I’ve been a bit, shall we say, absent here recently. I do have a good excuse though. So here’s the deal, and you know you can trust me completely. It’s a pretty good story actually. It involves Libyan Terrorists and a lovably kooky scientist. So I was totally just chilling at this older scientist dude’s house—you know in a totally non gay way—and messing with his toys—again in a totally non gay way—when he called. He told me to meet him at the mall later that night. No biggie, right? So I did. When I got there he showed me a freaking time machine, but then these Libyan terrorists—what? Like this is so totally a true story and everything.
Sometimes I really need an actual editor. My sister will check my grammar and all that shiz, but I probably should have someone be like okay, really this joke? I mean I made you sit (like you’re really still reading) through an entire paragraph making a dumb Back to the Future joke.
I’ve been bad. I’ve been writing, just not on here. I’ve been all about the poetry (which is a good thing, but bad for here and for B Movie Brigade.) I’ve racked up conversations, work stories and other ideas that will find their way here. One of the things is my wrestling themed/inspired chapbook titled The Electric Luchador Rides Again. You can follow the progress of the chapbook (and my other poetic endeavors) at loveisadonkey.tumblr.com.
As a writer, I form rituals and habits. Many writers do. It helps me to write. I drink out of the same coffee mug when I’m writing. This is the case even after the handle of the mug broke off. I write in the same area of our apartment. I go to the same coffee shop and drink the same drink (Chai tea), and clearly I have the habit of making the same jokes in blogs. These habits and rituals often flow into other areas of my life. Hell, at my last job I found myself using the same bathroom stall each and every time.
At work I like to try and bring as much creativity (some might say weirdness) to the mundane job world. This had been hindered by the fact that somehow I started to fall into a rut in the weirdest possible way. Whenever anyone asked me how I was doing, no matter how I was actually doing I found myself saying “Oh not too bad.”
Even after I caught myself doing it:
Person: How you doing?
Me: Oh not too bad (damn!)
It became increasingly important to come up with some different ways to respond to the questions when it came from my new manager. I mean they think I’m weird anyway. I could have some fun with it, and it’d probably help come up with some good stories for here. I started compiling weekly lists of how I would respond.
(Simple ones that still seemed to confuse or weird them out)
Fine and dandy like sour candy
Fine and dandy like hard candy
Fine as frog’s hair.
Right as rain
Like I got sunshine in a bag.
Just swell, Mel.
Peachy keen jelly bean
Peachy keen like Jimmy Dean
I’m the tops, pops.
This must be pretty in pink cus I’m duckie.
Call me Count Duckula cus I’m ducky.
Like Mario after saving the Princess.
Like Zelda when he has full hearts.
And so on and so on. If you have any you think I should use let me know. How am I doing? Oh not too bad….DAMNIT!