The one where I say somethings but not really

So I’ve been bad at this jive lately. I admit I’ve been rather absent. I know there have been all sorts of rumors going around.

(I know there weren’t any rumors just play along sheesh!)

Like:

Reading ‘On the Road’ so many (9) times finally got to me and I ran off for the rails.
Or
I got a job as a male escort and was too embarrassed to tell anyone.
Or
I fell into a World Cup coma.
Or
I devoted all my time to charities out of the goodness of my heart.

Well let me address each one of these. I have read ‘On the Road’ a lot (like I said 9 times) and each time I sort of get the desire to run off, but I’d miss my wife too much. What you can’t run off and bring a family! Next up don’t be silly nobody would want me as a male escort and if I did get that job I’d be all up in your grills about it bitches. This one is close. I mean I was a zombie. I really didn’t want to do anything but enjoy the world cup. I watched every second of every match until my sister flew in from the 305 and messed it all up. I keed love ya sis! The last one—yeah right—can you see that? Let’s be honest Lou you paid for the women (Yeah vague movie reference! Anyone but my wife gets that and I’ll give you a prize!) I’m a dick. I’m somewhere between the characters of Seinfeld and Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

You want the truth?

I was off on a very dangerous and secret safari. I can’t tell you where but I can prove it:

Hark I’ve spotted the beast over yonder! Behold the wonder!

Photobucket

But then tragedy struck:

I was all zounds the beast is upon me!

Photobucket

Have no fear your selfless hero was not injured in the making of said pictures. To be honest I started writing this post a few hours ago and stopped to look for jobs. I have no real firm idea where I was going with this. That’s okay I’m witty and smooth. This isn’t my first post I can handle this.

Think.
Be witty.
Oh I just remembered I uh left my iron on gotta run….

I really would have love to finish this post right there. It would have been mad funny yo. I’ve been busy watching the World Cup and entertaining my sister. That is why I’ve been bad but you already knew that.
I think the real reason for this post was simply to post those highly comical poses.

Did it work?
No?
Oh …crap I just realized I left the oven on!

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