The time I was Quick Draw McGraw

When you are done here go check out the B Movie Brigade where I profile a Maniac for your pleasure.

This past Saturday night my life as I know it changed forever. I had a run in with the law.

Like WOAH right? I hope you all channeled your inner Ted for that one.

This however is serious business. It happened around 11:30 as the wife and I were buying some nourishment for midnight showing of The Evil Dead. Nothing beats seeing it on the big screen in all its 35mm glory. There were about 15 minutes of truly awesome Grindhouse type trailers before the flick.

Anygore all that was after. We need to focus on the events that took place at Walgreens. As I stated earlier we were there stocking up on snacks for the movie. I grabbed some Mike and Ike: Lemonade Blends and the wife picked up some Milk Duds.

We walked up to the registers just as the manager guy pulled the till out and began counting the money. One of the cops that regularly help keep it safe at night was talking to him. The nice manager fellow informed us that the register was closed but one of the regular cashiers took us at the other register. She knows us as we go there a lot. As the wife paid my mind began to wander.

It happens quite a lot.

My mind roamed and went from random thought to random thought. I know you are all quite shocked. As this happened my eyes did to, until they came upon the cop. More specifically my eyes came across the gun on his hip. He (the cop) was still speaking to the manager and there was a free shot at his gun.

“I can totally grab his gun.” I thought.

Then I looked up and the manager was looking right at me. He was looking at me as I was thinking “I can totally grab his gun.” He knew just what I was thinking. I was caught. I’m pretty sure that our cashier had seen me too but my back was to her. I was doubly caught and there was only one thing to do. So I snatched the gun. I grabbed it and well you know said police officer was not too fond of this. There was really no alternative but to then say: “You’ll never take me alive coppa”
This is about when I sort of snapped out of it and realized that the manager was sort of looking at me still. The coppa I suppose interested in what he was looking at turned around just as I snapped out of this thought process.

When we left I began to tell my lovely wife the story. I postponed it till we got outside of the store. Then I postponed it again once I saw a lady sitting in her car with the windows down. Once in the car I told the wife the story. She told me that she would then divorce me.

I think you all should go tell her on twitter or on her blog how horrible of her that is. I mean what happened to support from one’s spouse? The conversation went from there:

Me: How dare you?
Wife: What you ruined your life not mine.
Me: I just grabbed a cop’s gun you think it’s safe to divorce me?
Wife: You’ll be in jail.
Me: No I’d be on the lam. It’s clear that after a statement like that I’d have to shoot him
Wife: What is wrong with you?
Me: I’m not going to jail. I’d shoot him, then the manager. I’d take the money and then since you’re not supportive try me some chubby black cashier.
Wife: What?
Me: I’m not going to jail. I’d shoot him, then the manager. I’d take the money and then since you’re not supportive try me some chubby black cashier.
Wife: What is wrong with you?
Me: What?
Wife: She’d probably be into it too.
Me: Hell yeah she’d be into it.

So yeah so most of this took part in my head and in conversation form. That second sentence was clearly hyperbole but I thought maybe you’d like a glimpse into what is apparently my sick mind.

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5 Responses to The time I was Quick Draw McGraw

  1. Donna says:

    oh good god. you totally made my morning.

  2. carissa says:

    haha you are hilarious. And demented. and i loves it.

  3. I can’t believe someone emailed you and told you I should divorce you…someone who clearly can’t take a joke.

  4. Mei says:

    Any lady that goes to a fetish show is not going to leave you for thinking about a gun…. Who doesn’t look at a person with a weapon and think “I could totally take him”?

  5. aproperfool says:

    Completely hilarious, thanks for the laugh!

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