Conversations with Jimi: the return

Holy cow it has been a long time. Is this thing on? It has been a while and I’ve seen things man. I’ve seen some things! Really life just got in the way.

Bought a house. No big deal.
Read my poetry at the Museum. No big deal.

More on that in time. For now we make a triumphant return with an easy post. Conversations with Jimi!

Coworker: FDR American Badass?
Me: Yeah. Werewolf Mussolini was awesome.
Coworker: Mussolini is not awesome.
Me: If we can’t enjoy werewolf Mussolini we may as well just have lost the war.

*********************************************************************************

The wife laughs.
me: keep laughing right to divorce court. you’d be paying alimony.
her: hmmm
me: and i’d buy coke and whores with it.
her: rude.

**********************************************************************************

me: “what would you do or say if during sex I said I’m going to fuck you like you were the wife of bath”
@kittenkaboom: ….

************************************************************************************

visitor: where is Picasso?
me: Patty or Pablo?
visitor: wait, there is more than one?

*************************************************************************************

visitor: do you have an armory?
me: we have a small thing of weapons stashed away for the zombie apocalypse.
visitor: what? No I mean the knights and stuff.

*************************************************************************************

(Always asks but never waits for response)

construction worker: how are you doing?
me: fraggle rock
construction worker: good to hear

*************************************************************************************

coworker: name one universal fact.
me: Han shot first.
coworker: uhm…

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coworker (who heard I would be doing a poetry reading): “You write poetry?”
Me: “Nope I just read it.”
coworker: “Oh that’s kind of weird.”

*************************************************************************************

coworker: your (ninja turtle stocking cap) is awesome.
me: hell yeah it is. thanks. Have an awesome night!
coworker: is it angry birds?
me: oh. oh no. no no. (in my head) i rescind my wish for your awesome night. a pox on your house!

*************************************************************************************

visitor: (see’s my Capt. Kirk tie) Nice tie. Do you like Star Trek?
Me: No. I thought this was a MacGyver tie.
Visitor: Uhm…

*************************************************************************************

visitor: how are you today?
me: i’m fine and dandy like sour candy.
visitor: fine and dandy! You time travel from the past?
me: would it help if i told you my Delorean is parked outside?
visitor: i don’t get that so no.

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