The one with a condom

So this is one of those TMI Thursday post’s where I tell you that it’s about sex. This means that if you are family you probably don’t want to read this. This also means there will probably be 3 readers. I’d also like to state here that my lovely wife thought I should not post this but you know me I’m an open book.

Not a very good book but an open one, or at least one with a cover that is tattered and barely stays on.

Back to the topic at hand though—sex. Okay not really. I mean I know you want me to tell you all the details of us making the beast with two backs but this is really about the aftermath. There will be a drawing at the end representing the sex portion though. (No there won’t you damn deviants!)

Anysex we had just finished a nice spot (what the heck were we drinking tea?) of sex. It was on one of the hotter (yeah baby) night here in the Land of Cleves. I being the stallion I am had worked up quite the sweat and thirst. After an appropriate amount of time I headed off to the kitchen to get some water. Luckily I had put some in the fridge before heading to the bedroom and so I had a nice cold glass waiting for me. I downed that quickly and started back for bed, but was hit with a note for a play. I stopped to make sure I wrote it down.

Yes I was still naked. You people are perverted. I stopped for some more water and while in the kitchen noticed something. I still had the condom on. It was holding on for dear life like Sylvester Stallone trying to keep that chick from falling in Cliffhanger.

Wait that description would make my penis Sly.

I’m starting to understand why the wife didn’t think I should post this one. So yes I noticed said condom hanging on like it was Brett Favre. (HEYOO!) I decided that it is time to get rid of it and like Seinfeld suggested just pulled it right off! I of course am still standing in the kitchen so I suppose I intended to toss it in the trash in the corner. Off it comes with a very wet sound. A way too wet sound. A second later there was another wet sound. A very loud:

SPLURTTSPLATT

Yes that is a real sound. Don’t argue. That was the sound of what generally is inside used condoms falling to the kitchen floor. Oh and some on my foot too. Yeah I cleaned it all up and then headed to bed. As I got in I told the wife what happened complete with my imitation of the sound.

She asked “what is wrong with you?”

That is probably a good question.

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2 Responses to The one with a condom

  1. mom says:

    Okay it’s one freaking thirty in the morning. I just got up to get a freakin drink of cold water and eeew. You are sooo perverted. I mean do you need to be so damn descriptive. LOL umm, did I tell about the time your Dad and I almost had sex on the organ at church. Just kidding. Happy Birthday sweetie.

  2. I really like this post. I had hardwood floors in my old apartment and heard that spurrsplatt all too often.

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