the one with a bum buggering dresser.

June 23, 2011

A wee bit of jimi business before we begin; today is my four year anniversary with the very lovely Kat. I love her more and more. She’s made me the poet, writer and person I am today.

(So send her all complaints!)

Now on to what you really came here for—the ass rape.

(Wait what?)

It was 3 in the morning. A summer night that was not unlike most summer nights. The apartment was quiet. The cats sprawled out on the living room floor in attempt to hide from the heat. I was up late (again) and lost track of the time. I tried to shake the sleep from my bones but it clung with a righteousness I simply couldn’t match. My fingers plugged away at the keyboard till the lids of my eyes grew heavy. There would be no beating sleep. I made my way to the window and paused to peer out into the darkness. What wearied traveler was out there?

(Okay enough of that. Who do I think I am Denis Johnson lite?)

I trudged off to the bedroom—trying to be as quiet as possible. The wifebot of course had to be up in 3 hours. Turning off the remaining lights I used the flashlight app on my phone to lead the way. After peeing and tossing my pants off I was ready for bed.

Except I forgot earlier in the night I washed the dishes while listening to the Indians game. I left the radio in the kitchen. You see I need the radio on to sleep. I switch between Coast to Coast AM and a Sports talk show. It all depends on my mood. If I don’t want to be bothered by real life I leave it on the sports show. Now if that show spends too much time on a sport or story I don’t like I switch on over to Coast to Coast.

AnyNowYouKnowHowJimiSleeps I had to go to the kitchen to get the radio. I knew this would lead to noise and waking her up. How could it not, after the perfect execution of silently getting into bed? I made my way slowly into the kitchen with my phone. While in there I made sure to switch the station back to the one I wanted and to turn the volume down to an acceptable sleeping level. That done I went back to the bedroom. As I used my phone to see the socket it told me it would be dying soon. No worries I’ll plug it in right now.

(Ah crap the plug is in the living room.)

She stirred.

(Ah crap I actually said that first thing out loud.)

Off to the living room to fetch the charger. Now the cats were stirring. Rasputin following me from the living room to the bedroom—he does this most nights as I head off to bed. I could hear her sleeping soundly as I rounded the home stretch. I just may get through this. All I had to do was plug the phone charger into the wall and slide into bed. I made sure all the pillows were in the right place. I plugged in the charger and it made its little noise assuring me it would begin to charge.

None of this woke her up.

I moved toward the bed and pulled the plug out of the wall. That’s okay I’ll just reach down and plug it back in. For some reason I didn’t bend over to do this but instead squatted down. As I did my ass made contact with the corner of an open drawer. Bull’s-eye! I mean the Enterprise (my ass) was just sitting there shields down when a Romulan Bird of Prey decloaked and slammed a torpedo right through the hull (the hull being my bum.)


The wifebot sits up. “Whaa…whaaa…?” She appears to still be mostly asleep.

“I think I just lost my virginity to a fucking dresser,” grabbing my bum and doing a little hop step.

“Oh.” She turns over and is back into her dreams.

I gingerly walk over and sleep on my side. The next day I tell her about it and she says:

“That’s what you get for leaving the drawers open all the time.”

(Probably true.)


A wall fell down but did you feel it?

November 9, 2009

A shorty post cause jimi is dying here. 20 years ago the Berlin Wall fell. I was eleven at the time and not gonna lie a tad confused by it. I sat on the floor and watched the hub bub and felt for the people who poured out raw emotion. I’m not sure I knew why.* Now it all took place because Ronald Reagan did this**:

That was some powerful video huh? I was gonna show something from the Hoff but a clip of Knight Rider wouldn’t really be appropriate would it? Here is a link to a few funny clips of it. I especially enjoy when he says “fuck you Kit!”

The wall came down 20 years ago today and it should cause some reflection and deserves celebration. There are many instances of walls being put up still today real or firewall (like what is taking place in China.)

Now 10 years ago a man named Jerry Tuite debuted as The Wall. He was “German” and was the body guard of the character Berlyn. So in all seriousness he was Beryln’s Wall. Get it?? AWESOME SAUCE if I ever saw it. Now he was big. Real big:

the wall

He was involved in some storylines and then as WCW faded so did he. He passed on in 2003 but there was this awesome moment that he brought us:

Anyhooo in all seriousness today is a special day. Reflect on your freedom and their moment 20 years ago. I watched this video thanks to Chef’s Widow and they are beautiful and emotional. This is what I’m doing***:


The German Embassy is coordinating a public diplomacy campaign with the motto “Freedom Without Walls.” The campaign is focused on promoting awareness of the fall of the Berlin Wall among current college students, and students at over 20 universities will participate in “Freedom Without Walls” events in late 2009. Enjoy your day and week.

*And for some reason I typed ruse (instead of sure) like three times. Dyslexic much?
**What we don’t all get our history from Family Guy?
*** Kinda lame I know but I like to show support even in little ways (this is a no no at work I’m sure)

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