Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
So as we creep closer and closer to March and me not having a job someone decided it necessary for me to start coughing again. Now if you’ve read enough of the stuff on here you’ve seen me whine about the cough. It comes and it goes. It makes me miserable and nothing has really helped. Before you ask yes I’ve been to the Doctor.
Anycoughing this doesn’t have to do with that…well actually it does but not with the setting up of the fact that I’m coughing yet again. So yes the cough from hell has returned to seek vengeance on poor jimi. It didn’t take its time in getting real bad either. Earlier in the day it just a slightly annoying
into a full on nonstop COUGH COUGH COUGH. Now probably the worst thing about this cough is the fact that I will cough till 2 things happen (either separately or together) 1. I lose my voice or 2. I throw up.
Side bar: Our toilet has been acting like a little bitch lately and not flushing everything right away. It takes one or more flushes or more oft than not holding the handle till everything goes down eventually.
Anytmi so after work we decide Wendy’s would be the din din. I eat and enjoy the double stack thoroughly, washing them down with a Sunkist Cherry soda. We go about our business and what not. This meant me watching some basketball whilst typing up a different tmi story (probably for next week) and the wifey doing home work. So as I type and enjoy the Lakers losing the wifey moaned and grunted. I’m pretty sure it was in reaction to the homework (I’ve seen it and yuck) and not some sort of awesome masturbation. Though she may have just thrown in the “I hate this class” to throw me off! This whole time I’m drinking some crystal light Raspberry Ice. So I go to visit how she is doing and afterwards the cough starts picking up steam. Quickly I’m losing control of it and can feel the inevitable coming on. I head toward the bathroom with a groan and pop up the toilet seat. I’m coughing and coughing and coughing. There’s more coughing and coughing but nothing else, though I can feel it trying to come up. So I dejectedly sit down onto the floor. I’m coughing and coughing and for the first time I actually look into the bowl. Did I mention I was lunging or at least lurching ever closer with each cough? I was and what do I see but two mini brown subs on the very top of a high water bowl. Just staring at me and for some reason I can’t stop lurching/leaning closer as I cough. If those brown logs had eyes I’d be staring deeply into them. Finally the coughing reached its breaking point and I was shocked not in throwing up. I breathed a sigh of relief and then hurled. Yep I filled the toilet with a slick, sick chunky sea of red. It looked sort of like this:
In case you were curious: The small tannish things are wendy’s chunks. The two brown things were the mini subs dropped off at the port. and the white thing is toilet paper that wanted no part of the subs.