Is that a banana in your pocket or just TMI Thursday?

It’s that time again kiddies. You know what time. No I’m not going to make another Back to the Future joke or even one of those wait…what? pauses I do constantly. If you guessed it’s family disclaimer time than you are right.

You’ll get nothing and like it!

So family (though I’m pretty sure the only one who consistently read it is my sis Lisa) you’re gonna not wanna read on after the break. Sorry. It’s just after much thought on what to post and the wife telling me one idea was just gross and would cause loss of readers I settled on the banana story. So again you probably don’t want to read on. I did think of you. Readers read on but family click the links and enjoy.

Steve Nash is the most ridiculous man in the world.
Patent Pending’s parody of Jersey Shore.

Actually everyone should click the links sometime and enjoy the videos.

Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

TMI Thursday

This one takes us back to the pre wifey days. A dark scary time. Despite their victory over the Galactic Empire with the destruction of the Death Star, the Empire’s forces have driven the Rebel Alliance into hiding…

Yes Star Wars Reference! Okay so truth be told it wasn’t all that bad a time period. I mean it was high school and that went semi ok all in all, but at least I was getting some seemingly more than anyone else I knew. I mean this chick was insatiable. That’s right it goes way back to the crazy ex who sexed up a chicken pox filled sick virgin. As much as I enjoyed the sexy I cannot stress she was crazy. Okay but onward I go. I believe her parents were away and she told me to come over. There was some mention of watching some really horrible sounding chick flick—which almost had me cancel.

Of course when I got there she opened the door with one tit (purposely) sticking out of her tank top and he hideous jean shorts already unbuttoned. As soon as I was in the door she was kissing me and rubbing little jimi. After a little bit of playing right up against the door we made our way into her bedroom. As she stripped off the rest of her clothes in the door way she mentioned something about adding something to make it even more fun. She then exited and returned with a plastic bag. I kid you not when I write this but she wrote on the bag:


I’m seriously. So she tells me that she bought some food to make it fun (SEXI) today. Now I’m a fatty loompa so you know food for me is always good, but was still skeptical. I thought maybe she’d pull out some whip cream or something. The first thing she pulled out was a banana. It looked like this then:

So before I could ask just what exactly she wanted done with said banana she jumped in bed and was all gob on my knob. Then it proceeded to some petting and rubbing and she moaned “use the banana on me.” So a tad skeptical but always eager to please (because that’s how I roll) I reached for the banana. Now some time between the sucking and the petting she peeled it. Why would she peel it? Why? So I questioned and she said “just stick it in me.” I looked. “Fuck me with it!” and with the quickness of a sicko ninja she stuffed that half peeled banana in her coochie. Now it went in and smushed. She kept me pumping it in and on her astronaut drink. Bazinga!

Anyways she slammed her astronaut drink up at it and my hand kept pushing it in and on it (why?!) and finally she moaned and told me she was so close and begged me to eat her out. So I look down there and her crotch looked like there had been a war between the banana people and the astronaut people. Banana carnage was everywhere. I won’t get into too much more detail but she had quite a black bush and it was now tangled with the corpse of the poor banana. Banana afterwards:

Yes those little black squiggles are pubes. It was a broken browning pube infiltrated mess. Soon she began rubbing her hand all around her astronaut drink and asking me to go down on here. I won’t get into any more detail and I’ll let you guess as to if I went down on her or not. I really hope someone got the astronaut drink thing! As a closing note I will tell you what else was in the bag. The SEXI FOOD consisted of Strawberries,another banana (Why?!), cherries, and an apple.

Wait an apple? What the hell??


10 Responses to Is that a banana in your pocket or just TMI Thursday?

  1. […] Cleveland Poet’s Is that a banana in your pocket or just TMI Thursday? […]

  2. carissajade says:

    Oh my gosh. Oh my goodness. Holy vagina. I just read this with my mouth open wide the entire time. Holy, banana batman.

  3. Angie says:

    0.o <— my face.

    I can see maybe strawberries and cherries…

    I'll be wondering what you could possibly do with an apple all day long. The banana thing was just righteously gross. I think if you're gonna mess with food like that, for the love of god, SHAVE first.

    Great TMIT.

  4. HP says:

    OMG. Laughing so hard. Gross and totally entertaining.

    Best? The apple photo with, “I’m Sexi Bitch”

  5. coffeypot says:

    I’ve done the banana thing before, without going down on her. Just the stuffing. But did wonder what an anchovy flavored banana would taste like.

  6. will says:

    That maybe the greatest TMI story ever! I wanna know what happened with the apple. Did it include peeling of some kind? Ooh tell me please 🙂 Haha Great story ! dude.

  7. Em says:

    I was eating something as I was reading this (a TERRIBLE idea I don’t know what’s wrong with me oh yeah I love food) and I stopped chewing at the picture of the demolished banana. I couldn’t swallow (that’s what she said). Where did you find this crazy chick? I mean, I’m all gay and stuff, and consider myself adventurous, but man. I wouldn’t even touch that shit.

  8. Sapphyre says:

    ryc: It’s a great book! Definitely read it sometime- my bf got it for me as part of my xmas present since we have an ongoing joke that he’s secretly a werewolf.

    holy mother of god… i’m all for being creative and adventurous but strawberries and whipped cream is about as far as I’m willing to go with food in the bedroom. A smushed banana?! wtf. I can’t imagine the yeast infection that could grow from that one. ughhh. how do you explain that to a doctor?! btw- I love the fact that you used the word “bazinga.” In fact, that kept me laughing the entire time I was reading- the bf says it constantly! I’ve never heard anyone else use it.

  9. Meghan says:

    Ummm, I wonder if it would still be a good source of potassium?

  10. i genuinely love your own posting type, very charming,
    don’t give up and keep writing for the simple reason that it simply just very well worth to follow it,
    looking forward to look into more and more of your own posts, good bye!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: