There is no tmi Thursday today. I’ll pause for the mass exodus. I had a few maybes to write for the much celebrated (thanks to the lovely Lilu) TMI Thursday, but they need to be finely crafted. I hadn’t flushed (haha) them out quite yet and well I want them to be good. There is a quality (even if a dubious one) that is expected from my tmi posts. This is mostly due to worrying about the lack of job, thinking of the world cup, and freaking out about being dubbed “the watch killer”.
The first two are pretty self explanatory but I’ll explain (the jimiverse requires this often) the being dubbed “the watch killer” thing. If you are the angry emailer you probably won’t find this part funny. Okay it probably isn’t funny anyways but whatever. You see as the wife and I walked to our apartment she found a watch on the floor. Not an overly expensive one probably about 20-30 bucks. She picked it up and then handed it off to me. I took it and just kept on walking and talking. When we got home I dropped it on the Buddha table and thought nothing of it. A little bit later I saw it and said:
“Oh great we brought this watch in here and now I’m probably linked to some guys murder. I have his watch. I’m going to be known as the watch killer.”
We both sort of laughed. I of course went on to imagine the manhunt and media coverage but again that is neither here nor there.
Where exactly are we if none of what I’m saying is here nor there?
Anyconfusion instead I thought I’d take the time to talk about my loverly wife. Well sort of. Last night we went to Tommy’s for dinner with her mom and sister. It was to celebrate her sister’s birthday. It was a nice little dinner (Tommy’s generally is.) even if I didn’t go into Mac’s Backs to look at the books. That is neither here nor there. We sat around a bit and talked nicely.
No milkshakes were consumed.
Anymissingshake as we walked home I called my sister so I could say happy birthday to my nephew. He turned 13! He is officially a teen. I hope
the rebelling commences I mean I hope he enjoys the teens. Now to many this would spark the “oh god I’m so old” statements. Nope. What did happen was me thinking:
“Damn Chicago won their last NBA title 13 years ago.”
You see I remember being in the waiting room (for some reason I typed locker room) of the hospital watching the NBA Finals game. I have three very vivid memories left from this night (not in this order):
1. A steal Jordan made.
2. The father being a complete tool (as usual)
3. Holding my nephew and being scared shitless.
This like the rest of the post is neither here nor there. See kiddies consistency is key when it comes to things like this. I stick to my shtick bitches. Did you check out that alliteration? That is why I’m a poet people! It was about the wifey and that I found this:
YEEHAW! I’m not being mean. I find it to be adorable but that doesn’t take away the humor of it. Ok so as we were eating I said something. I don’t truly remember what it was but it was semi funny and I suppose a little vague. The rest of the table just sort of stared at me and then the wifey jumped on in and explained it.
She then said:
“Aren’t you glad I’m here to explain things?”
Now I’m glad that I have her for many many things. Hell some of them are not even related to sex. Sorry it was just too easy. A gear sort of clicked then in my head just how much a role she plays as translator for me. On here (and twitter) there are a great number of you who get and enjoy my humor but out there the herd thins out a lot. I’m still pretty sure at least 76% of the people I meet don’t get me. Not because I’m funnier (I am!) or better but because I tend to be dry and vague. On more than one occasion she’s had to stop to answer the “what does he mean?” question. When I talk this is often the scene:
She gets that half of the things are quotes or references from a few select movies. You may have noticed I do that a lot. Hell she enjoys that half the time the stories are about something I imagined to happen. The loverly wife doesn’t even bat an eye lash when the quote or reference only has the slimmest of connections to the topic. She may have gotten use to it but honestly I don’t remember there ever being a period where she didn’t get it.
I like to have an apostrophe now and again. Like lightning striking me brain.
(Hook bitches watch it!)
I like to be reminded every now and again that if not for my dearest silliebean (the dickens’ out of them)
Nobody would get me.
Yeah Scrooged reference in the middle of June!
Ahem yes the point is if she didn’t get me nobody would.There is no manual for me—though I can give you a list of books, shows and movies to watch that’ll help. Just sit back and enjoyed the ride.
And if you have any questions ask her.