The one with peen

I’m not sure where/how to start this post. The beginning is as good as any I suppose, though it really just sort of happened. There is no real back story or commentary that could be made. Someone suggested I write it as a TMI Thursday but there is no real TMI, just a penis.

It was a Friday night. The night had been going smoothly. I was more than halfway through my shift and just returned from my break. I was refreshed and ready to hit the final stretch.

(Take that final stretch! See what you made me do? You think I like hitting you?)

I strolled through my gallery and everything was looking good. From the west end of the gallery entered a group of 4. They moved slowly and appeared to be well behaved. I recognized one of them right away. It was a mentally handicapped dude (recognized him because he comes to the museum often) who likes to high five me.

I kept my eye on them as they moved toward the middle of the gallery. From the east end came some loud talking and laughing so I moved that way to check it out. It was just a group in the gallery next to mine, and they were exiting. I walked back toward the people in my gallery. Two of them were looking at some things and two (including the guy mentioned above) were standing off to the side.

He motioned me over and I assumed it was for a high five. I came over and the dude with him had a museum map open but was looking the other way. As I got there he (mentally handicapped dude) said:

“Beep beep.”

So I moved out of his way. He just stood there and said

“I have beep beep.”

I was thoroughly confused and looked to the other dude for help. That guy turned around and I knew then that he too was in the same boat as the other guy. He stood there map dangling (barely) from his fingertips. His eyes sort of rolled around and a half smile was on his face. Other than that he stared blankly at me as his friend repeated:

“Beep Beep.’

Since the other was no help I looked back at Mr. Beep Beep. He looked at me for a few seconds and then said:

“I have to pee pee.”

And as I realized what he had been saying there was peen.

(like seriously.)

PEEN.

Not the whole thing, mind you. He unzipped it with the speed of a cheetah. Just the head peeked out, like an eager turtle. A giant turtle, because he was apparently the Ron Jeremy of the mentally challenged. I you know tried to look away cus you know there was

PEEN.

One of the people with them came over and was all “oh yeah could you direct us to the rest room.” He was oblivious to the fact that Ron Jeremy had been showing off. I took this question as a good way to not look anywhere his Terminal Tower. He put it away and they went off to the bathroom.

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