A wall fell down but did you feel it?

November 9, 2009

A shorty post cause jimi is dying here. 20 years ago the Berlin Wall fell. I was eleven at the time and not gonna lie a tad confused by it. I sat on the floor and watched the hub bub and felt for the people who poured out raw emotion. I’m not sure I knew why.* Now it all took place because Ronald Reagan did this**:

That was some powerful video huh? I was gonna show something from the Hoff but a clip of Knight Rider wouldn’t really be appropriate would it? Here is a link to a few funny clips of it. I especially enjoy when he says “fuck you Kit!”

The wall came down 20 years ago today and it should cause some reflection and deserves celebration. There are many instances of walls being put up still today real or firewall (like what is taking place in China.)

Now 10 years ago a man named Jerry Tuite debuted as The Wall. He was “German” and was the body guard of the character Berlyn. So in all seriousness he was Beryln’s Wall. Get it?? AWESOME SAUCE if I ever saw it. Now he was big. Real big:

the wall

He was involved in some storylines and then as WCW faded so did he. He passed on in 2003 but there was this awesome moment that he brought us:

Anyhooo in all seriousness today is a special day. Reflect on your freedom and their moment 20 years ago. I watched this video thanks to Chef’s Widow and they are beautiful and emotional. This is what I’m doing***:


The German Embassy is coordinating a public diplomacy campaign with the motto “Freedom Without Walls.” The campaign is focused on promoting awareness of the fall of the Berlin Wall among current college students, and students at over 20 universities will participate in “Freedom Without Walls” events in late 2009. Enjoy your day and week.

*And for some reason I typed ruse (instead of sure) like three times. Dyslexic much?
**What we don’t all get our history from Family Guy?
*** Kinda lame I know but I like to show support even in little ways (this is a no no at work I’m sure)


Is it Halloween yet?

September 23, 2009

Fall is here. I’ve always been a big fan of fall. Hell since I grew up in Florida I’m still a fan of winter, but I have a real love affair with fall. With the changes come football and soccer and baseball playoffs. Don’t even get me started on the Cavs. There are delicious Pumpkin Spice Lattes and Pumpkin Spice creamers. And of course there is: Pumpkin beer! I also look forward to Halloween and the deciding of costumes. Today I’m happy to announce not only the newest Super Hero and my costumes (a work one and a out at night one.) for 2009.

Produce Man!*

*A quazi fuck you from jimi to his higher ups.

The back story on this is known by a big chunk of you. For the rest I’ll give it a quick recap of it. I’ll not go into a detailed recounting of the changing of the departments and all that jazz. I’ll simply use I went from Department Head of HBC/GM to essentially lackey in Produce. So every single day since said move, the store manager has greeted me with “Mr. Produce!” or “Mr. Produce Man!” I’ve not figured out if he’s doing this because he knows how much I hate the move and he does it on purpose or he’s simply oblivious to that and unintentionally being a jerk.

To say the least it really grinds my gears.

So as I use Pumpkin Spice Creamer and pass by new Pumpkin Lagers my thoughts turn to Halloween. At work we’re allowed to dress up. Many don’t take this opportunity but I will jump at any chance to not have to wear the uniform. Last year (as I’ve shown) I was Hannah Montana. Which consisted of:

1 Hannah Montana wig (official)
1 Pair of girl jeans
1 Sparkly (thrift store purchased) girl top
1 ugly jean jacket (borrowed from the wife)
1 Hannah Montana microphone (official)
It was a lot of fun. Customers and coworkers alike enjoyed it. I was thinking about being Miley Cyrus this year. The move to produce has ruined the costume picking to some degree. I can’t go too detailed or expensive because of the tendency to get dirty and wet. Then one day as the store’s manager came back for his seemingly daily check on me it hit me. He threw the door open and said “Mr. Produce Man”.

I’d be the newest and greatest Super Hero of them all: Produce Man!

Of course this is dependent on the approval of the other two Shillelaghs and if my wife will make it for me. Produce Man’s colors are green and black. I’m even going to come up with a slogan, something along the lines of “Justice will never rot when Produce Man is near!” Here is the first draft of it:


The costume as of now consists of:
1. A mask
2. P on chest
3. A cape
4. A gun belt w/ bananas in it.
5. Tights (my wife vetoed these) so perhaps jogging pants?

Anatomy of a Rib

March 16, 2009

By nature I’m not the most social (or wasn’t until just recently). I was never for going to parties or big hang outs in high school or after. When I did the chances were more than likely I’d sit in the corner brooding writing only paying attention to a select few. This often led to more than a few people thinking I was mean or angry all the time. Well times have changed probably quite a bit (and probably for the better) and I’m much more open to talking to/meeting new people. I talk to more people than ever, can have fun and actually be entertaining at parties. I often still end up alone writing but that’s part of my charm.

I’m an odd person to friend. It takes effort on your part because I don’t open up easily or obviously.
Hell my best friend likes to tell people how she had to make me be her friend. It’s true too but once the ball got rolling it was a quick one.

I can and will get close but sometimes it doesn’t appear that way at first. I’m a joker. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that when I was younger I did not have much confidence (in anything but my writing). I’m funny—I like to be funny. Problems can arise because of the fact that about 70 percent of people probably don’t get my humor. I like to poke fun at everyone (including and especially myself) so the closer we become the more you’re going to get ribbed. I’m not out to hurt you and the jokes are never anything mean, only the light hearted kind. You know like making fun of the fact that you totally have a crush on a goofy looking actor on a bad sci fi show.

Ten sucks Linzi!

Okay back to the point. As a group of us hung out something was pointed out and it caught my interest.
We sit around (a lot) and talk about random commercials, movies, tv shows, or just plain made up things (a whole lot!) Now quite a bit of this are funny jabs at one another. The interesting aspect (pointed out by my wife) is the flow the jabs can take. There is an up and down left to right but completely random aspect to them. At one point it’ll be three of us piling on the last one when bam A will turn on b and c and d (previously the jokee) will join in. There is no rhyme or reason. No formula to it, and it can turn on a dime. An example:

*Though based on real life events the proceeding conversation is fictional. The names have been changed to protect the innocent, except for Linzi because Doctor Who is lame. Ha!

Linzi: Oh yeah and Murder she wrote was such a great show.
Mary Jane Watson: It was. Jessica Fletcher will live on.
Curt Connors: Wait Hannibal Lecter?
Mary Jane Watson: Jessica Fletcher!
Curt Connors: I thought only old people watched that show.
Peter Parker: Old people and stupid people.
Mary Jane Watson: It’s a good show!
Linzi: Well it couldn’t be as bad as your chin strap!
Mary Jane Watson: Yeah is that hair on your face or Velcro.
Peter Parker: Take that strappy!
Curt Connors: Leave my beard alone!

And the cycle continues…. This is what allows the four of us to sit in the back booth of a restaurant for almost an hour after finishing up and getting the check and then outside the restaurant for just as much time.

Messy Magazine Issue #3 theme

February 12, 2009


Hello messy magazine fans.
It’s time for your next challenge!

There are always situations that arise after the cloud of pretty words blows away and you realize that you are left standing exposed out in the light.

How did you not see it before?

Were your eyes really that heavy with sleep?

Did you choose not to see the inevitable or were you too content or misguided to even care?

Why didn’t anyone in your family TELL you that you were tone deaf BEFORE you tried out for American Idol and saved you humiliation in front of millions? Now you’ll NEVER get a recording contract… or a date.

Maybe we never lose that last shred of innocence that makes us happily believe all that we are told when we really, really want to hear it.

We could just be sadists and enjoy living that lie, you know, so Issue 3’s long awaited theme is…The Happiest Lie

When your ex said they would love you forever…but forever was instead measured in months, not eons.

How everyone said when you turned 18 you were an adult, yet you still had to take the garbage out for your dad.

How the back of those diet pills said your ass would melt away (just checked, it’s still there).

Maybe it was a moment when you felt caught up and moved, only to realize that wasn’t where you were supposed to be at all and you grabbed the wrong pair of pants in the process (hello awkward).

Perhaps all of the above examples are not necessarily bad things…Instead they could be masked motivation for you to see through the façade…Maybe we like being lied to.

We like fibs, tale tales, fables, and fabrication. Hell, maybe we thrive on it and need it to exist. Besides, if there were no happy lies, we’d all be a bunch of heavy, rude, cynical assholes…and who needs more of those? The world already has plenty.

We look forward to receiving your submissions for Issue 3. (We’re not lying). For more information on submission types, a quick refresher can be found on our website.
Go to messymagazine. org and click on ‘submit’ for details!

Submissions for Issue 3, The Happiest Lie, are due Thursday, February 26, 2009 by MIDNIGHT.

Please send work to info@messymagazine.org or submit online at messymagazine. org.

Issue 3 will arrive in your inbox March 15, 2009.

As always, if you have any questions, please contact us.

DON’T FORGET: Be on the lookout for the messy magazine SPECIAL FILM ISSUE on February 27, 2009. We are a proud media sponsor of the 33rd Annual Cleveland International Film Festival March 19-29th at Tower City Cinemas.
Check back at messymagazine. org for film fest ticket giveaways, blogs and more!

Many congrats again to Issue 2’s contest winners…..Stephanie Stonemetz was the winner of the C.L.E. Clothing t-shirt! Be sure to add C.L.E.
Clothing on Facebook and Myspace! You can also shop at their website: http://www. cleclothing. bigcartel. com.

And congrats to Louis DiLullo the winner of The Bubble Process Prize Pack! This prize pack includes a hand printed Girl Talk poster and other Bubble Process goodies.
Check The Bubble Process out at http://thebubbleprocess. com and myspace. com/thebubbleprocess for cool posters and other fun merchandise!

Confetti in the air for all!

A few extra notes….please be sure to title your work if it is not Untitled, it helps us ensure that proper credit is given to the creator.

And if you haven’t signed up for our mailing list PLEASE do so at messymagazine. org.
And tell your friends! Thanks and hope you get extra messy with this one.

Lauren. Vanessa. Genna. Michael.

Find us on Facebook and MySpace!

Remember you do not need to live in Cleveland in order to submit. messy magazine and its founders call Cleveland home and enjoy the city, but that does not mean that you, out-of-towner, will have your work excluded. messy magazine is open to all.

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