the one with frowning

August 26, 2014

Friday nights can be interesting at a museum. No, not because something like Night at the Museum happens.

(I wish I had 50 bucks for every time I was asked that.)
(I get asked it a lot!)

It’s fun to play spot the awkward first date night. Friday nights the people to have more of an energy than other nights. This lends itself to a little more snark than usual as well. I don’t mind this too much as long as it’s good-natured. I can give it as good as I take it. Last Friday:


A woman is in the gallery looking up at one of our Alexander Calder pieces. Alexander Calder was a sculptor best known for the mobile. /End Art Lesson. We have two mobiles out. The two are about 2 rooms apart. She stood under the second one. I walk in.

her: I blew on the first one and got it to move. let’s see if I can do it to this one.
me: actually that is rather frowned upon.
her: just frowned?
me: you wouldn’t like me when I’m frowning.


Next thing I remember is waking up wearing torn purple pants on.


hey there Monet have you seen Manet?

May 21, 2012

Just a few things. Some (mostly those who are friends with me over on the facespacebook) may have seen these. Worth sharing here because art trickery had been slow.

And then this happened:

(2 guys are talking near a Monet and Manet paintings. I walk past.)
guy 1: can you settle something for us?
guy 2: he says Manet is just a diff way to spell Monet. They’re different people right?
me: you’re both sort of right. There’s a controversial theory that Monet was Manet.
guy 2: what?
me: Monet was Manet just with a fake moustache and a fake scar.
guy 1: That can’t be real
guy 2: Is it?
me: Google a book From Monet to Manet and the madness in between.
guy 1: wow.
guy 2: that is freaking cool.


Oh and also this:


(two visitors walk in and see Portrait of Jean Terford David)

visitor 1: is that napoleon?
visitor 2: looks like him but probably not.
me: you both are sort of right. it is napoleon’s twin brother. yapoleon.
visitor 1: i didn’t know he had a twin!
visitor 2: that is a weird name.


Oh and then:

Visitor: Where do you have the impressionist.
me: actually…our Director has never been a fan of the impressionist and so he’s been trying to weed them out for awhile.
visitor: how can he not like the impressionist?
me: I know? He’s traded them all for like one Goya. It’s not even a good Goya.
visitor: What? That isn’t possible. A museum wouldn’t do it.
visitor: would they?
me: no you’re looking for gallery 222
visitor: Had me worried.

Things I get asked

November 9, 2011

I work with the public which means two things. A.) I get asked a lot of questions. B.) I get asked a lot of DUMB questions. Don’t even get me started on things my coworkers say. I’ve decided to list the top 5 questions I get asked. These are not all dumb questions but they do get annoying. After the list I’ll share some of the random questions I get.

5. How do I get out of here?
4. Do you have to guard the same gallery all the time?
3. Are these the originals?
2. Doesn’t this job get boring? (This is rapidly catching up to #1)
1. Where is the nearest restroom?

Fastest way to The Mona Lisa? They didn’t like my “by plane” answer.

Where do you keep the originals? “My Mother in Law’s basement.”

Can I smell it? They wanted to sniff Oldenburg’s Giant tube of toothpaste.

Why can’t I touch it?

Will I be safe in here after dark?

You don’t get paid do you? “It doesn’t feel like I get paid.”

Are there any paintings here?

How do I get my work in here? “Die tragically probably.”

Do you ever wish you can stay in here overnight?

Can you help me find a painting, it has lots of colors.

Fun Friday 9-11-09

September 11, 2009

Before I get to Fun Friday I aim to say a few things I learned while getting drunk watching a show at the Grog Shop. I will start by saying this post is being written whilst sipping coffee and enjoying the fact that I’m still feeling drunk the next morning. This is the equation.

5 jack and gingers + 1 jack and coke (I forgive you Marty) + ½ Strongbow + 2 shots of Jameson + good friends +not having to be at work till 2:15 –a hangover (lucky this time I guess) = win

1. @kittenkaboom and @lviboheme ruin all my twitpic fun by nitpicking (and not liking) almost every picture and therefore I can never send it.
2. This hat: Vermont Roadie 101

Everyone wants it. Every time I wear it someone tries to take it for the nite or for the weekend.
3. I’ve kind of become no fun. I rant about work too damn much. This is especially true when I’ve not seen you for a long time.
4. It will always be funny when a band sings poorly “I looook like my mom” and I respond with “and singggg like my dog.”
5. If you cover the stage with lamps and a nightstand with books don’t fret when I yell “read from one of the books.”
6. My dinosaur nose (Linzi and I have settled with Triceratops) is often confused with a wolf nose for some reason.

Okay now on to this week’s Fun Friday:

The Cleveland Museum of Art’s Chalk Fest.

Saturday September 12, 11:00 a.m.–5:00 p.m.
Sunday, September 13, noon–5:00 p.m.
Fine Arts Garden

This was an idea offered up by the lovely Linzi. It sounds real interesting even if I’ve not decided I’m going to give up my day to watch football and fútbol. It is a two day event though I do not mean to imply any Clevelander should be anywhere other than watching the Brown’s home opener at 1PM on Sunday. There are plenty of other times to go though. It has an interesting history. This is from the CMA website:

The I Madonnari Chalk Tradition
In 16th-century Italy, beggars, using chalk on the plazas outside cathedrals, copied paintings of the Madonna by Raphael and his contemporaries. With these street painters, called I Madonnari (painters of the Madonna), an artistic tradition was born. Today I Madonnari festivals are held annually in Europe, Africa, and the United States. In 1990 our festival brought this Renaissance tradition to Cleveland.

The event itself is free (this should read FREE) but if you want to draw it’ll cost you.

Chalk Your Own Pictures
Large square and 24-color box of chalk: $16 each
Small square and 12-color box of chalk: $8 each

Individuals, families, schools, and neighborhood groups are all invited to participate. Children under 15 must be accompanied by supervising adults. Sign up when you arrive. Groups are encouraged to pre-register by calling 216-707-2483 by Wednesday, September 9. Non-paid advance registrations will be held until 1:00 Sunday. Hell if anything be inspired by the drawings, go out and buy you some chalk and do it in random places. Take pictures if you do!

Enjoy your Friday and your weekend. Go Browns!

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