Holy crap is it Thursday again? Really? This week has been such a blur while at the same time taking forever. Wait does that make sense? No? Okay moving on. I’ve spent the week staying up late watching the Cavaliers west coast trip and by day honing my ninja like avoid my boss skills. You don’t care about any of this and I don’t know why I’m prolonging it. It is TMI Thursday! You know the drill.
Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
Despite the popularity and my ability to suck you in with blowjob stories (Zing!) this one will not be one of those. I stole the suck you in line from Carissa by the way. The latest and greatest was a guest post for Mel over at Pursuit of your boyfriend. Now on to the sexless TMI post.
This actually took place a couple weeks ago after a fun time at the Cavs game with the rizza and the pole smoker. Afterwards the three of us headed over to Cleats. I of course made the classic mistake of giving the wife my debit card. So I had no cash or card on me, but as true friends the rizza and the pole smoker came to the rescue.
Side note I probably should post the story of why I call him the pole smoker. I think I’ll do that tomorrow. Hahaha Cliff Hanger on you bitches. I’m like 24 all up in this….
What? Nobody cares actually. Fair enough.
Anybodiddly we got our drink on. There were three beers a shot and some whiskey before we were done. Not too much but I had some whiskey when we got home too and then proceeded to stay up way late even though I had to go to work the next day. Well a couple hours of some sleep and the cat woke me up. My sinuses were killing me and my nose was running like it thought it was Usain Bolt. Albeit a slow stuck on my face Usain Bolt but yeah you get the point. I trudge off to the bathroom to blow it and to drain little jimi. As I’m sitting there I notice the need to drop the kids off at the pool if I can quote Jessica Simpson.
What’s that I can’t? Damn.
So I sit down and resist the urge to recreate the boat scene from Jaws (read: Sing show me the way to go home.) As I sleepily let the cargo bay doors open and release the refuse into space I keep blowing my nose. This seems as if it’ll never stop. I reach for some toilet paper and give one final blow. It was a gem of snot that came out. Now two thoughts occurred at the same time at this point. One: It be time to wipe. Two: Throw this toilet paper away. Now these thoughts did not fight it out for which would occur first. Oh no they compromised. I stood and did the normally natural thing of wiping. This of course proceeded to do two things. One: smear the gem of snot all over one butt cheek and two: well a snot laden helping of toilet paper wasn’t really any match for the brown demon. So yes it sort of disintegrated and spread a mixture of poo and snot on to my hand. There was a small slow churning of brain waves before I realized what happened. After finishing the job (sans snot rag) and washing my hands up I went to bed. I assured myself I would keep this from the wife and then promptly of course post it here.