Do it! I’ll wait.
There is a mystery afoot! The unexplained has occurred.
Actually wait just call Scully. I mean rawr. I don’t need that dick Mulder cock blocking me.
I mean uhm…these aren’t the droids you’re looking for.
Yeah X-Files and Star Wars jokes at the same time! I really am the Ron Jeremy of nerd references. I really don’t think there is anywhere this post can go from here. So I might as well just end it right? Some DMX lyrics just popped in my head but then I find that I had one of the line wrongs and it no longer applies for this joke.
Sorry Ruff Ryders.
Now that I’ve lost every single reader I guess I’ll move on to the reason we need Mulder and
the very sexy Scully. Well first off I went to bed last night with a post in mind for today but somewhere between then and the morning it flew away. I’m pretty sure it was stolen by Leo and the gang Inception style.
It was either that or the fact that several times I walked into the living room and sillie bean (the wifey) was watching Melissa and Joey. Yep it’s a new show on ABC FAMILY that pairs Melissa Etheridge and Joey Mercury.
That’s right kiddos as if my brand of humor didn’t already chase readers off I made a reference to a nonexistent television show. A joke using a pop-based folk-rock singer with raspy vocals and an a vague wrestler.
I know how alienate everyone. It my friends is a gift.
Anyvaguejokes the actual show (there is one!) stars Melissa Joan Hart and Joey Lawrence.
I only went the route of the easy woah joke because we all know each of you did it at the mention of his name. Don’t try to deny it. Don’t you do it.
I will turn this blog around right now!
What the hell was the point? Oh right the painful show that erased or warped my brain and stole my idea. That isn’t even the real mystery though. Oh no it’s weirder. I woke up and after stumbling into the kitchen to make some coffee went out to get the paper. No the mystery isn’t how come the paper was actually out there for a change.
I then proceeded into the office to sit at my computer and write this up for you. Aren’t I kind?
Well who asked you? Don’t answer that!
As I sat down I noticed something was awry. There was villainy afoot! There was something rotten in Denmark and etc. There was a spoon just sitting next to my computer:
There are a few possible explanations. As I wait for Scully to come
sex this place up investigate I’ll go over them.
First it could have been the little elf that will complete my plays for me helping me become rich and famous. Oh they only help with shoes? Damn.
It could be that I’m crazy and eat peanut butter late at night without remembering it. Perhaps my wife sat down at the desk this morning to use my computer (hands off woman!) and eat peanut butter. She does like to snack on spoonfuls of the stuff.
I think the most plausible explanation is that overnight Joey Lawrence snuck into our apartment and surfed porn on my computer. He is a well known peanut butter fiend. The porn he watched (I imagine he watched Big Trouble in little Vagina) got him so hot that he forgot to put the spoon away. Perhaps he heard something and rushed off leaving the evidence?
For what it’s worth the wifey thinks she put it down to give me a hug the night before but I don’t remember that. I think she’s covering up for Joey.
Like a conspiracy woah.