The one where Egyptian stuff is cool

As I mentally prepared myself for the next lecture at Cleveland Museum of Art I have to (decided to despite being horrible at it) chronicle I realized that I never reviewed the last one. I know (I know) the uproar was crazy but fear not because here it is.

There was something different about this lecture. We got there with about 10 minutes (or so) to wait. The room was pretty filled (more than the other lectures) and people kept coming in. It was louder in there as people chatted and laughed. There were the few regulars, which I suppose include the wife and me. There was the old guy with the crazy hair, the slow question asker and the “doesn’t know how to give a compliment” guy. This time we weren’t the youngest in the crowd because there appeared to be some students and a few children. There was a buzz in the crowd—though mostly the sound of chatter you get with a bigger crowd. The bigger crowd could only mean two things.

1. Egyptian shit is cool

Or

2. Lauren is way popular.

Yes the rizza was in attendance. I believe the conversation that lead to the three of us attending went like this:

Rizza: What is the next lecture about?
Me: The Egyptian Collection in 2010: New discoveries, new perspectives.
Rizza: OMG. Putting it in my calendar now.

As we waited for it to begin I prepared for it by asking myself several important questions. Such as:

Does he/she resemble someone in a movie?
Does he/she make me think of random unrelated movie scenes?
Does he/she have an accent?
Do I look good in that picture (the lovely Alicia snapped a pic with her phone)?

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Not too bad—the wifey looks way cute.

The first obstacle to get over was the fact that he did not resemble anyone from any movies. Even worse
there were no movie scenes coming to mind. Oh well steady the ship and just follow your notes. The man giving the lecture was Lawrence M. Berman, consulting curator of Egyptian Art. He has quite the long title (That’s what she said!) He left us for Boston.

Boo! Hiss! Get out of here with your Chowdah! Just get in that Cah of yours and leave.

Oh wait he’s a curator and not a baseball, basketball or football player. Never mind then. These were all literal notes I wrote down. I think I was about to do a little drawing of a bean when he said:

“It amazes me to think” and then paused. This was written with a chuckle in my notebook with a “Yes!” next to it. Another difference between this one was he was the only speaker to drink.

And slur.
Heyooooooooo!

That’s not true he didn’t slur. Seriously though he wasn’t drunk and was very good. I’m sure it was just water in there. I for some reason did chronicle the sips he took for some reason.

He brought up his first slide (2nd sip.) I didn’t make any notes on this slide—why would I? Afterlife was in the back row of 4 objects and I’ve seen the afterlife be shown in the background of more than few pieces. Did I make a note of this? Not really instead I noted: “I wonder if the afterlife gets to 2nd base often back there.”

Then there was the Striding statue of Minnifer (1936).

The 3rd sip brought us a comment about Indiana Jones. The slide brought this note: “I love that scene when the dude does the whole flashy routine with the scimitar only to be shot by Indy.” Followed by “Indy hates snakes yo!” and no there were no snakes on the slide.

Fourth sip in.

This note is not necessarily in order of the lecture: there was also a slide of grave sites that made me note “Looks like a giant peanut butter cookie.” I’m not quite sure why. It was more of an aerial view if I remember correctly. Then he read from a diary (possibly Anne Frank’s? Not likely but I don’t really know any other famous diaries) I know I know that was horrible. It was actually the diary of the people doing the dig/archiving and what not.

Notes on this include: Boring—who writes these things? They thought they were so cool with their facts and figures and drawings. Not one person died or betrayed someone in the diary.

5th sip. He said huge, enormous, bigger, and large a lot. Ladies you know who you want to party with. They always say once you go curator…

….you get your ass educated.

What the hell?

Oh oh a Google maps joke! See Egyptian artifacts can be topical. And it’s about this point where he appears to remind me of Woody Allen. (Don’t ask)

There were relics from the Tomb of Nyankhnesut. Some slides of plowing and flute playing but not in the sexual way. (It was important to note in my notes that it was not sexually) Things really picked up with A 3300 year old tomb being rediscovered at Saqqara. It went 125 years (if I’m reading the chicken scratch I wrote correctly, because I’m too lazy to search to find out) since it’s discovery.

Vizier Mereruka, who was married to the King´s eldest daughter. In time, Mereruka became the high priest of Teti´s mortuary cult. Then in an hour long special on ESPN the tomb announced itself and will soon be playing for the Miami Heat.

Oh that joke hurts so good.

During this part he was much more excited (that’s what she said) than the other speakers. You can feel his passio—

Oh oh he said “star gate” he’s going to get sued!

That was literally how my note looked. It came (twss) in the middle of the previous sentence.

6th sip He went on to “Shipwrecked Sailor” slides. The story is of a sailor that gets shipwrecked (who would have guessed?) on an Island and is soon visited by a serpent. Basically picture Tom Hanks minus the volley ball and dancing. The serpent gets this note: Cobra Commander with a beard.

I was interested in the “Paint Box of Vizier Amenemope”

Dude was like the Chief Justice of a supreme court if he was stapled to Voltron. I believe the explanation of this was the fact that he had several “jobs” or “roles” rolled into one thing? I really dug this slide and had just recently spent time looking at in the actually gallery.

My doodle:

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Real one (from the wonderful CMA site. Visit them!):

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Colors: red (desher), green (wadj), blue (khesbedj and irtiu), and 2 blacks.

Notes in section include: Master of secrets. Overseer of city and Even Kings have paint boxes. A lot of Ooh and ohhs being murmured: See previous note about partying with curators.

Went on to some slides of Model Cheetah Skins. They were 8 ½ inches long with painted spots. Statues often wore cloaks—you know like in Mannequin? Much was discussed about Ra—the Sun God. Way back up there one was a High Priestess of Ra.

Okay let’s try to bring this home as gently as possible because the last notes go like this:

Ah in this slide 2 baboons sing Rage Against the Machine to the Sun God. This should be a story of creation. Oh it ended with about 8 sips in case you cared. The lecture was very interesting and I don’t do it just—good lord if you thought I was trying then all hope is lost!

Some notes not used:

Should conclude his lecture with a naked finger biting child or naked finger biting god/boy.
Howard Carter (finder of artifacts) related to Gary Carter? (HOF Catcher)
Made of metal—Like a smaller Decipticon.
Priest of Ra—Wu Tang Clan bitches!
Mr. Toomy—(Langolier joke needs to be thought up)

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One Response to The one where Egyptian stuff is cool

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Cleveland Poet, Alicia Hudson Garr and Cleveland Poet, Cleveland Poet. Cleveland Poet said: On the lecture @clevelandart The one where Egyptian stuff is cool http://bit.ly/asJCwm […]

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