The one where I tell some more things

After a break I’ve decided to continue on with the trip stories. More than a few people said they were enjoying them and asked for more.

(Shut up I can prove they did.)
(Okay no I can’t.)

We left off with me trying to figure a way to sell some of my 15 dollar chicken fingers off for trip money. It went something like this.


(Yes that actually is me. I like to change my looks up when trying to sell things.)

Warmed with a Citron infused Arnold Palmer (me) and an expresso martini (Harkness) we headed out into the cold. We were met with wind and lots of it. There was no snow—you know that wasn’t pushed over cars or trapping buses. We walked the short walk to where we inserted the car between snow and curb. Best part of the horrible parking situation was one never had to pay for parking. You just parked wherever you could relatively get it and went on your way. The meters were not running. A testament to how bad it was out was the Apple Store was virtually empty.

(Recover from that statement?)

It was of course Manhattan so the buildings were the typical “New York” (or just buildings) buildings. As we walked I counted 8 bikes left for dead where they were chained. They were totally covered in snow with maybe an odd handlebar sticking out. This one row of building really amused me. They all had the prototypical flower boxes outside their windows. I dig those. I really do. I’d love to have windows that had flower boxes.

(I suppose we’ll pause to allow you to stop laughing at the image of me wanting flowers. I am complex damn it!)

Our windows look out to a middle grass area between our building and the next one over. We get about one sun ray a year there.

What was so amusing about these building you ask? Well the flower boxes were empty of course being that it was winter and all. Above all of them (each building) were these like fake wood flower decorations. It was sort of awesome. I pondered taking a picture but I only had the camera on my phone. That and the fact I’m pretty sure Harkness was like 5 feet ahead of me telling me some sort of anecdote about how awesome NY is because of something with the buildings or areas.

He was like a hairy obsessive tour guide/starbucks stock holder.

(Good times though.)

We trudged through the snow covered winding hills and ice filled valleys. (This will be the stories I tell our children—or any children left near me.) We managed to not get robbed. I kid I kid—we actually got robbed within 2 minutes of being in NYC.

I’m just joshing.
Or am I? No I am.
Or am I? Probably.
Hey where did the parenthesis go?
(Good question.)

As we drove around in the “Meat Packing” district (Ha ha) the main streets were pretty good but the side streets were like a Nickleback album. So what do we (Well not me but the driver) do? Yep go for the Nickleback album. I’m joking of course (I mean we did but you need to use side streets.) We push forward—ONWARD AND UPWARD—and it was tough going. The little car she is a fighter though and we were making it. Once down a bad street (think Kevin Costner Robin Hood bad not Purple Rain bad) a truck up ahead of us got stuck. We were third in line (including the stuck truck) on the street.

As they tried to get out someone from the block walked over to help and we waited a bit. I mean in the procession of cars the one in front of us should have helped first. No? I think there is a rule book somewhere. Whatever is the case the people behind us decided the proper course was to lay on their car horn.


It was chaos. I mean if a New York driver was ignoring the signs saying not to honk you know it’s bad out right? The honking of course did not magically free the truck from the snow. Shocking right? They of course came up with a new way to help. Flashing their lights appeared to be the best way to pry a vehicle from the snow.

Flash Flash flash.

Nothing. Perhaps yelling while flashing and honking will help.

Nope. It is at this point that we decide they deserve some help. Only we were beat to it. The guy behind us (Mr. Honker Flash McYelly) goes past our car. He looked like this (Only bigger and he didn’t sound as smart):


Actually that probably gives Bebop a bad name. Oh well. So this guy comes up the side of waiting cars to help—somewhat. His newest plan? Yell “Move tha car!” Absolutely genius. I’m pretty sure the person stuck would never have guessed to “move the car” before he yelled it at them. I’m pretty sure this hulk of a goon could have pushed it on his own but his next action was to yell at the car waiting for the truck to get unstuck.

Apparently with some matrix moves the car could get passed the truck. Harkness and I got out and lent a hand. Not even a minute into pushing the truck was free. Not even a minute into the truck being free (as we walked back to our car) the lights began to flash and the car horns blared.

Driving from Manhattan to Bensonhurst was pretty unspectacular. Nothing bad happened and the roads were relatively clear. The route however was littered with cars left where they were and at least 2 buses abandoned. I regret not reaching in the back seat for my camera and snapping pictures because it was like a scene from “The Day After Tomorrow.”

Of course it was nothing Compared to BensonHOTH I mean Bensonhurst…..

Find out about that and whether or not I can keep up these long rambling posts that really tell you nothing next time.


One Response to The one where I tell some more things

  1. […] (billionity) more NYC stories to share but that didn’t seem right. You can read one here,here, here and […]

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