If you’re friends with me over on the facebook then you’ve seen all these. If not hooray and enjoy!
coworker: jimi isn’t really an artist he writes
me: hey i wrote a poem about wanting to bang julie andrews if that’s not art nothing is
visitor: where is rodin?
me: he stepped out for some coffee.
visitor: what? i mean the sculptures.
me: oh he left those here.
visitor: did he?
(two visitors look at picasso’s “Fan, Salt Box, Melon”)
woman: ugh this is not a picasso!
man: it say’s it’s by picasso.
woman(points to “la vie”): that is a picasso. this is nothing like his style.
man: they wouldn’t make a mistake like that.
woman(to me): you can’t tell me this thing is a picasso.
me: actually have you heard the story of patty…..
wife: just so you know I’m expecting a package–
Me: YEAH you are. (crotch thrust)
coworker: what’s the name of the play?
me: the devil comes to dinner?
Coworker: the devil? what you want to write about the devil for?
me: he pays better?
coworkers: that ain’t even funny. (walks off muttering about jesus)
manager: how you doing?
me: feel like a wampa chewed on my neck
manager: that’s bad right?
me: unless you’re the wampa it is.
coworker: does that say something about giant furry penis?
me: giant furry overly exaggerated furry penis.
me: the griffin he’s talking to whips it out.
coworker: okay then.