donks, cops, creepy uncles and puking on books

July 1, 2011


What’s this? Posting the best of Overheard Ohio for June on the first day of July? It’s a miracle! If you’re not following it on twitter, what the hell is the matter with you?

(You may be what we like to call “a bit touched” in the head. See a doctor about that.)

Without further insult (seriously I love you guys.) here are my favs in no particular order:

“Yeah she was hot but I think she was the one who took a crap by the bed.” –dude drinking @XYZtheTavern

“I told this white dude that SMH meant slicing my hand and those who say it are really depressed.”

“maybe I could become a doctor but you wouldn’t give me no dollar for the bus.” guy not wearing shoes to dude who wouldn’t give him change.

“My Uncle asked me to pick up some “supplies” when I went grocery shopping but his list was: Pepto-Bismol and condoms.”–Girl in parking lot

“Is this the bookstore that you puked on the books in the science fiction section that time you got wasted on @molsoncoors at like 3pm?”

Mom-“this is kind of a ghetto area” Son-“Well mom its not like we’re gonna get out of the car & have a fucking picnic”

“Not every cop is trying to fuck you in the ass guys.”–cop to some young guys.

“Son that is what we call a donk.”–Older guy to his son about a woman getting off the bus.

Jimi’s pussy twofer or TMI Thursday

December 17, 2009

Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
TMI Thursday

This one isn’t really too much info but it is pretty gross and semi humorous in the lets enjoy jimi’s suffering way. I was set to get back to the sex type TMI posts but there was some divine intervention. Actually it was more like kitty intervention.

The following takes place between 6:15 and 6:45am

The alarm went off at 6:15 and I nicely and very pleasantly tried to wake the wifey up (it was set for her after all.) She like always did not want to wake up. So after the alarm going off two more times it was 6:45 before she trudged out of bed. I readied to go back to sleep as she stamped sleepily through the bedroom, until suddenly she burst out with a loud “ahhhh!” She turned the light on and informs me she just stepped on “The mushiest pile of cat throw up ever.” So because of the wifey stepping on (what she just added on the phone was also the coldest one she’s ever stepped on) some cat puke I’m putting the story of the minty blowjob on hold. You can thank me later family.

The first case (and main gross/bother) did take place in the bedroom though. See I try to keep it sexy for you all. You can’t tell it but I’m making bedroom eyes at every single one of you right now. I’m also naked. Okay I’m not actually naked….or am I? No I’m not. Where the hell was I? You people really need to stop distracting me! It was bed time and the wife and I were ready for bed at an early hour for a change. She had made her way into bed before me and was comfortable under her forty three covers (it is crazy how she sleeps.) I slide in under the cover and as I move around trying to get comfortable (not trying to position a pillow between my legs so one foot doesn’t touch the other cus that’d be weird) I kicked something. It was small and hard. Whatever I was sleepy. Fuck it right? I move and there is more. I get up turn the light on and then stupidly stick my hand in blindly anyway. My hand crunches one thing and then smushes another that something slick slides up under my finger nail. I move the covers to find a long trail of puked up meow mix. It had to be there for a while because it was a semi hard/semi soft brown and yellow chain of chewed up cat food that appeared to form a DNA strand. Needless to say I cursed my kitties as I cleaned it off and went back to bed.

The next story happened just a few weeks ago. I was sitting in the living room avoiding preparing to get ready for work. We have this small table right in front of the couch, and to put my shoes on I pushed it forward. I grabbed my sock and was about to put it on when something on tv distracted me. I put my foot down and it landed with a squish. It was a small hill of cat throw up lovingly left for me. It was cold and slipped and slid between my toes. There was nothing to wipe it off on so I curled up my toes and went off to get some paper towels. Of course when I put my left foot down right in front of the couch what happened? Yeah I stepped in (with my clean foot) into a steaming pile of reanimated meow mix. It was a twofer for jimi. A reenactment:


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