The one where I’m a vampire Slayer

You know what gets old?

Milk.

(I’ll pause why you regain your composure after that side splitting joke.)

(Ready?)

(That was such a bad joke that I’m going to leave it in.)

The job search is getting old. No actually that is a lie it got old a long long time ago. What gets even older and faster? Job search boards and ads can just shove it. They suck. They REALLY suck.

(Also 8 hours? Really you can only guarantee me 8 hours a week? How am I supposed to live on 8 hours worth of money a week?)

That last part isn’t necessarily part of this post, just part of the problem. I mostly was sifting through the local paper’s want ads and going to specific places websites. That worked. The jobs to apply were plentiful (just not calling me) but it felt like I could be doing more. Enter job boards. I hit them up and some of them I still do.

One of the ones I don’t though is jobs.com. I’ve had nothing but crap from them. Every other link had me running through hoops of filling out the same thing over and over. Most times it appeared to end up a bust. It end up just trying to get me to join a “job network” that never really accomplished anything and every time they called or contacted me it’d be about going back to school or training somewhere.

It was annoying.
It was disheartening.
Plus the texts—the mother bleeping texts!

Texts saying to call for an interview for jobs I didn’t apply for and more than once weren’t even in Ohio. Right before I decided to steer clear of jobs.com I got an email from an “employer” and it went like this.

Dear James
I am an employer. My company is looking to hire good people. We saw your resume and were glad you had interest in our field. Are you interested in help going back to school? We can help you do that? It will help you to be better suited for a position with the company.

(It went on but I’ll stop there.)

My response:

Dear Employer
I am a human. I was shocked to learn you were willing to help me go back to school after the last time. Did you not read about it? The events weren’t totally my fault, so I thank you for the second chance. Yes I did burn down the school gymnasium but in my defense I was battling vampires. I managed to kill of that nest of vamps but all anyone sees is the burned gym. It is a sad state.

Their response:

I don’t follow you. I’m sorry.

My response:

Such is the life of a slayer.

Yeah they’ve not responded since. Oh well. Should I put sarcastic/funny email creator on my resume?

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