goya. It’s not even a good Goya.
visitor: What? That isn’t possible. A museum wouldn’t do it.
me:….
visitor: would they?
me: no you’re looking for gallery 222
visitor: Had me worried.
1. what me creating poetry at work looks like.
2. Snicker-doodle yogurt from Menchies w/ Cap’n Crunch & Fruity Pebbles on top.
3. Me dressed for Bal Ingenieux to support Ingenuity Fest
4. The wifebot and I (with whiskey I brought in my flask) at Bal Ingenieux
5. Chilling with The Flash at Comics are Go on free comic book day.
Hooray it’s May! Here is the top 5 @overheardohio for the month of April.
First almost made the cut (and received a bunch of Retweets): “Your Father and I aren’t paying an arm and a leg to put you through college for you to earn spending money stripping.”
There were some good ones in April so don’t forget to go read them:
“If zombies smoked weed, we’re the fucking cheetos man.”
“I like my mens to be milk white. No white gangstas tho. If they gangsta I might as well date a black dude.”–Black girl on the bus.
“Mother I’m in my thirties I can enjoy looking at women.”-Guy at grocery store after checking out a woman.
“I’m quality. You the dollar store to my @walmart.”
“You can get a blow job or a birthday cake but not both tonight” – woman on cell phone.
Another glimpse into the ride that is jimi and kat.
I’ll set the scene. We’ve just pulled into a Walgreens parking lot. I get out but the lovely wife doesn’t. I think she may have been sending a text. I decide since I’m out I’ll be a gentleman and walk around to open her door for her.
1. A blurry Señor Mango.
2. My celebratory cigar (A tasty Dominican.) This poem was what I was celebrating.
3. The wifey sharing the cigar. It went out while she did.
4. The wifebot and I at the Patent Pending show at Peabody’s.
Bonus: Video of Patent Pending rocking faces off with “Shake weights and moving crate” in Cleveland
This happened late last week but I saved it for a TMI Thursday. No story to post–just a text conversation. Some of you may know I happen to call pooping “filming a movie”. I may or may not (occasionally) name my poops after movies. At the museum the other day I was sad to discover that filming was set to begin. Afterwards this text happened:
me: I just took the Ben-Hur of poops. wifebot: Grooooooossssssss!
me: Brown-Hur
wifebot: Ew.
Are these all I really do now? I’ve been really bad about the writing part. At least the pictures are fun and there are some stories in the cooker. I should probably stop trying to cook them because they taste like crap.
(Rim shot)
I do have some post to share and hope to get those out. Until then pictures!
1. Me in the break room after I attempted to write. There were some loud annoying people in there breaking my spirit.
2. Admiral Ackbar at the “speed art(net)working” event. His pitch? “It’s a trap!”
3. Admiral Ackbar carrying an injured Stiller #2 (I may have to post all about Stiller.)
4. Me next to Calder’s Stegosaurus outside The Toledo Museum of Art
5. Next to Pinkerton by Jun Kaneko at The Toledo Museum of Art Glass Pavilion
6. Outside (with Hipstamtic) of The Toledo Museum of Art
1. my current reading stack: Speaking with the Angel, Stealing Rembrandts, The Subterraneans (rereading), Breakfast of Champions (rereading), Crisis on Infinite Earths, American Gothic: Sixty years of horror cinema
Time once again for the best Overheardohio. March provided quite a lot of them. Check them all out. Before we start we’ll give an honorable mention to one. This one is just too specific to Cleveland (and too funny) not to post.
Honorable mention:
“look at me I’m a CHEF! I do CHEF things. I’m so quirky & lovable! Please think I’m quirky. That’s my impression of Cleveland Chefs”
Ready for the top 5? Here we go:
“There’s a thunder storm brewing all right, it’s in your butt.”–woman to the man she was walking with.
“Come on feel them noids, girls ride your boys!”–Drunk Affliction guy butchering the lyrics to ‘Cum On Feel the Noize’
“Girl, I done told you to keep your hand out of your lady cave.”-woman to child with her hand in her pants.
Guy1: “Look how that one be sucking on that straw. MMMM girl.” Guy2: “That’s a dude.” 2 guys at McDonalds
And number one:
“This baby been nicer inside me. When you was in you were the worst. I wished I ended it sometimes” –Pregnant women to kid as they walked.
1. Swiss chard and sweet potato gratin made by the wifebot.
2. Starbucks Refresher: Raspberry Pomegranate. Made w/ green coffee bean extract.
3. The wifey in her newly made doily hoodie.
4. Soccer ball bank. Columbus Crew ticket seed money?
5. Glitter Easter egg that a coworker gave me. I’m not sure why.
6. Heart shaped bird poo.
7. Godzilla at Big Fun.
8. Note to self on left over Animal Frites from Greenhouse Tavern
9. Bombshell Blonde Ale at Greenhouse Tavern 10. Coventry Arch
Posted by ClevelandPoet 
