In which I get lectured

So as a lot of you know the other day as a result of this post I got an angry email. I promised to post it and perhaps I will in full some other time. Until then I will post a couple lines.

“…I think it is clear to me at least that you don’t actually love your wife……AND I hope REALLY hope your wife wakes up and divorces you!

Wow. Nice huh? I do love my wife. In fact I’ve taken the time to write out just a few examples of the many times I’ve shown it to her (and my love too! BAM!)

Oh right.

There was another time though that I was running down a hillside that was covered with flowers, and there was a beautiful girl like 15 with pigtails and she was waving to me… and her parents didn’t know she had snuck out of the house.

That was the ‘Little House on the Prairie?

Oh. Right well…

There was that one time after saving her life (pause)

The life saving went something like this. We lived at her mom’s house at the time and I was off in the tv room watching some educational program—

Fine some sort of sports.

Anystickler the wife went down to the basement for laundry purposes and slipped and fell down the stairs. You could hear the loud thump of her nice booty and head hitting the stairs as she slid down them. She was out cold when I arrived down there. I picked her gently up into my arms and softly carried her to the hospital. She still doesn’t remember this.

Directly from saving her from that incident we kissed in the rain. I was hanging upside down and she pulled my mask up enough to kiss me.

Shut up. I’ve uh never even seen Spider-Man

Okay fine that didn’t happen either. Technically she didn’t get knocked out either and technically the time she slipped her mom came running and not me. In my defense though I didn’t hear it because I was far away in the TV room—while her mom was right above the basement.

Shut up. You are not helping.

Well there was that time that I called to her as I interrupted a live television broadcast of Charles Dickens’ classic—

Damnit. I watch too much shit. At least I didn’t use any examples from wrestling.

Uhm I love you hunny?

I don’t need to prove to any of you my love. No I need to prove it to her. I make my mistakes in that area—I know I do. It is easy to do. It really is to show you care but sometimes the easiest things can be the hardest to accomplish. Do I suck sometimes? Sure.

But I’m tryin’, Ringo. I’m tryin’ real hard to be the shepherd—Damn Pulp Fiction!

The point being she gets my humor. Anyone who has read me on more than one occasion has to or why the hell would you keep reading me? She likes my humor and well that’s part of how I show my love is. I make her laugh. I’ll go out of my way to make her laugh. When she needs a hug and a laugh it’s me she turns to.
What the hell this was supposed to be a funny post about a comment the mad emailer made. I hope (if you are reading this) that you like your new name: The mad emailer. I imagine you wearing a hat like the mad hatter but then I remember you were actually mad not crazy.

Oh wait…no too easy. Instead this came out more like a defense of who I am. Yeah real funny…Funny like Genocide!

Now that’s funny.

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7 Responses to In which I get lectured

  1. aproperfool says:

    Brilliant sarcasm! I didn’t realize that you were referencing something else until I was halfway through the first example. Great writing!

  2. Bev says:

    Aw, someone drank the Haterade! I read the post and didn’t see a thing wrong with it. Screw ’em and shine on, you crazy diamond!

  3. Donna says:

    I love your humor. And screw the person that sent you that email. They must be haters of all things. I can’t even believe people out there say mean things on comments and emails. If you don’t freaking like what they just said, the the f up. breathing breathing.

    • well thank you. and yes deep breaths are good.
      maybe.
      who knows?
      I enjoy the emails often and don’t get enough. Because this kind of complaints are so invalid and funny that they entertain.

  4. […] didn’t actually happen. Don’t send me anymore emails about my wife leaving me angry email sender it hurts my […]

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