The one where I get a handy on stage

Sunday bloody Sunday….no you didn’t accidentally come across Bono or the edges secret blog.

(I imagine their blog would consist solely of them repeating lyrics and giving grooming tips.)

One of these days I’ll figure out why I use parenthesis for statements like that.

Can he stop making the same joke every post?

(I dunno can i?)

Probably not. This weekend was all about the live shows it seems. Friday I went (all by myself. Sniff Sniff) to a wrestling show. It was held in a church banquet/bingo hall in Lakewood. The show was AIWs (Absolute Intense Wrestling) Nightmare before X-Mas 4. It was a good time and has its own story that sometime soon will be up here. Saturday night the wifey and I went to Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat at the Beck Center. The show was decent but also not the point of this post.

What is the point you ask? I’m not sure there really ever is a point.

Anypointless the next thing we attended was a dinner theatre production of A Christmas Carol. This was way out in Geneva. Now I am not a big fan of A Christmas Carol. I mean not play or movie wise. I’m tired of it. I don’t need to see it again—ever. If it isn’t Scrooged I really don’t need to see it ever again.

Now her dad and stepmom didn’t know this. They just wanted to share something they enjoyed and thought was great. They’ve been to the place that does the dinner theatre on numerous occasions. One of which was a Poe themed one that they rave about and continually say how they wish I could’ve been there. They care. They know how important theatre is in our (wife and I) lives and it’s done with love. So you know when they wanted us to go to a show there I was willing to. I mean it would be an easy way to make them happy and they’ve done so much for me.

Oh it’s for A Christmas Carol? Damn.

Okay fine fine. It’ll make them happy. Then it happened that I would be out of time. Darn. The wife would be attending without me. It happens. They’d still be happy to go with her. Then it turns out that I would be in town and they could get us all tickets.

Damn.

Oh well you know bite the bullet and all that jazz. I was prepared to go once. Okay I’m in. They are buying after all. I do preach supporting live. Wait Sunday at 2pm? Like during the Browns game?

DAMN.

Okay. I can handle it. That’s fine. We drive up there—which was no picnic—and had to listen to Christmas music most of the ride up. Then we got the Browns game on the radio and it was okay. We get there and are seated and what not. You know at tables with other people.

Aw crap.

Oh well nice people I’m sure and at least they aren’t trying to talk to me. Oh man why does the kid have to sit next to me? Oh booze. Hello. First up I had a white Christmas: Makers Mark bourbon and eggnog. Yummy.
Oh what is this? A drink called The Ghost of Christmas Past.

Photobucket

This included 7 different liquors that I can’t tell you because I left my program in the wifeys purse. I can tell you that there 2 different kind of rums in it. Whatever. They only let you get 2 per guest. The wife wouldn’t let me drink more than 2 drinks.

(Buzz Kill huh? Go here and tell her that.)

Anydrinky soon the show started. Well actually the play went on in scenes (most do) and then there would be a different course given. The food was delicious—or at least very good. Then they started bring audience into the play for certain scenes.

Son. Of. A. Bitch.

Can you guess what eventually happened?

(Go on try.)

Yeah yours truly was chosen. Really bad choice because they were lucky I didn’t stab them with my fork. I went up angrily but you know willing to not give the actors shit. They have enough to deal with no? I was up there with my Cleveland City Stars scarf just hoping for it to be over. Apparently the wifey took a picture of me up there looking pissed but she has not given or even shown me it.

(Oh well.)

AnyfuckingParenthesis so there I am up there. They pass out birthday hats with numbers on them. The numbers are 1-12. Yep they want us to help them do the 12 days of Christmas. I was number 4. So they explain that we have to come up with a sound and noise associated with the number we had. I was 4 calling birds. As they worked on what some people would say (most peeps attention were on them and the group) something amazing happened. I of course was standing next to #3. I was on stage and she was on the floor next to me. She did her little French hen thing—which would be saying oui oui and doing some hand motions—and then she lost her balance.

She flailed. She grabbed for anything to catch her balance. Her hand went back and she grabbed my junk.
I mean this as literally as possible. A great big handful of jimis oui oui. And she held on to it too. For about 15-20 seconds before looking back and realizing it. She let go and mumbled something. Yeah.

Then we did are little 12 days rendition. Like a billion times. What was my thing?

Well I was 4 calling birds and when it came to me I waved and said:

“Hey birds.”

The people they laughed. Each and every time I did that. The in-laws totally got a kick out of it and repeated it often.

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