Conversation with Jimi Vol. I

Nothing really new or fancy today just a few recent conversations that have amused me in some way. Maybe even an appearance by Produce Man!

First convo is a phone call that happened the other day at work. I’m back in the veggie cave trimming lettuce (I know very glamorous.) The phone rings and I groan immediately go to answer it in a very friendly manner.

Me: Produce jimi speaking how may I help you?
Old Lady: Oh, huh hello?
Me: Hi. How are you today?
Old Lady: Are you the gentleman?
Me: How can I help you today?
Old Lady: Are you the gentleman who was going to tell me about his nuts?
Me: I got some nuts for ya!I uh don’t believe so.
Old Lady: Oh. Oh. I talked to you earlier?
Me: I don’t believe that was me, but maybe I can help.
Old Lady: No. I bought some raw nuts thinking they were cooked. He said I could cook them myself but I neglected to ask how long I should. Is he there?
Me: No I’m currently the only one here.
Old Lady: There is not one person in Produce?
Me: Well I am.
Old Lady: Oh dear I guess I’ll just wing it.
[She hangs up]

The next was with a woman from HR. It was regarding the fact that I Produce Man (Whoever he is) won the Halloween Costume at work .

HR: Hi James. How you feeling…better?
Me: Actually I think I’m dying.
HR: No, don’t say that…..so I called because you won the Halloween costume contest
Me: of course I did. It was made of awesome.
HR: Yeah so…what gift card do you want?
Me: The bookstore one.
HR: Oh we have Applebee’s or Fridays.
Me: Aww but couldn’t you get a Barnes and Noble one?
HR: You like books huh?
Me: uh…yeah
HR: oh hehehe no I don’t think we can.

I chose Applebee’s and the wife and I will enjoy a nite out on Produce Man tonight. I then had this conversation via text my wife:

Man were going to applebees for dinner soon cus that was the best thing they had for prizes I tried to get them to get me a book store one.
Sillie’s Cell: Awww weee Applebee’s it is then.
Me: I was getting excited about books.
Sillie’s Cell: Awww.
Me: I had a chubby for books!

Then tragedy nearly struck as I filled the display of pears. A lady came up to me and asked “what is the difference between the Bartlett pears and the Green D’anjou ones? I of course have no freaking idea and seriously could care less, so I looked around in horror. Just then Produce Man flew in to save the day.

Produce Man: I’m very glad you asked that. It is quite interesting. The Bartlett pears are what we call a summer pear. They are going to be fine to eat even when ripe or a little over ripe. The D’anjou you need to eat before they ripen too much. They need some firmness to them. See the Bartlett ones you can even put in your fridge and they’ll ripen in there! Fascinating no? The D’anjou if you let them get ripe they tend to get mushy and mealy inside. Enjoy your fruit citizen.

He then flew off. What a super hero! He’s so dreamy and cute too. Now was all that Produce Man said true or did he just make it up? Like how many licks it takes to get the center of a tootsie roll lollipop or just why I quote Scrooged so much the world may never know.

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2 Responses to Conversation with Jimi Vol. I

  1. Dani says:

    Seriously, Old Lady, you cant just go around asking people if they were the man who was going to tell you about his nuts. That’s dangerous. People could die of laughing. What kind of irresponsible woman are you?

  2. carissajaded says:

    haha Great post! “Made of awesome” is now being infiltrated into my daily vocab. And congrats on the costume win!

    And fabulous answer about the pears. Now that you’ve practiced your bullshit for the day, you really owe Nut lady the same courtesy. Bull shit the hell outta her dude.

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