the one with a super bowl grudge match

February 1, 2015

It’s Super Bowl Sunday. Which means different things to different people.

Why did I go to the grocery store today! or
Man the grocery store sure is empty right now what’s going on? or
Commercials! or
FOOD! or
Katy Perry’s boobs (me because I really don’t want to root for either)

and the list could go on and on. Here at the Remick household it means it’s time for the historic-traditional-bi-tri-semi-annual-first time really Super Bowl grudge match between my cats and the wife. In it I have the wife use whatever scientific method she has to pick a winner. Next I write Patriots/Seahawks on pieces of paper. I throw the papers down in front of each cat and see which they pick.

(SCIENCE!)

Tensions have been running high. There’s already been two brawls and a soliciting a prostitute arrest(no names!)

It’s katsleep     VS   csonkatongue VS      RASPEYES

FEROCIOUSLY COMPETITIVE!

wifebot: Seattle
Csonka: Seattle
Rasputin: Patriots.


The one where I start a new league

February 6, 2012

So apparently the Super Bowl was on a couple of days ago. I actually knew that, even if a few weeks ago, I made plans to watch a silent film at the Cleveland Cinematheque at the very same time the game was going to be on. Luckily we switched the date to watch The Fall of the House of Usher to the Saturday before. I was free to sit back and cheer against Tom Brady and his dumb bowl haircut.

In what should have been posted beforehand news: I started the cat vs. cat vs. wife pick ‘em league. First match up was the Super Bowl.

I attempted to film this for hilarity, but it really failed. I do hope to work it in the future though. It went something like this:

Me: (Dropping two crumpled up pieces of paper on the ground: one says NY, the other NE) Now get them!

(Rasputin just looks.)

Me: Damnit.

(I throw them again. This time the left over paper falls off of the table, and he runs for those.)

Bastards! I will make this work!

AnyNonAgreeableCats, here were the results.

Csonka: Giants
Rasputin: Patriots
Wife (aloud – I did not make her chase paper): Patriots

So Csonka races out to the lead. Although when Tom Brady and the Patriots lose, doesn’t everyone?

Next up will be the NBA All Star game. Stay tuned.

Hello?


The one where I get climbed on

July 27, 2010

Today would normally be Post it Note Tuesday. Then I woke up and went outside to get the paper. The Plain Dealer that should have been out on the front steps. You know the paper that some ass clown was now off reading. Thieves! I will kill you MoFo’s. How dare you steal my Wednesday paper?

Oh wait. These days really do blend together. I had fully expected to do some. I even scribbled some down on actual post it notes last night. I had about 6 of them written in my autistic chicken scratch. Yes I meant to post some-a few whining/ranting about writing. Something happened late last night/early this morning that changed that.

The wife and I made the whoopee—I know you have two questions right now.

Made “the whoopee”?

And

Do I think it’s Thursday and so I’m busting out a tmi post?

Yeah I don’t really have an explanation for “the whoopee.” I guess it was to soften the blow of telling you we had sex. I now it is Tuesday and I know it’s not Thursday because I haven’t read the Wednesday paper yet. No more questions and turn that camera off!

Anypapertellsmewhatdayitis this post is what happened after the squeaking bed action. The fun finished about 1:45am or so. I’ll spare you the start time of the sexy shenanigans. Flash forward to sometime after 4 am. I woke up from a weird dream that started me thinking about the play I’m trying to fix. As I lay there thinking to myself about plots and characters weirdness happened.

First our kitty Rasputin who was sleeping above the wife’s head on her pillow began to stir. He got up meowed at me and pushed his head into my hands. After maybe a minute of petting him by my side he decided to crawl over me. As he did his nail grazed my leg and he slipped trying to get over me. Finally he paused for a second on my stomach and then slowly slipped off the bed to the floor and out the bedroom.

It was about this time that my wife began to stir in her sleep. I don’t know what happens to her when she sleeps but she seems to be disturbed a lot. She sort of groaned in her sleep and I rubbed my hand over her head and in her hair. I always feel that maybe I can comfort her quietly and softly and it’ll help her. Sometimes this appears to work and sometimes it appears to trigger her talking/moving in her sleep. I dunno. I just feel bad and can’t help but attempt to comfort her.

Anyschmoop she sat up and mumbled something. I rubbed her leg and told her to lie back down. Next thing I know she’s trying to climb over me. I’m all “finally she’s gonna sleep sex!” Oh that joke is so wrong. Then bam right into my leg goes her toe nail. She hovers over me on my stomach and I tell her to go back to real sleep. She says something about following Rasputin and then slides off of me onto the floor. She stands in the bedroom doorway for a second. Our kitty comes back in climbs on me and plops down by my feet. Then the wifey turns around says something I don’t understand and then climbs over me. She stops on me again says she’s stuck and sort of laughs before climbing off me and back to her side of the bed. Then she goes right back to sleeping normally and peacefully. As she is getting ready for work she half remembers it and asks if she climbed on me.

I of course ponder telling her that she forced me to have sex with her as she rode me.

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Conversations with Jimi Volume the 6

March 17, 2010

Here we have another edition of conversations with Jimi. Today we discuss many a thing or at least some of these are moderately brought up in the bits of convo. Wil Wheaton, facials, hulk hogan point, cat butts and so on. Hell there is even something about a fictional character having sex with a child star if you’re into that kind of thing. Oh man you are aren’t you?

Damn perverts. Happy St. Patrick’s day.

Wifey: one of the things I wanted or my birthday was a facial….
Me: (giggle)
Wifey: and a mani…
Me (still giggle giggle)
Wiey: Pedi….I knew you were going to do that.
*********************************************************************************
Our kitty Rasputin walks over to the wife as she dozes on the couch.
Me: Stick your butt all up in her grill Rasputin.
*********************************************************************************
Commercial with a guy with an accent comes on.
Wifey (with accent): “was that a talking dog?”
Me: RACIST! (Hulk Hogan hand point at her)
Wifey: mmmm hmmm.
Me: Yes!
*********************************************************************************
(First some clarification: I started this to talk about the way he tweets)

Me: Whil Wheaton has a little bit of Data in him.
*We both laugh*
Wifey: That’s wrong he was just a boy!
*********************************************************************************
(The wife sings a song from a musical)
Me: What the hell?
Wife: Do you know where that’s from?
Me: Is it cats?
Wife: No. It’s about show business.
Me: Is it cats?
Wife: No.
Me: Oh..is it cats.
Wife: That’s not about show business.
Me: Is it cats?
Wife: No. (sings it again) You don’t know it?
Me: Wait is it….was it….uhm…was it…
Wife: If you say cats we’re divorced.
Me: No….that play about aids….
Wife: Rent?
Me: No…well yes but no…they one written by…the one with Angels…written by Tony Chalupa?
Wife: Angels in America by Tony Kushner. No. It’s a chorus line.
Me: What the hell is that? I still think its cats.
*********************************************************************************
(And a short one from work to honor its memory)

Coworker: and I’m usually somebody who follows the rules…all of them….you know?
Me: I’m the same way.
Coworker: Oh yeah?
Me: Yes very.
Coworker: Me too..your pulling my leg.
Me: No. right down the line of the letter of the law. That’s me.
Coworker: Oh okay…
Me: I mean strict rule follower that’s me.
Coworker: You’re yanking my leg.
Me: No. I’m a rule lover.
Coworker: He’s just yanking my leg…


Post it Note Tuesday Vol. 6

January 26, 2010

So I skipped Post it note Tuesday (oh man I think I may need to refer to it as PINT from here on out!) Yeah I skipped it because I wrote about a gajillion of them the day before and then lost the sheet of paper I wrote them on. Okay it was really just like 5 of them but they were good. I think. Anypint I didn’t want to rush like 6 day of so I did a little skipola. All that being said it’s time once again. Here I go again on my own. Walking down the only road I’ve ever known. Like a drifter I was born to walk alone……what? Yeah I did just break out a White Snake reference for no real reason at all. I mean seriously it had nothing to do with the PINTS. Just read em if ya like.
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And then I came on her cat: TMIT

October 29, 2009

Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
TMI Thursday

Full disclosure this is not a personal story. That’s right I stole it. I’ll pause while you gasp and shake your head disapprovingly. Some gasping/shaking your head disapprovingly viewing: Not so much for the faint hearted. I mean nobodies leg should ever do that!

Okay back to our regularly scheduled program. I decided to go with this story because it is pretty funny. I’ve justified using this persons story without asking them with the fact that A.) They told this to a group of their horrified coworkers and B.) There will be no way someone will get it who it is unless they’ve heard the story.So this guy who is we’ll say in his forties decides to regal us of a story of what he thought was going to be his greatest feat ever. There will be quotes but only some of them will be real.

“So I’m like 26 right and I got this broad that you know she’s cute and all. I mean we bang and all that but she’s really just on the side kind of thing. Her HAMS

(yeah he called her boobs hams!)

are out to here. I mean giant. So one day we’re banging—well just fooling around at first. Playing with her hams

(why??)

and all getting it all ready and shit. The problem is my dick it just won’t really get all the way hard. I’m freaking out down there and shit but won’t let her at it. So I keep at her hams and I’m rubbing her good down there, and when she tries to get in my pants I do something drastic. I head down south on her you know? I go to town on her down there—she really freaking gets happy cause I would never do it for her before

(what a caring lover)

but I had to. So after minutes of that she says fuck my ass. Well that wakes me up and of course I do. So I bang her right and then I cum way too fast and all her back, but she didn’t care. We kind of rest and it’s still up so we get back at it. I’m on top of her now and slamming away. Harder than ever. I mean she’s screaming and I’m sweating. I just can’t cum, so I keep slamming away and then its building in me you know? So I pound away. I don’t even see her anymore I’m just pounding. She feels more cushiony (I think he used cushiony it may have been something else but pretty sure it was cushiony) than ever. Anyway as I’m thinking this is the greatest fuck I’ll ever give she says Are you still in? I blink still thrusting and look down. I’m fucking her bed, that’s when I came on her cat. That little shit always tried to stay on the bed when we fucked.

This disturbed me on so many levels it’s not even funny. The way he ended the story (as it is here) really made it sound like he had been accidentally fucking her cat, but he assured us that was not the case. Apparently it went something like this:
cat gets it2


Bozo of the week and football say what?

October 9, 2009

Perhaps since bozo the clown is always top on the search list of what brings peeps to my blog maybe I should call it the Bozo of the week. Hmmm. Ah the potential….

Bozo/catch of the week/will come up with a better title is:

clowndave

Dave Grzyb

So football is big in some places we can agree on this yeah? Real big, especially in places like Texas, Mississippi and of course Alabama. This little gem comes to us from Alabama. Now I’ll start with acknowledging this was probably just some nothing spat, and both sides didn’t press charges. That may be the case. It may not be. On to the story though. Way back in August at the start of the Alabama Football season there was an altercation between a Bama football player and his then girlfriend. It basically went like this: A crazy person woman slapped her roided up musclehead football playing boyfriend because he was talking to another girl. So far everything is so logical…..right. He then grabbed her by the hair and neck and apparently tried to shove her down she freed herself (doesn’t bode well for The Bama defense if he couldn’t tackle her huh?) and swung/missed him. Both were promptly arrested. Flash forward to her dad (Dave Grzyb) and he’s pretty pissed at said player right? No, he is very supportive of him. He called the coach to defend him and also said this:

“I hate to see this guy get in too much trouble because I honestly think it was probably initiated by my daughter. I don’t think he laid a hand on her. He just tried to restrain her to keep from getting hit again.”

After the court hearing where both cases were tossed he covered her from the media but turned to them and yelled “Roll Tide” before exiting. Now that is some fan huh? Guess fan really is taken from fanatic huh?

As we left India Garden last night the topic turned to first Kellen Winslow or scrotal staph and then Braylon Edwards. Keep in mind I was with Lindsay (@lviboheme) and the wife (@kittenkaboom) and to say neither could care less about football is a vast understatement. My wife started to explain about Braylon Edwards to Lindsay using all the appropriate terms (No not block for hands or incompletions but wide receiver), which is funny in of itself. Lindsay didn’t care and this brought out the fact that neither of them can understand/follow/learn the rules of football. Believe me people have tried. I really don’t understand this because the rules really aren’t that difficult to grasp and I consider them to be very smart. I’d venture to say 3x smarter than I am and I can easily grasp it. It really boils down I suppose to the fact that they simply don’t care. I mean they watch soccer and understand that. In truth though the rules there are a bit more simplistic.

Run 50 yards this way kick the ball to the other guy wearing the same shirt you are he runs 15 yards sideways and then misses the goal by 6 feet.

Oh!

Rim shot please!

I kid. I kid. I love the footy, and that really wasn’t that funny. Is this live? Oh.

A new segment starts today and that is my wife vs. my cats in football pick em.

I will ask my wife and she’ll pick however she does, and then the cats will have the options to play with 2 pieces of paper. One will represent one team and clearly the other piece the other team.

First pick (no video cause the battery needs charging):

Louisiana Tech vs. Nevada

A few tidbits on the two teams:

LA Tech: Colors: Red and (Tech?)blue Nickname: Bulldogs. One of Tech’s great traditions is the players rubbing a bronze bulldog statue commemorating Tech’s entry into Division 1A football as they enter the stadium

Nevada: Colors: Blue and silver Nickname: Wolfpack Alphie: Nevada’s wolf mascot. Alphie replaced cousin “Wolfie” as the institution’s mascot earlier this decade following Wolfie’s reign that began in the 1970s.

Wife: La Tech

Csonka: Nevada

Rasputin: La Tech


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