This week’s tmi has nothing to do with my former place of employment.
It has all the intrigue and mystery of a work tmi. What’s that those stories had neither mystery nor intrigue? Fine then be that way. This story has all the gross and funny of the others and adds some nakedness too. That’s right jimi gets naked in this post. Okay so that’s probably not something you should want. No don’t stop reading. This story is fresh. You may even so fresh and so clean clean.
No you wouldn’t say that? I probably should have made it clear this took place in a shower before making that joke. It wouldn’t work anyway. Moving right along this story is fresh. It’s from about a week and a half ago. It was late in the afternoon and I hadn’t taken a shower
in 3 days that day. We were going out somewhere and I needed to shave. It has been hard to muster up the energy to shave since being laid off. It just seems to be an acceptable form of laziness. I generally shave when we are going to be going out.
This laziness however is not the point. No it was what happened in the shower that is the point. Now lately my sinuses have been really bad. I’ve woken up with my head feeling like it may explode at any moment. For some reason the sinus pressure has been intense as all get out lately. Generally some sinus headache stuff and a shower help. This day I decided to just take the medicine (early in the morning) and save the shower for later. The crushing head pain slowly went away but the tightness in my nose remained. Said nose also felt like it had the mother in What’s eating Gilbert Grape stuffed up it.
Side note: As a whole I like to brush my teeth while showering. It saves time and what not.
Anybrushing I loaded up the tooth brush and jumped on in the shower. I’ll stop because I know you want to know what kind of toothpaste it was: Crest Pro Health: Enamel Shield. I use a Cleveland Browns tooth brush too. So I loaded this up and got in the shower. As I said before my nose was filled and my sinuses were still bothering me. Now I should add that I suffer from post nasal drip too. It sucks and I mean hardcore like Jenna Jameson.
I get in the shower and before I start doing anything I decide I need to take care of a certain thing. You damn perverts I meant the nastiness in my nose. Only problem is I’m already in the shower (with toothbrush in hand) so no real nose blowing can happen. Then I think “hell I’m in the shower” and I can take care of it in there.
Any2ndmasturbationjoke I inhaled deeply and collected as much of the gob in my nose as I can so as to not have to do it another time. Let me just say that is a horrible sentence (literally and figuratively) but I don’t care. I blow it out of my nose but what happens?
Yeah this humongo glob of nasty gooey snot clings to my nose—like it was Bret Michaels and my nose was reality television. Not only did it cling but it was so big and heavy it almost broke free. It flipped up and then half of it slapped me right in the mouth. The other half of it landed squarely in its entire grayish yellow glory smack dab on my tooth brush.
There I was standing in the shower with a big sticky glob on my tooth brush and one on my mouth. (That’s what she said!) The half on the tooth brush enveloped the bristles almost instantly. It was like a tiny version of the blob slowly eating it. The other half I tried to spit/blow off my mouth and all it did was sort of flap on my lips. I whipped it off with my fingers and washed my face off.
So yeah that happened.