Is it Thursday already? Crap. I had planned on writing this last night but worked on my play instead. None of you care about this because you just want the tmi. I know this. Why then do I make you wait? Cus I’m mean. That and to warn any family member about the content. Of course I suppose the title did that already. Shut up! Now it’s a shorty (that’s what she said) and not necessarily about sex but it involves the idea of me having sex some. Ah heck whatever. Go read the ones at LiLu’s too. You know the drill.
Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
Okay let’s set the stage a itty bitty bit. Now this happened just last week and I have the wifey’s assurance that I could use it. Hell she laughingly told me to go ahead and use it and the story too (zing!) See I’ve posted many a story about sex but hardly ever involving my wife because she’s horrified that people will realize that we have sex and that she does sexual things to me. She doesn’t care about the argument of “we’re married they assume we do things” either.
Anytmi it’s very late at night because like a good little student she is doing nothing but working on her midterm for what seems like 7 years. I mean it’s near one am and well we decide we’re going to keep up the have sex with my husband every night for a week boast she made in this post (number 10). Also I do believe a main reason this happened was because the people in the apartment above us were getting it on and well we just couldn’t let them win could we? No! So we’re getting into it. You know pushing all the right buttons and pulling all the right levers. Mouths were used and not for talking. The time comes when the jimmy needs a glove because well as cute as they’d be we don’t need any little jimi and kat’s running around just yet. Of course the newly purchased box of condoms is nowhere to be found. She keeps looking and its determined that it’s a lost cause.
Oh no will the villains upstairs win? Tune in next week at the same bat channel same bat time.
I kid. I kid. I mean we couldn’t let them win or you know just go to bed unfinished. We’re like the navy seals all gets off or nobody gets off.
That’s not their slogan? Oh. Anyways so you know back to being oral historians. Which is fine. Which is good. Hell it’s great even! I’m sitting on the bed and she is on her knees on the floor to start, but sex is fluid (haha sorry) so of ourse we eventually moved. She pushes me up onto the bed and I lay back to enjoy and she crawls up onto the bed. That’s when she saw it. She spotted the scab on my shin from when the damn uboat at work slammed into me. So what does she do mid plunge to put my jimmy john back into her mouth? She stops to pick the freaking scab, or more like she stopped to consider picking it.
Then I guess she realized I was in her hand and that she shouldn’t be thinking about reaching down to rip a scab off mid B to the J.
Long story short we both eventually got ours and slipped off to sleep happily. The scab it was attacked by her a couple days later when I said “I can’t believe you stop mid suck to consider picking my scab.” This of course caused her to lunge at it and try to pick it, she slapped at it and in the battle to stop her it fell off and she got mad.
A bit of history on her: She enjoys picking scabs and cuts and wounds. She is a weirdo like that but I love her anyway. It helps that she’s good at it even when trying to pick my scab.