the one where Jacob tries to get me fired

Hi I’m Jacob.

It’s nice to meet you.

Most of you know my name isn’t Jacob. You probably know that I often tell people it is. I mostly do this at parties. It’s a lot of fun. It really exasperates my wife.

Her:  This is my husband Jimi.

Me: (extending my hand) Jacob.

*Confused look from person we’re meeting.

And so on.

Recently I applied for a full time position. I had to drop off my application with HR. I couldn’t remember her name so I had hoped for an “HR” labeled office. No luck. I asked the person I saw and it turned out to be her.

Then I remembered her from when I was hired. I of course kicked myself mentally for not remembering her. That’s just how I am. I handed her the application. She took it and said:

“Great. I’ll make sure this gets seen. It’s Jason right?”

The first thing I thought (and literally had to catch myself from saying it) was to counter with:

“Actually it’s Jacob.” Luckily I didn’t say that. How do you come back from that? Where do you go from there? I’d have to just become Jacob for good to her. I couldn’t be “yeah Miss HR lady I like to lie and tell people I’m Jacob. Give me a full time position!”

Luckily I caught it in time. Jacob says have a nice day.


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