It’s been a while since our last installment of Conversations with Jimi. I was going to hold off until it was like a mega post or you know like a Voltron of conversations. Instead I decided to share the goodies early and start a new.
Wife: You look like a pimp in that hat.
Me: My pimp hand is strong.
A Gatorade commercial plays showing numerous athletes.
(Kevin Garnett comes one)
Me: Fuck you Kevin Garnett.
(Dwight Howard comes on)
Me: Fuck you Dwight Howard.
(Various others and the Kevin Garnett)
Me: Fuck you.
Wifey (at TV): Fuck you
Me: I love how you just told the nice Kenyan runner fuck you but Dwight Howard comes on and you say nothing.
Wife: I was showing you how ridiculous you were being by saying it.
Me: You are so mean.
Wifey (about a woman on TV): I don’t like her bangs.
Me: Yeah she does need some more boobs.
Wifey: What? Bangs.
Me: Oh right bangs not boobs.
Maggie’ comes on the radio while we are driving.
Me: Do you think this is about his dog?
Her: Maybe but I’m pretty sure Barry Manilow is the only one to write a song about his dog. You know not Rod Stewart.
The wife says something that I thought was “god are you there.”
Me: What the hell’d you say?
Me: Did you just say god are you there?
Her: I said hunny bear.
Me: you said god are you there.
Her: god are you there it’s me Margaret.
Me: Honey he’s gonna know you’re lying.
The wife is about to leave for work but comes back toward the bedroom
Me (in bed): You’re not lolly gagging are you?
Wife (yelling): I’m pooping!
Me: Oh. Don’t forget to wipe.
Wife: I hate you.
The wifey is on the bed and plays dead. I slap her boob till she opens her eyes.
Me: You shouldn’t have been playing.
Wife: You thought I was dead.
Me: If I thought you were dead you’d be half naked already.