the one with aardvark peen




It was about this time that I turned around to see a woman coming around the corner. There she stood next to the bronze statue of Apollo Sauroktonos (“Lizard-Slayer”). You know the naked bronze statue. This:

“AARDVARK!” Now, I’m 93% positive she wasn’t actually saying aardvark. She was clearly looking for someone who may or may not have been named Aardvark. Almost immediately she became an aardvark. She waddled around continually saying aardvark like she was a Pokémon. The fact that she eventually stopped in front of Apollo’s lizard made it all the more comical.

And then suddenly not only was she an aardvark but she had a huge penis. It was tree trunk like and this aardvark was pollinating women…

Perhaps we should jump back in time right here. Roads? Where we’re going we don’t need roads.

I should probably explain why things went the route they did. We could go with the explanation that my lovely wife gave. Her response (to “and then I started picturing this”) was “of course you did.” That is probably the best explanation for it but I’ll give it a try anyway. This was near the end of the day (about hour 6) and I may have been getting a little punchy.

A gentleman approached me and asked for my help. He was looking for a piece he believed was Syrian. I was about to send him in the direction that it would likely be when he added some more to it. He thought maybe it was a mosaic or piece of wall. This didn’t change where I would send him. Then he added more (but really nothing of use.): “It’s of a genie pollinating”


A genie pollinating…he didn’t specify what (or why) he was pollinating. There is a piece that people often think is a genie so I pointed him that way.

So add that weirdness to my paunchiness and you get an aardvark waddling around pollinating women with its tree trunk peen. It really didn’t end there though. If all it said was aardvark that meant during sex it’d probably say aardvark

This led me to think what if I said aardvark whilst aardvarking my lovely wife. What would she do? How would this help my sexual performance? I at the very least would have to tell her of the new aardvark plan.  The equation went like this:

Genie pollinating guy + aardvark lady + me being punchy + telling my wife I would aardvark her = me getting almost giggly.

I was afraid the aardvark lady would come over to me. Luckily she went off to spread her pollination elsewhere. Later on I told the wifebot and she was rightfully scared. Even later on (and after pelvic Joann came over) I randomly called out “aardvark!” Good times.

Crude drawing I made after the incident:


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