July 1, 2011
What’s this? Posting the best of Overheard Ohio for June on the first day of July? It’s a miracle! If you’re not following it on twitter, what the hell is the matter with you?
(You may be what we like to call “a bit touched” in the head. See a doctor about that.)
Without further insult (seriously I love you guys.) here are my favs in no particular order:
“Yeah she was hot but I think she was the one who took a crap by the bed.” –dude drinking @XYZtheTavern
“I told this white dude that SMH meant slicing my hand and those who say it are really depressed.”
“maybe I could become a doctor but you wouldn’t give me no dollar for the bus.” guy not wearing shoes to dude who wouldn’t give him change.
“My Uncle asked me to pick up some “supplies” when I went grocery shopping but his list was: Pepto-Bismol and condoms.”–Girl in parking lot
“Is this the bookstore that you puked on the books in the science fiction section that time you got wasted on @molsoncoors at like 3pm?”
Mom-“this is kind of a ghetto area” Son-“Well mom its not like we’re gonna get out of the car & have a fucking picnic”
“Not every cop is trying to fuck you in the ass guys.”–cop to some young guys.
“Son that is what we call a donk.”–Older guy to his son about a woman getting off the bus.
June 3, 2011
Then there was the time I hadn’t blogged in about a week and tried to come up with an easy post. Yep kids always try to take the easy way out. It was this in mind I whipped up the best of Overheard Ohio for May. It wasn’t long before I realized I didn’t do one for April. Hooray two easy breezy posts. So May will wait (till next week probably) while I present to you the best of April:
(In no particular order.)
“I don’t trust him he never once looked at my tits and I had some nice cleavage going on.” –woman in lobby Downtown.
“This fucking dog hasn’t got me one fucking chick.”–Guy to another guy while walking a dog.
“Guy has been accused of rape 3 times. I mean I’m not saying I’m ‘rape free,’ but damn.”
“Treat that drain like you would your woman. Get at it!”-Plumber one to plumber 2
“Hey girl you wanna come sit on this? I ain’t got a home but I be getting women off all da time.” –drunk dirty homeless looking guy
“I gave bobby a hand job at the party so he’d pee in Mike’s book-bag.” –Girl outside of the UC.
And the winner for not funny and really sad award:
“aint you get pregnant from suckin dick?” girl in sex ed class.
May 16, 2011
(It takes place in a crowded bar (the grog shop)
Random guy: AMANDA!
Me (In as girlish as a voice as I can): Whaaaat.
Random Guy (Looks around confused): Where are you?
Me (In as girlish as a voice as I can): Overrr here.
Random Guy (Looking): Amanda??
Me (In as girlish as a voice as I can): What!
Random Guy: I can’t hear you too good, where are you?
(He went off to search.)
(I walk slowly with a bad headache to greet her as she returns home.)
Me: This is like the Hollywood Hogan of headaches.
Her (Loudly): Oh yeah you big baby!
Me: You’re a heel*
*Wrestling reference: heel=bad guy.
Wifebot: That wire looks like it’s hanging awful low.
Me (singing): Hang LOW sweet chariot—oh wait it’s swing low isn’t?
(Rihanna’s “S&M” comes on.)
Me: Sticks and stones may break my bones but Chris Brown’s hands are what choke me.
Wifey: Did you just make that up?
Wifey: You’re a horrible person.
Me: Oh I thought you’d be proud of my cleverness.
March 2, 2011
Ah It be March. Spring is near. Let us celebrate with a look back at the best of Overheard Ohio for the month of February. I’ve decided to go with a top 5 because there weren’t 10 great ones. Keep checking over there for more fun!
5 “I don’t give no shit ma. Just cuz the last time they seen me I was high on crack & I stole their tv doesn’t mean they can be rude.”
4 “BOOOOOBIES! BOOOOBIES! Have you seen them ever?”–Young boy in the mens room to another boy.
3 “damn if you can’t watch him maybe grams can cus I got to masturbate at least a few times when I get
home”-lady looking at skirts in Walmart
2 “excuse me, I am a big black guy don’t be alarmed.” Big black guy to interracial couple walking on utoledo campus.
1 “I haven’t given him a BJ in over a month cus I caught him checking the cavs score on his phone during the last one”–drunk girl at the bar
February 18, 2011
Don’t forget about @overheardohio on twitter. So without further delay here is the top ten sent into Overheard Ohio:
10. “I’ve been sitting at the computer so long my ass hurts & I think I have carpe diem in my wrists” – Girl at Speedway.
9. “You shouldn’t draw pictures of men sleeping on sofas.”–Semi-hipster dude at Fatheads to his buds.
8. “This Martin Luther King guy was the man huh mom?”–young kid to his mom.
7. “Any black girls lost their weave?Is there a lost and found, weave is expensive” guy at Waffle House.
6. “We can at least agree that the homeless have it better in terms of ability to pee wherever they want,right?”
5. “I can’t wait till spring so I can let this big ass hang all out!”–girl with big booty at the bus stop
4. “You need to stop staring at that young ladies chest & pay attention to what I have…to teach you.” Tutor to kid at Beachwood mall
3. “Hey they is dying in Iraq for my right to have a fucking ice cream cone. I put it up there. Count them
2. “What am I doing? I’m walking her dumb dog in the fucking cold. Why? Have you seen her tits?”—Guy walking dog.
1. “You peed on a dude because he thought that was sexy and you’re calling me crazy?” –guy on phone.