the one with rodents, pirates and robots

October 31, 2011


Sorry I woke up at 6:15 this morning for no real reason and appear to be a little hyper. That will end soon I’m sure. I’ve been gone a while but I couldn’t pass up posting on Halloween. I sort of dived into working poetry and poetry alone. When not creating new poems I was working on unfinished ones. Plus the manuscript and started a separate manuscript for a chapbook of wrestling themed/inspired poetry. More on that another time.

It is Halloween though so get over to B Movie Brigade and find some good (or bad) movies to watch.

How have I been keeping myself busy at work? Well, when there is down time I walk around my gallery trying to speak to ghosts. There are all sorts of stories about haunting there and I shall be your investigator. When my gallery is empty I walk around saying:

“Are there any spirits here? If you are here would any of you like to speak to me?” and etc etc.

As you may know (should) we are big into Halloween. Kat is an awesome costume maker. This year we went with a Princess Bride theme. She was Westley/The Dread Pirate Roberts and I was a Rodent of Unusual Size (R.O.U.S) and it was awesome.



And we hung out with our robot buddy Lindsay


What I learned from last week

October 25, 2010

What I learned from last week:

I’m working on a piece for here that simply refuses to cooperate. So until then a short little review thang. Mostly I just wanted an excuse to show the picture at the end. Enjoy bitches!

I like to get glassware. Well to be fair I already knew that. Let’s just say it was reaffirmed. It was Cleveland Beer week and many of the events gave away glasses.

I have a problem with The Red Hot Chilli Peppers. This was also not too much of a revelation but as of late I find myself changing the station when they come on. I’ve even groaned one time. It is not that I don’t like them—well at least I did like them. I dunno. I just change em right off the bat now.

I miss painting my nails. Sort of. It causes such a stir still. It just sucks having to take time to do it. It does help me avoid writing though.

God has a sense of humor or irony. The other day in the spirit of spirit day (haha get it) I painted my nails purple. T o show my support of the lgbt (or anyone actually) anti bullying campaign. Not an hour after that I went for my daily walk. Not even 20 minutes into the walk I got heckled by some guy.

Painting your nails makes you “some sort of faggot” See above.

Dracula (1931), Bela Lugosi and Dwight Frye will trump college football. I was going to watch the 2nd half of scheduled college football games but then saw Dracula was playing. Yeah I missed some football for the time it was on.

That I can be ninja like. This may come as a surprise to those of you who have seen me but it is true. Whilst visiting the former employer (to see people I like only) I proved it on more than one occasion. There were former higher ups that I did not want to deal with and each time they came near me my hood was up in a jiffy. Or I was dipping and bolting behind things and it was all avoided.

I still dig meeting people I’ve met because of twitter. Two more off the list: @Q104Rebecca and @BrewersDaughter

That I want halloween soda!


Jones Soda co. makes it and it be tasty, but of course I’m on a diet.


The above hat was one of the best buys ever. Ninja Turtle hat FTW

Wow I didn’t really learn anything of consequence did I? Shut up! You learn anything last week?

Enter Produce Man

November 2, 2009

So this is late but I’ve been so damn sick and I don’t even get to be all cool and say it’s Swine flu. I have been thinking about wearing my pig nose around though and saying it is. Here it is very late but whatever. I got quite the reaction from people on the bus: 2 people actually took pictures of me. At work everyone seemed rather amused especially customers (who also took pictures). How many? 8 different pictures taken (including 3 coworkers). The store managers laughed and laughed (and I’m horrified they think it meant that I’d fallen in love with the new position). If that is the case and you are reading this: Dont be a dumb shit I hate it, the store and you! Whew got that out of the way. Finally the unveiling of Produce Man!

The produce is real by the way. The costume consists of green beans, radishes, mustard greens and bananas.

His theme song:

Yo Produce!
He’ll fight for freedom where ever there’s trouble.
Produce Man is there.

It’s Produce Man against Cobra the enemy, a totally different enemy than from that cartoon.
Fighting to save the day.
He never gives up.
He’s always there,
Fighting for freedom over land and air

Produce Man- A real American hero
Produce Man is there

Produce Man is the codename for American’s daring, barely trained
super hero.
His purpose, to defend human freedom against Cobra-
remember a different ruthless, terrorist organization determined to rule the world.

He never gives up.
He’ll stay til the fight’s won.
Produce Man will dare.

Produce Man- A real American hero

Not much is known about this mysterious and witty super hero, but there are certain stories that continue to pop up. This is the most likely. Near the end of his shift a lowly produce clerk was approached by a woman. She inquired about peaches and he nicely explained to her there were no more. She fell into hysterics and demanded he check in the back. This lowly clerk tried to tell her that they were no longer in season when suddenly the air grew cold. The lady began scratching at his face and chest. She grabbed 2 bottles of veggie clean that were nearby and began spraying him mercilessly. He was left in a pool of veggie clean and his own blood. Slowly and shockingly he began to heal, but to his horror vegetables of all kinds were flying to and clinging to him. To this day not much is known about the powers he gained that frightful night but they’re probably cool, or at least veggie related. If your ever in trouble and near the produce section he’ll probably help.


Creep my boss out #3/I won’t be bitter bobby anymore

October 8, 2009

I’ll start with the how I made my boss feel awkward moment. It has been a while since I’ve been able to do this (because I’d avoid contact with all of them). Anyways as I was in the Produce backroom (I need to come up with a fun name like Veggie Cave or something) our Store Manager came in with a pumpkin. Apparently he wanted me to carry it out to the front where it belonged (even though he was going that way). So as I did he came along (Why?). This happened :

SM: It was in seafood. It can’t be there.
Me: Well maybe we could put some fins on it. (in my head)Damn why did I open up to friendly banter!
SM (Smiling): When you look at this pumpkin what do you see? Ohhhh I bet it’s something good.
ME: Uhm a pumpkin?
SM (confused): OH. Nothing creative? Like I bet like a hatchet coming out of it’s face?
ME: Nope just a pumpkin.
SM: Oh.
(Silence and then he walks off)

Now it isn’t the typical weird him out but I’ll take it, and it was fun. Yesterday at work I realized something. It came out of a (what I thought) was a harmless conversation. I was back in the cooler (before the awkward manager moment) and I was explaining to Marcia the back story of Produce Man. What is it you ask?

One day near the end of shift he helped a customer. She wanted to know if there more pears, but unfortunately there were none. When he told her this sad news she snapped. There were several bottles of veggie wash nearby and she proceeded to spray him with it repeatedly. He being a nice fellow stood there and took it, letting the veggie wash to seep into his eyes and pores. Later that evening he began to notice a change. He vowed to use his newfound powers (to this day unknown) for good.

Wow for the first time something sounds much better when I just winged it than when I wrote it. I’ll work on that. Anyhoo after that I told her how I came up with a back story for my move to Produce. I grow tired of telling people (who for some reason are still asking) the real reason. It goes as follows:

One night I stumbled upon a DVD of Veggie Tales and watched it. I was so taken aback by it that I immediately went to my Store Manager and begged to be switched to the Produce Department.

Now I thought this was mildly amusing but Marcia slapped me. It sort of was like this:

Except I’m not a chick and it was nothing like that at all. It was more of a metaphorical slap. What actually happened was as I left the backroom she said “wow, you really are bitter about what happened.” To quote Smee I had an apostrophe…it was like lightning struck me brain. Yeah vague Hook reference! I was floored. I sort of mumbled before leaving and then after filling the apples (I know and now I’m writing too!) My store manager tried to convince me putting up apples was creative almost like writing so I’d enjoy it. I returned to the conversation.

Me: Do you mean I sound bitter now, in my blog (she had just started reading) or both.
Her: Oh…both…but mostly there.

Now I knew that especially in the first few posts I was angry and bitter. I liked it that way. It was true emotion. That was fine I should have been bitter, but I was faced with the fact that I still come off that way. At work I was the comic relief. I was the one who didn’t care about what happened or what people thought. I shrugged things off and kept my humor. I did what people couldn’t or wouldn’t do and they enjoyed it. I don’t want to be the bitter guy. I needed confirmation on this so I of course went to L-Rizz.

Me: Damn I’ve become bitter bob.
L-Rizz: Yepppppp lol.
Me: laugh it up fuzz ball

(Yeah STAR WARS reference!) This is bad. Very bad. I can be cynical and I can be jaded but always in that cute jaded way. I’m not sure where this post is actually going or how many are actually still reading it. Is this thing on? Anyways I’ve decided to give up and just drink heavily to take a stand. I have learned though that making bold statements doesn’t work. For instance the 3 straight weeks I stated I’d finish The Devil Comes to Dinner by the end of the week, or the world tour of beers thing. So instead I’m going to make a short list of goals, and add some easy ones so as to feel accomplished and such.

1. Come through with finishing Produce Man costume
2. Write a rough draft comic of Pterodactyl Man for Lindsay and Kat to check out.
3. Buy a jug of white wine (see already accomplished this one!)
4. Finish The Devil comes to Dinner
5. Finish the manuscript draft for ‘Love is a Donkey’ (Book of poetry) Anyone wanna read it?
6. Attend some poetry readings
7. Meet and drink with some fellow bloggers
8. Attend a Lake Erie Monster’s game.
9. Read a book at least every 2 weeks.
10. See L-Rizz on a consistent basis.
11. Creep my Manager out.
12. Do something nice/romantic with/for my wife
13. Submit a play to at least 3 theatres.
14. Come up with a better list.

What I learned from last week

October 7, 2009

Chiller T.V. isn’t all bad. It’s mostly a disappointment, but it now shows Friday the 13th: The series and Freddy’s Nightmares. Both are very bad television but oh so fun to watch.

I get down on writing too easily. At basically the same time I found a huge hole in my latest play my wife lectured me on being a quitter when it comes to writing too much. She’s probably right.

I’ll probably never feel I write enough. I write a lot but it never seems enough.

I don’t take my writing serious enough sometimes.

I miss my family more than I thought I did. I mean I knew I missed them but with the knowledge and excitement at the thought of my sisters coming to visit made it clear how much I miss them.

That I have the NHL Network and that it is awesome.

My wife doesn’t want to be Robin Gibb to my Barry Gibb. This was the second rejection as Lindsay didn’t want to be Zombie Gibb.

I need a new (non work) costume.

I’m leaning toward Mega Shark w/ Plane.

My store managers learned how to pronounce the word fairness but I’m not sure they read the definition.

I don’t read anywhere near as much as I use to. Somehow I’ve got to get back to a book a week.

I miss school/wouldn’t hate grading papers for a living. After reading L-rizzle’s draft of a paper for her class I realized I really enjoy reading papers.

Cutting your finger in the crease really sucks.

Fiddler on the Roof is at best an ok play.

That there is this:
heat wave

And I have to read it.

That gay men and sixteen year old girls have a weird obsession with me.

I don’t have enough interaction with other poets or poetry anymore.

That having Neil Gaiman retweet you will lead to a ton of new followers and more retweets.

Neil Gaiman is pretty AMAzing. His voice was hurting but he did a great job, and different voices for different characters.

That I plan and design many a humorous thing but rarely see them through to completion.

Skipping breakfast is probably a bad idea.

Most of my pictures on my phone are of my cats or some sort of alcoholic beverage.

Rum is my friend–my good friend.

I’d be great at shameless self promotion if I just had something profitable or even happening to shamelessly self promote.

I’m only a fair to middling as a husband.

It is becoming harder to pretend I like certain coworkers.

That I’m not okay with the above.

That my work wants us to be or at least sincerely “appear” to be happy

Of course they don’t want it to be too happy.

halloween socks

Did you learn anything from last week?

Tuesday fun find or I like bad t.v.

October 6, 2009

There are little gems hidden everywhere. They may be the sweet couch you find in the trash down the block or rocking tee you pick up at the thrift store for a dollar. Here is my fun find or Tuesday Treasure. I really need to work on this intro huh? This week’s find is:

Freddy’s Nightmares.

Its format was the same as Alfred Hitchcock Presents, The Twilight Zone and of course most closely resembling Tales From The Crypt.

Did I mention you can see a young Brad Pitt? Yep in the episode: Black Tickets

Each week Freddy’s Nightmares told a new story, and usually stories, of a dark rooted and/or grim nature that took place in the fictitious town of Springwood, Ohio —of course the same setting as the A Nightmare on Elm Street films. Freddy would occasionally play a part in the plot, most of the stories did not involve him (it was, however, often hinted that Krueger indirectly influenced the desolate nature of the plotlines). Robert Englund of course reprised his role as the dream killer. Krueger’s primary function was to host the series. He was featured in regular bumper segments, where he would offer an ominous or slapstick reaction to the happenings of the episode—culminating in him giving a quick, and usually eerie, epilogue at the end.

The show was met with mixed reactions and only lasted two seasons. Now don’t get me wrong it was bad tv, but the kind of bad television that is fun to watch. It was unique in one way setting itself apart from others of the genre. It had a two-tier story approach. Most of the episodes feature two different stories. However, every second story usually built on a character that played a minor (or supporting) role in first. For instance, in one episode a woman plays in a game show hosted by the devil. In the second part she meets an old woman, who is actually her future self, who tells her she is going to kill her husband.

Where can you find it?

Currently there is no planned DVD release of this show. You can find it on youtube. Of course you can find it on Chiller. Chiller Tv which as a whole is a letdown now shows this wondrous piece of television. Here is the amazing opener to the show. Watch and enjoy:

Fun Friday and I got My Produce man mask started!

October 2, 2009

This weekend is pretty packed for me. First off as always I’ve got to work on one of the days (and today). Cue the boos and maybe even toss some sort of rotting fruit… check that I deal with fruit enough on a daily basis….I don’t hear any booing! Despite having to venture out in the rain today to work till 4 and then working tomorrow till 9pm there will be fun had this weekend.

First up for our hero is Fiddler on the Roof at the Beck Center for the Arts. It is definitely not my favorite play but it is a fun time. It may just lead to some sort of sentimental post because it is really the first show I have a vivid memory of seeing with my mom.

Saturday is of course the first Saturday of the month and can only mean Cult Movie time at @Cedarleetheatre. Yeah! This time it is Rosemary’s Baby. It carried the dreaded “m” rating and is about the spawn of Satan. Ask the concession stand to “bail you out with free popcorn” and you’ll get some for free.

Sunday Neil Gaiman is doing a reading/signing for the writers and readers series. His books are great and he wrote my favorite Batman story arc of all time. It means missing the Browns game but are you really missing anything? Check him out on twitter at @neilhimself and for more info on the reading click here.

Sunday also will be the day we get to check out the Pekar Project Live from Web to Wall. Harvey Pekar’s been mining the mundane for magic for more than 30 years in his autobiographical American Splendor comics. If you haven’t seen him around Cleveland you haven’t been trying. The Pekar Project, the first ongoing webcomics series written by Pekar, launched August 24 on SMITH Magazine. The opening for the gallery is tonight but the event runs through the 9th of October. The Pekar Project is vintage Pekar, you can see it here. Infor on the the gallery here:

Now on to the suggested Fun Friday activity for this week. As you all may know I enjoy my Halloween and have posted the plan of attack for my work one in an earlier post. So my suggested activity is get friends together get some sort of adult beverage and plan your Halloween costume/activity. Pass around ideas. Try to come up with team ones. Plan and draw it out. It is a lot of fun. Then get to starting on it. Here is the humble beginnings of Produce Man. Have no idea who Produce Man is? Click here.

produce man mask

We plan to put some sort of vegetables on the mask. Yes I’m so excited!

So what are your plans for the weekend? Have fun whatever you do!</font>

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