TMI THURSDAY: Enter the Knob Gobbler

Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s! So if my Too Much Info doesn’t slake your thirst for the gross click on over to LiLu’s and read them all.

TMI Thursday

Here’s a story of a man named gobbler. He was a wading through the internetz and then this gobbler found me and started asking lots of questions. It seemed harmless but soon it got creepy and that’s how he became the knob gobbler.

So kiddies today’s TMI Thursday will take you down the dark scary corridors of the interwebz. It also is connected to my former place of employment. Now I kept this story from here because of how it is related to my former job. Now that I don’t have that job I’m going to post it, though will make sure that nobody would be able to figure out said person.

The first half of this story happened before I even started working at Zagara’s. It was a normal day and I was busy working on some writing. I happened to have my yahoo messenger up and someone messaged me. It wasn’t too unusual and I certainly don’t mind distraction from writing now and then. Plus talking to people always helps form characters. So though I didn’t recognize this real_man_hairy008 I accepted. Okay so that name isn’t real but I assure you the name was something very similar to that.

It started off normal and apparent that he had read my profile. He told me he lived in the Cleve like I did and had always been interested in writing. He focused on my writing which was probably the smoothest of pick up lines when it comes to me.

How often do you write? What kind of stuff do you write? Ever get published?
Would you let me suck your dick?

Wait what?

Now this is pretty close to the conversation. I had it saved for a while. I must admit when shit like this happens to me I tend to either end it real quick or try to find a way to use it for amusement. I appear to be of the hot sexy bitches when it comes to the gay bear weird internetty crowd.

Knob Gobbler: I think you’re kind of hot.
Me: Uhm yeah I get that a lot.
Knob Gobbler: I bet. So can I suck your dick?
Me: Wife would probably be against that.
Gob Knobbler: Don’t tell her. I don’t just want to suck it.
Me: Wonderful.
Knob Gobbler: I want you to make me gag and choke on it.
Me: Of course you do.
Knob Gobbler: Until I like spit up on it. You don’t have to do anything to me; mine doesn’t get up at all anymore.
Me: I’m gonna go back to writing now.

That is pretty accurate I think. It is very easy to remember when someone asks if they can gag on your light saber. Now let’s flash forward to my first week at my new job. I was sort of uncomfortable when I started at Zagara’s. I mean I started off bagging and most of the baggers where younger and the cashiers older. Nobody as usual would really get my humor. So what did I want to see less than the fact that I was now working with none other than the Gob Knobbler? Yes fate would have it that I was working with the guy who not 2 weeks earlier had asked to gag all up on my junk. I won’t say what his name or job because I’m not a dickhole, but it was him. He acknowledged me with a “hey” or a head nod. He’d eye me quite a bit too, but never once did he acknowledge the yahoo knob gobbling proposition.

Not that I blame him. I did reject his offer after all. I can’t blame him for any of it actually.

I am after all dead sessy on the interwebz.


9 Responses to TMI THURSDAY: Enter the Knob Gobbler

  1. […] Cleveland Poet’s TMI THURSDAY: Enter the Gob Knobbler […]

  2. LiLu says:

    Well… I guess there’s no harm in asking? Damn.

  3. wendy says:

    That is incredibly disturbing. Ew.

  4. spleeness says:

    Wow. I’m not quite sure what to say. But this was pretty darned funny!

  5. carissa says:

    HAHA…well… I guess you should be flattered? I don’t know.

  6. Paula says:


    did he SERIOUSLY think you would take him up on any of that???

  7. Wynn says:

    The world is TOO small sometimes. Awkward.

  8. Wooow, This was wayyyyyyyyy Too much Information LOL LOL LOL.
    But very funny!
    and I like the creativity in your words. Good job!

  9. Haley says:

    omg my husband wouldve been MORTIFIED lol .. thanks for stopping by!

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