Sleeping with my wife: Crouching Tiger


That’s right kiddies the ever popular Sleeping with my wife segment is back. Let’s just jump right into it.

It was a Sunday night or actually it was a Monday morning when I crept into bed. I stayed up at first with a good purpose: work on some writing. It quickly morphed into a zombie-esque staring at the computer screen. There was for some reason a very loud party going on. Yes a loud party on a Sunday night that went on until a bit after 4am. I know this because I was up for it all. Now the fact that I was up had nothing to do with the party but it was still pretty obnoxious and clearly (in part at least) what lead to this story. I managed to get into bed without waking the wife up. As I tried to fall asleep the noisy party finally seemed to wind down. My eyes didn’t want to stay open but my mind wouldn’t shut down. Eventually though everyone out there quieted down as did my mind. Ah finally sleep was taking over—

“oh ugnh noo.”

And then she was sitting up. No other signs that something was going to happen. In the darkness I could see her sitting up. She whipped her head left, right and up. One more time she surveyed things and then she went all Chuck Norris.

(No luckily there was no karate chopping jimi.)

She did some sort of ninja roll off the bed like she was Chuck Norris avoiding bullets. She jumped off the bed ready to return fire and just sort of crouched there. She sort of hid there looking up.

“There was a fire” she said still crouching.

“What the hell?”

“There was a light on there. Up there it was…” and that was all I could really understand.

“What?” Moving closer to here but you know not close enough for a fist to the face. “Okay come on back to bed.”

“On the ceiling. Damn assholes….” Again I lost most of what was said but it essentially equaled “Those damn kids! Get off my lawn.” She crawled back into bed and after mumbling something fell back asleep. The next day she explained that there was apparently some sort of giant arrow of fire coming down at her head.

Yeah. That’s who I sleep next to every night.


3 Responses to Sleeping with my wife: Crouching Tiger

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Cleveland Poet, Cleveland Poet. Cleveland Poet said: New post. Sleeping with my wife: Crouching Tiger style. […]

  2. Alee says:

    Bwahaha! Your wife is crazier in her sleep than I am!

  3. […] remember the time with the ninja moves or even this one. If you do you know (or should know) her history of sleep talking/walking/ninja […]

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