TMI THURSDAY: That’s no urinal cake

Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s! So if my Too Much Info doesn’t slake your thirst for the gross click on over to LiLu’s and read them all.

TMI Thursday

For this TMI Thursday we have to jump in our DeLorean and hope it hits 88 MPH before the terrorist get to us. As some of you may know the store I work at will be closing on the 13th of March and I will be laid off. This unfortunate déjà vu circumstance has me thinking about the first time this happened. Yep kiddies I’ve been thinking about when I worked at Tops Friendly Market. See if you see me get hired at your place of employment just start looking for a new job.

I pushed carts back in the ole days. On my second day of employment the guy in charge (I use this loosely) of the front end for that shift called me over. He said:

Guy in charge: Hey John.

Me: I think my name is Jimi.

Guy who can’t read name tags: Oh right. I need you to do me a favor.

Me: What?

Guy who can’t read name tags: This kind of sucks but I just saw a kid, some like 8 year old take a crap in the urinal in the bathroom. Can you clean that up for me chief?

Me: What? Don’t we have people who clean?

Guy who called me chief and wants me to clean up poop: Yeah but she isn’t here yet. Ruby probably wouldn’t do it anyway. So I’m asking you to.

I walk away.

So I go into the rest room and find the urinal and the poop. There were two sharpie sized and dark black pieces of poo in the urinal. Now I had two thoughts. 1.) What the hell is wrong with this little dickhole thinking it was okay to shit in the urinal? 2.) What the hell is wrong with this dickhole kid that made his shit so damn black? I went to the deli department and got some plastic gloves. I moved the trash can over to the urinal and then stopped. I decided to go to her cleaning cart and grab the toilet brushes from it. I went back and scooped it up (pretty poorly) and continued to coat the urinal with black sludge. Eventually I got them both in the trash. I put the toilet brushes with their new black frosting back into the cleaning cart and then dipped the gloves in the urinal and stuffed them into the cart too. As for the douchebag in charge well over the next year I proceeded to become very clumsy and “accidentally” knock his coffee or various drinks over quite frequently.

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9 Responses to TMI THURSDAY: That’s no urinal cake

  1. […] Cleveland Poet’s TMI THURSDAY: That’s not a urinal cake […]

  2. carissajade says:

    OH my god ewwww. If someone asked me to clean up shit I would have probably quit right then and there. NosirreeBob. You are a braver man than I!

  3. Lindsay says:

    Ahhh, brings back memories of that year at camp where we had the Mad Crapper. I trust you can use your imagination and I don’t need to explain that one.

  4. Stephanie says:

    that kid was drinking a lot of Guiness!

  5. floreta says:

    hahah love the payback.
    was his coffee black? 😉

  6. Lucy says:

    No way would I clean poop up, I would have explained that then someone would be cleaning my PUKE up. Oh, gross!

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