This is one of those I was going to post something else but then this happened and has to be written posts. Yes it’s a TMI Thursday post. I was all set to post the hilarious escapade I got into at the Lakewood Parade on the 4th but then something spectacular happened. It occurred yesterday as I took a break from typing up said hilarious escapade.
That’s right it’s ripped from the headlines! I’m like freaking Law n Order over here yo!
Anytvshow I was hard at work (insert your own joke here) making the funny for all of you and drinking a shit ton of water.
Got it? Good. So it’s been hot in the Cleve and you know I need to stay hydrated and what not. So as I’ve shown up there I’ve been drinking water like a good boy. We’ve also discussed how while writing I try n hold off peeing as long as possible. I’ve not been all that productive in the writing department (see above) but that just made me all the more vigilant.
Yesterday I held off peeing several times while staring at blank pages or half pages in hopes I’d jar the writing loose. It didn’t really happen that way. Instead it’d just make me mad when I had to pee so bad it hurt and then had to stand above the toilet for like 5 billion minutes. The other thing I’ve been doing is leaving the seat up. Now you ladies will be all like “what man doesn’t.”
(Shut your traps. Women should be seen and not heard.)
I keed. I keed. I love each and every one of you. You can ask my wife I’m good at making sure to put the seat back down. I simply leave it up while I’m home because it’s like going on a mini vacation. That really doesn’t make any sense at all. I just leave it up. It makes things easier for my lazy ass since I’m home all the time now. Rest assured by 4pm (when the wife would be on her way home) it’s back to normal and down. This day (yesterday) was no exception except I for some reason didn’t flush it at all that day.
Flash forward to the third lengthy pee visit. Now I’m in there minding (and doing) my own business when of course tragedy struck. As I finished up I decided I’d straighten one of the gazillion rubber duckies the wife has on the shelves about the toilet.
(You know the ones that are like punk rock duck, St. Patrick day duck and etc)
Anyducky I straighten up one of them and as I’m doing this a different one falls off the shelf. I of course react like this:
“noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!” and grab at it. I catch it and place it back where it belonged but that was not the end of it. Oh no it fell right off.
Can jimi make a second catch? Nope. Instead I grab at it and end up hitting it straight up in the air. This sends it down with more force and it splashes into the toilet that looked like this:
You know roughly.
Anyyellow the duck hit the water (use that loosely) as I tried to catch it. I was bent over and SPLASH! Up went the nice bit of vitamin water right into my face. A nice cool scent filled wave of pee in my eyes and up my nose
Oh yeah and in my mouth too.