Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s! So if my Too Much Info doesn’t slake your thirst for the gross click on over to LiLu’s and read them all.
I know you all are eagerly awaiting my TMI Thursday post but first a little update. Plus I don’t know how eager people are to read my TMI posts after the snot/poo wiping one. I’ve been sick again as of late. This has really caused me to slack on lots of things—especially this place. Now dear faithful reader
sit began to bother me that I was too sick and etc to blog but each and every day I got my coughing ass up and over to work. Why? Mostly it was the money. I mean I thought to myself fuck that they cut my hours I’m not going to help them cut them some more. Then there was the fact that I can’t help but feel bad when I do. Dam you responsibility. I don’t know if this is the cough or not. At this point it still just seems like a bad cold but then the cough just keeps going after one of those. I don’t know. I’m hoping it’s not. 3 months of coughing with no help from medicine or doctors is not what I consider fun. Anycoughy on to the TMI which is lucky for you brought to you by me being sick.
So it started harmless enough with a bit of a sore throat and then quickly progressed into a cough and a nose so stuffed it felt as if it would explode. You know sending a thick spray of snot everywhere. Sort of like a dirty bomb made up of brown, yellow, greenish goo instead of chemicals? So I resorted to medicine but nothing has really worked. I took to sleeping on the couch to spare the wife. The first night and day were spent really just sitting up in a daze coughing and blowing my nose. I really could not sleep at all. I did manage to fall asleep a couple times. Each time I would eventually wake up finding myself with one arm over my head (sitting up) 3000 pillows behind me and one foot on the coffee table. As this nastiness progressed the colors of snot and whatever was in my chest changed (as you’d probably expect) but they were coming up in an out of control fashion. It seemed as if I couldn’t go 1 minute without having to blow my nose. To make matters worse with every cough (which was way too often) stuff would come up. The cargo imported from the ports of my chest and nose was shipped in dark brown, blackish green and often blood colored boxes. As the days continued it became necessary on a consistent basis to spit up said nasty colored gems into Kleenex. Surprisingly the wifey did not care or want to see any of the colors making their rounds through my chest and onto the soft tissue tarmac.
Okay it’s been established that when coughing I’d spit up something onto a Kleenex. Not fun but you know I didn’t want to do it either. So there! Stop judging me! Sorry. This led to many a late night mistake of grabbing the spit up tissues for nose blowing. Now two different things happened when grabbing these. 1. The goo from my chest had hardened into stalagmites that I crushed onto my nose or 2. The big lump of dark brown, bloodishly green nast got lathered all over my nose as I blew more nasty onto the tissue. So after making this mistake more times than I will actually admit to (F I guess I just did admit to it.) I made an executive decision. There was a glass that I had filled with water to soothe my throat but had long since gone unrefueled. So I took it and began spitting the x filesy goop into it. Soon it began to fill and fill. At some point I tossed it and cleaned it out and brought it back to the couch (home base for 4 days) and periodically coughed the stuff up into it again. It became a soupy like substance (in the cup not what I spat out) and well I took pictures for you. Enjoy:
Okay so I only posted one picture because well the other ones were quite gross and I felt bad for you all. I know what you are thinking. When will he just get back to telling us about blow jobs?